Measure with your soul, check with your mind
Oh girls, you wont believe what my mother-in-law did yesterday! She turned up with a massive pot of stew, moaned Alice, pushing her coffee aside and pulling her wine closer. My stew apparently isnt good enough. Her darling son simply must have hers! Where do these women come from? Really! Will we be like that one day? If so, send me to the woodsI hope I get lost and never find my way home!
Come on, Alice, calm down! said Rachel, patting her friends hand. Perhaps its menopause, or shes just bored. Hes her only son after all. What is she supposed to do except pour out her love and stew? Say thank you and ask for another bowl! At least you have to cook less. Let her fuss.
As if! Next thing, shell move in with us. What she gets up to now is quite enough, thanks. You remember the lingerie set we bought before Christmas?
The one for your husband?
Yes. She threw it out!
She did what? Rachel passed the teapot by Olivias cup, splashing tea across the tablecloth with a soft yellow bloom.
Said it was bad for my health! The knickers werent proper! Alice let out a nervous laugh. I didnt even tell her how much it cost. Shed have had a fit!
Youre impossible to please. Worried for your wellbeing, and youre still cross, Rachel started giggling, but grew more serious. But whys she rummaging through your underwear?
Ask her! Alice tossed a napkin onto the table, then grabbed another to blot the spill. Oh for goodness sake, what am I thinking! This wont wash out.
Relax! said Olivia, finally speaking and taking the napkin from Alice, pushing her coffee closer. Youre on edge. That wont do.
You would be too, if you were me! When we rented, everything was great! She never visited. Id have the place to myself, could pace about all day working from home. Nobody bothered me. She refuses to believe working from home counts as real work, and she cant fathom that I earn almost as much as her precious son. Ever since we bought the flat, I feel like a specimen under a microscope. She turns up any time she pleases, does whatever she likes, all justified by the deposit she helped with. Thats it, Im doomed to be her servant. Alice sniffed.
Change the locks, suggested Olivia.
I cant. My husband would just give her another key. Shes his mum. It would be endless drama. Might as well get divorced!
Oh, dont be so dramatic! Over stew and a pushy mother-in-law? You were the toughest girl at school, Alice! What happened to you? Rachel protested.
My unfulfilled hopes went up in smoke. Alice took a big gulp of wine and sighed. Alright, enough misery. I do need to sort this out properly. Otherwise Ill drive myself mad, and soon the baby will be scared of me too. Yesterday he asked why I was so grumpy. What am I supposed to tell him? That Grandmas pushed me over the edge? Youre right girls, I cant go on like this
Of course not! I need to find myself an orphan for a husbandthen Ill be the only one making him stew! Rachel signalled to the waiter. Shall we order dessert? Nerves need chocolate.
That sounds good Alice dabbed her eyes with a corner of the napkin and managed a smile. Oh, do you want to see the wedding cake I made last week? I surprised even myself!
Leaning over Alices phone, her friends exclaimed.
Wow!
Alice! Whats that? How does it hang like that? Its beautifulunbelievably beautiful!
Trade secret! My son gave me the idea. He was building with his construction set, and I just adapted it. Delivering it was a nightmare, but Ive already got six more cake orders for the next two months. Only not a clue how Ill get them all done.
Get your mother-in-law to babysit! Keep her occupied.
Oh Rachel, youre so naïve! Alice laughed. She wont. The moment you ask, she comes down with a mysterious illness in every limb.
What if your husband takes the little one to visit her instead?
Alices hand hovered over her cup. Olivia, youre a genius! They wont be under my feet, shell be chuffed, and her son will eat her stewfrom her properly cleaned plates! Ill just arm my boy with a few sweets, let him keep her on her toes!
The friends giggled, knowing full well of Alices sons sugar-fuelled chaos at every kids party.
How about you, Olivia? Rachel asked, turning to their quiet friend. Youve barely said a word tonight. Hows your mother-in-law? Still peaceful?
Theres not been time for her to pester usbarely married a few weeks, Alice licked her spoon, screwing up her face. Who puts that much sugar in a meringue?
Maybe youve hit the jackpota sensible mother-in-law. Not everyones so fortunate Alices is one of a kind.
I dont know Olivia remembered what her husbands mother, Mrs. Martha Evans, said at the wedding. Im not a fairy cake or a crisp twenty note. I dont have to be liked. You dont know me yet. I can be difficult and touchy. Finding common ground might take work. For me, family comes first. If Tom chose you, there must be a reason. I might not see your strengths besides being clever and pretty and finishing university top of your class. The rest, time will tell. I wont offer unsolicited adviceyoure adults. Ill help if I can, but lets see how we get on.
The candid honesty left Olivia unsure how to respond. It was strangesomeone being so open at just their tenth meeting.
Olivia and Thomas had met at friends wedding. As Olivia, already towering in heels, was standing aside from all the bouquet-chasers, a compact, solid guy came over.
Why arent you trying for the bouquet? Dont you want to get married?
Not really.
Why not? I thought every girl dreamt of this.
Getting married?
Yeah.
Youve got odd ideas about girls. Maybe some do, but most just want to love and be loved.
So why not join the tradition?
Nah. Olivia grinned. Not my reason.
What is it then?
Honestly, I can barely stand in these heels. Jumpings out of the question.
They ended up talking all evening and leaving together. Thomas walked her home and kissed her hand in farewell, asking for her number.
Olivia sat up half the night, stroking her hand where hed kissed it, imagining what her nan would sayFinally!she giggled to herself, picturing Nans soft smile and gentle squint.
Nan, Margaret, had brought up Olivia solo after losing her son, and Olivias mother had gone to Manchester for work. At first her mum wrote letters, sent small presents and money, then vanished. Margaret thought about reporting her missing, but then received a letter; Mum expressed remorse, explaining shed remarried and was pregnant. For a while, Olivia was happy, but soon realised that her only real family was Nan. Mum erased Olivia from her life. For years, no letters, no calls.
Olivia was a prickly, hurting teen, lashing out at her nan who always responded with patience. No matter what happened, a hot meal and gentle hands were there to comfort her.
Nans illness hit when Olivia turned fifteen, upending her world. Nights out, friendsgone. Only hospital visits, pills and studying remained. Listening to her nan, who could barely speak, Olivia would squeeze her own hands just to keep from crying.
Promise me, Olivialearn. Youre on your own now. I wont be here forever. Let me go in peace, knowing youll be alright.
Margarets grit was astounding. Doctors guessed shed last a year, but she managed three, passing away once Olivia had started university.
Mum only came for the funeraltwo months afterwards.
I couldnt leave the kids
She was shocked and angry to learn the flat and tiny garden Margaret owned were left to Olivia.
Thats not fair. You should share, love.
Olivia snapped. Years of hurt and resentment spilled out. She remembered nights spent at Nans bedside, counting the faint breaths.
Keep fighting, heartbeat! Dont stopwhile youre there, so is she!
Olivia knew it was selfishher nan was suffering, but she couldnt stand the thought of being truly alone. Mum listened, packed, and leftnever to reappear.
At first, Olivia faltered, but she was determined to honour her promise to Nan. Studying was easy; balancing work, less so. Rachels dad, owner of a large furniture company, gave her a job.
Dad doubts this will work out, but I know youll make him proud.
Rachel was brilliant and driven but unlucky in love.
All the men I meet are odd Wheres the one for me, eh? Id shower him with love! I want a big familyId swap my lucrative law firm for it any day.
Rachel and Alice had been Olivias closest friends since school, through thick and thin. Privileged Rachel, hard-up Alicebrought up by a single mum with barely enough for lunch. Alice almost lived at Olivias, and even Rachel hung out often. All enjoyed Nans humble soups and her legendary pastries. Rachel even helped when Olivias mum tried to contest Margarets will.
Let her try! Ill destroy her in court.
Leave it, Rachel. Mum knows the truth now.
Rachel did, however, have a quiet word with Olivias mum. No courtbut no mother in Olivias life either.
Thomas came along soon after. They dated for two years, then married. At her wedding, Rachel caught Olivias bouquet, looked around and promptly linked arms with Toms best mate.
Dance with me?
Olivia and Alice watched, snickering, and crossed their fingers. No luckRachel dumped Max within a month, silence in response to questions.
I just knew. Not for me.
Olivia let it be. Max often visited but Rachel always kept her distance.
Why, Rachel? she asked once. He seems alright.
Be careful with that so-called nice guy. Hes not what he seems.
Olivia never understood; Max was sociable and helpful, very funny, and always praised Olivia, to Mrs. Evans thinly-veiled irritation.
A year passed, then another; Olivia became pregnant. It was such a shockdoctors had said natural conception was almost impossible with Toms issues. He was supportive about IVF, but thenmiracle!
Its a miracle, Tom! Olivia sobbed, in front of Mrs. Evans during Toms birthday. The best present ever!
Yes, darling, Tom hugged her, frowning at his mothers sombre look.
What now, Mum? he asked, driving her home through dark London streets.
I dont know, Tom. Its all so sudden.
What are you saying?
Mrs. Evans turned to face her son. You trust your wife?
Mum!
You trust her? she repeated.
Completely! And I never want to hear you suggest otherwise. Most would be delighted about a grandchild.
I am, son. Now I am Mrs. Evans stared out the window, wrapped up in something secret.
Baby Jacob arrived; Olivia devoted herself to him. Mrs. Evans didnt interfere but was always there if Olivia needed a hand.
Olivia! Hey, wake up! Rachel waved her hand before her eyes. Olivia had gone so deep into thought shed forgotten the room.
Just thinking, Olivia shook her head. No more moping. Rachel, how are your admirers?
Switching attention, Olivia glanced at her phone. Two hours since shed left, and not a peep from Mrs Evans about coming home. Truly, a golden mother-in-law. Shed insisted Olivia go out with her friends.
Go on! You need a break. Ill take care of Jacob.
Thank you Olivia never knew what else to say. Things between them were smooth, but Olivia sensed a tiny, sharp pebble wedged between them. She had no idea what it was.
Half-listening to Rachels latest dating disaster, Olivia fidgeted, not understanding her own anxiety. Things were good
Her phone rang, loud and sudden. She jolted, nearly spilling her wine.
Olivia Mrs. Evans voice was so flat it took a moment to recognise. Olivia
Everything afterwards blurred. She didnt remember her friends slapping her cheeks to bring her round, or calling a cab, nor Rachel making calls, Alice forcing icy water down her throat. She didnt recall the journey home, where Mrs. Evans, aged by fifty years in a moment, wordlessly handed Jacob to Rachel and said:
Will you come with me? Im frightened
Tom had crashed into an open manhole. The car spun and landed in front of a lorry.
Olivia dissolved into pain as the reality set in. She swung between sobbing and frenzied cleaning, just to fill the endless days. She asked Mrs. Evans to move in, but she declined.
I cant His things are still here, his room. Sometimes I think hell come walking in, asking for a fry-up.
He never did with me
Each of us had something of him, privately, Mrs. Evans smiled sadly. He always said your cooking was better. Wouldnt let me make pancakes when he visited.
Jacob scurried between his mum and grandma, puzzled at their sadness, wondering where Daddy had gone.
Seeing how Mrs. Evans softened around her grandson, Olivia asked her to be more involved. Jacob hugged his granand Olivia knew it was right.
Half a year later, with Christmas approaching, Olivia grew more melancholy. This was meant to be the familys first New Year in the Lake District, fulfilling Thomas dream to learn skiing.
Ill conquer the slopes, and youll make snowmen with Jacob!
Try staying upright on skis first! Olivia laughed. Then well see what you conquer.
Ive already conquered you! Surely the lakes are easier! Tom grinned.
Swallowing her tears, Olivia decided to cancel their tripbut Mrs. Evans stopped her.
Why not go anyway? All three of us. I dont know if its the right thing, but maybe a change will do us good. Itll be Jacobs first real Christmas to remember
After considering, Olivia agreed.
Cumbria was wet and wintry. Rain all week, only once could they walk to the lakeshore, seeing grey waves rolling in.
Cheerful, isnt it Olivia adjusted Jacobs hat as he bounced excitedly, thrilled by every crashing wave.
Its wild, Olivia raw life Mrs. Evans stood silent and shivered. For the first time, Olivia hugged her, surprising them both.
Mrs. Evans leaned back, head on Olivias shoulder.
Im glad I still have you
Have us?
Yes. I nearly lost both of you, after Tom
I dont understand, Olivia frowned.
Max. Mrs. Evans spat the name, making Olivia flinch.
What about Max? Olivia thought back. Shed last seen him at the ninth day. He didnt come to the funeral.
He came here.
When?
A week after. Said hed been away. Wanted a chat.
To help?
No, love, not to help Mrs. Evans faced Olivia. He told me Jacob wasnt Toms.
Olivia physically reeled.
He said what? she echoed numbly.
Said youd conceived by someone else. He implied it was him, but maybe not. Claimed he knew Toms health problems and youd solved the issue your way.
Olivias arms dropped; she took a step back.
And you believed him? her voice sharp with fury. Jacob looked up, surprised.
What do you think? Mrs. Evans stepped toward her, grabbed her hands and wouldnt let go. Would I be here now if I did?
Olivia stared, silent.
I sent him packing, Mrs. Evans said simply, hugging her daughter-in-law.
Why? Olivia asked quietly.
Because I could see he was lyingand most importantly, Tom trusted you completely. We didnt know each other well, Olivia, while Tom was alive, but if youll let me, Id like to be closer. I realise you dont need thisfor me, its more important. So, please
No need! Olivia looked at her mother-in-law. No need to ask. Were family. My nan always said: if your family isnt together, its nothing but a whisper in the wind.
I dont want us to disappear in a whisper, Mrs. Evans squeezed Jacob. Come on, dear, youre freezing. Lets walk or well be late for supper. Tell me about your grandmother, Olivia.
They walked along streets shining wet from the rain, talking. For the first time, Olivia spoke openly with Mrs. Evans. Suddenly she paused and asked:
But why did he do it?
Who?
Maxwhy say all that?
I cant say, Olivia. People sometimes do things no good person would imagine. Pure spite. All you can do is refuse to be drawn in. Tom and Max shared sports clubs, uniTom always did that bit better. Perhaps its jealousy or something else. I dont know. Im just pleased hes out of our lives.
Me too
Olivia hadnt told Mrs. Evans that Max tried once to see herRachel intercepted. If he ever comes again, chuck him out, Olivia. Hes not your friend. Hes worse.
Now, Olivia began to understand what Rachel meant.
The last three days they spent talking quietly, Jacob hugging one, then the other, watching for the subtle shift. They kissed him and chatted on, reminiscing, thinking about the future.
Six months later, Olivia dug out forgotten heels, slipping them on.
A proper torture device! she gasped.
Suffer for beauty! Mrs. Evans teased, fastening the dress.
Cannot look nice in ballet flats?
Youll be tripping over your skirt. Bring flats, change later.
She gathered her grandson and waved at the bouquet.
Best get going or well be late.
Oh no! Olivia hurried. Rachel will never forgive me! Shes been waiting for this moment all her life.
Rachels wedding was grand and a bit chaotic. The registrar was late, exchanging rings happened in a flurryJacob, chest puffed up, holding the rings. Finally, things settled down. Olivia, as bridesmaid, joined Alice at the cake table.
How are you? she asked, patting Alices visible bump.
Never better. Made up with the mother-in-law for the weekend; otherwise Rachel would be cakeless! Alice huffed, adjusting the stand. Everythings down to me. Cant trust anyone else.
Whats wrong?
Look! Alice nodded at the cake. Got smudged on the way herethree days I spent making it. Nearly in tears…
Its a masterpiece, Alice! Rachel popped up behind.
God, dont do that, you scared me! Want to be godmother early?
Not today! My day. Why so glum?
Ah, nothing Alice tried to block the cake.
Rachel giggled, wagging her finger. It was me! Couldnt resist. Delicious cake, Alice.
Oh, you Alice spluttered.
Tell me off laterIm off to dance! Rachel dodged and ran to her husband.
Whatll we do with her? Alice laughed tiredly.
Where are your lot, Olivia?
Dancing away.
How are you, Olivia?
Honestlygood. Really good.
Started calling her Mum yet?
I feel awkward.
Dont. If I had a mother-in-law like yours
Olivia lost herself in thought. Watching Mrs. Evans laugh as she twirled Jacob, she agreed. Yes, that word fit her. Mum
She said it softly, testing how it sounded. Then, catching Alices eye, nodded and said, firmer: Mum.At that very moment, Mrs. Evans turned, as if shed heard. Olivia caught her eye across the roomthrough ribbons and the laughter bouncing in chandeliers, through all the memories trailing behind them. She lifted her hand, feeling a warmth rising from somewhere new and certain. Mrs. Evans smiled, not a polite smilea real, brave oneas though she, too, had been waiting for the word to fall gently, finally, into place.
Rachels voice soared from the dancefloor, calling for everyone to join in. Jacob tugged Olivias hand, Come dance, Mummy! And then, Come, Grandma! He reached for Mrs. Evans with the unfiltered trust only a child can offer, gluing them together for one insistent moment.
They stumbled into the spinning ring of guestsRachel and her new husband whirling, Alice wiping a laughing tear, the music swelling, the old world tumbling into the new. Olivia felt her heart loosensomething healed, something ready to fly. She looked at Mrs. Evans, her voice bright above the crowd: Mum, could you The simple word caught, and Mrs. Evanss eyes gleamed as she nodded, her face alight with pride.
The music quickened; Jacob squealed with delight, the hall shimmering with life. Through the dazzling rush, Olivia glimpsed her nans gentle smile in her memorya benediction carried on, quiet but unbreakable. Family, Olivia thought, grasping hands, careful not to let go. Not perfect, but strong. Sometimes it took a whole lifetime to measure with your soul, and check with your mind, but tonight she finally knew: it was enough. It was everything.
The laughter, the dancing, the glowit wound round them all, leaving no room for doubts or whispers. Only the shining certainty of being held, together, at last.
