The man returned home and, without even removing his shoes or coat, announced, “We need to have a serious talk.”
He walked in, still in his damp overcoat, and declared, “Emily! We must speak properly…”
Then, in one breath, his already wide eyes stretched even wider, without a hint of doubt: “Ive fallen in love!”
“Well then,” thought Emily, “here comes the midlife crisis. Welcome to the family…” But all she did was glance at him with tender concernsomething she hadnt done in years (five or six, or was it eight already?).
They say your life flashes before your eyes before death, but for Emily, it was her entire life with this man that flickered past. They had met in the most ordinary wayonline. Emily had shaved three years off her age, and her future husband had added three inches to his height. Through such small, desperate adjustments, they had somehow matched each others search criteria and found one another.
Emily couldnt recall whod messaged first, but she remembered his letterpolished, lightly self-deprecating, utterly free of vulgarity. At thirty-three, weighing her odds on the “marriage market,” she assessed her position with sober clarity. Not quite last in line, but close. So for their first date, she dressed carefullypink glasses, stylish lingerie, homemade biscuits and a copy of Jane Austen tucked into her handbag.
Their first meeting passed surprisingly smoothly (what a difference the right outfit makes!), and their romance unfolded with frantic enthusiasm. It was never dull. Six months of steady courtship later, under relentless parental pressure (her parents had nearly given up on grandchildren), he finally proposed. A hasty wedding followedsmall, family-only, the first available date snatched up before anyone could change their minds.
They lived, by Emilys measure, well. Their marriage was a temperate climateno scorching passions, but steady, respectful. Wasnt that happiness?
Her husband, a typical Englishmanfirm, uncomplicatedhad shed his brief, ill-fitting costume of “brooding romantic” within weeks of the wedding. He settled comfortably into himself: a plain, hardworking man in tracksuit bottoms.
Emily, as the fairer sex, loosened the laces of her “elegant, intellectual homemaker” corset more gradually. A swift pregnancy hastened the process, and within a year, she too shrugged off her old image with relief, wrapping herself instead in a cosy dressing gown.
The fact that neither mourned their discarded personas, that neither resented the other for it, convinced Emily theyd made the right choice.
Domesticity and two children strained their family ship at times, but it never capsized. When storms passed, they sailed on smoothly. Happy grandparents helped where they could. They climbed career ladders slowly but surely, travelled, pursued hobbies, and gave each other timejust like any averagely happy couple.
Twelve years married, and never once had her husband been caught in an affairnot even in harmless flirting. Not that Emily was the jealous type. She imagined him flirting once and nearly laughed aloudthe mental image was absurd. Early on, after several clumsy compliments, hed admitted defeat and adopted a new tactic: silent admiration. Or perhaps ultrasonic praise, in frequencies Emily couldnt detect. His method now was to simply widen his eyes, like an owl.
Over the years, Emily learned to read his entire emotional spectrum in those round, glassy stareswild excitement, quiet approval, sudden shock, utter confusion, blank incomprehension, or outright indignation. Now, she pictured him unloading compliments onto some creature, his eyes stretching impossibly wider…
Her throat went dry. With a nervous smile, she asked, “So whats this new love of yours called?”
His eyes practically rolled up his forehead. Fidgeting, he stammered, “Howhow did you evenhow could you possiblyguess it was a *rodent*? No, youreLook, I couldnt just walk past her. Shes *astonishing*so soft, so beautiful almost like you…”
From his pocket, he produced a small, greyish-brown ratpink-tinged ears, a twitching nose, beady black eyes.
Emily heard nothing else. She stared at her husband, at this tiny creature cradled in his hands, and felt nothing but joy. He had fallen in love with a rat. A rat that looked just like her.
