Someone else’s home? Then pay the rent!
I find myself thinking about it now, all these years later, and I still remember how muddled everything became before my daughter’s wedding. We were at sixes and sevens, truth be told. My future son-in-law ran circles around us with his odd behaviour wedding only a fortnight away, and suddenly the whole house was upside down with arguments. My poor daughter I felt so sorry for her.
“Whats brought you all to blows?” people would ask.
“You wouldnt believe it over a house!” Id say. My husband and I, wanting to give the newlyweds a good start, decided to use all our savings to buy them a flat as a wedding present. We even sold our little cottage by the river and my husbands old shed to afford it. The deed was registered in our daughters name, but since they were getting married, what did it matter whose name was on the papers?
Thats how we saw it, at least.
Of course, the place was completely bare. No furniture, not even wallpaper. There was no money left over for anything else. My husband suggested that, together with our soon-to-be son-in-law, we renovate the place as best as we could, just to have them settled as soon as possible. But my daughters fiancé flatly refused to help with the renovations!
“But why?” theyd ask.
He claimed that it wasnt his house, as it was in our daughters name, and he didnt want to pour money into a property that wasnt truly his. He said if we wanted it done, wed have to manage it ourselves. Maybe hed buy a lamp or two, but nothing more substantial than that.
“Perhaps they should just move in as is, make do for now,” others suggested.
It wasnt possible. The place was a complete shell. The plumbing needed to be redone, the electrics were ancient, the floors and walls were uneven and crumbling, and the old sash windows were about to fall out of their frames. At the very least, it required a basic overhaul for anyone to call it a home.
Even by my modest standards, it would have been impossible to live there. How could young people hope to start a life in such a dilapidated state? It was humiliating, especially considering my daughters fiancé worked for a respectable firm and earned a fine salary yet he refused to part with his pennies. He claimed he was saving for a house of his own. It seems he was more interested in feathering his future nest than investing a single shilling in the family he was joining.
Essentially, he wanted us to foot all the bills. He insisted that, as the flat didnt belong to him, any work done ought to come from our pockets. So, I told him, “If you see it as someone elses house, then you can pay us rent.” He simply smiled and agreed, if you can believe it!
“And your daughter?” folk asked.
She was beside herself with worry, in tears day and night. Shes very much in love, but we simply couldnt add him to the deeds as well. Now she insists she doesnt care about the flat or the renovation. But I worry isnt it a bad sign that hes not willing to invest anything in the life theyre meant to build together? Whats next? They arent even married and already hes thinking about divorce and how to split things up.
So what do you think? Should my future son-in-law have been prepared to put something of himself into that home, if he intends to build a life there and maybe raise a family? Who really cares whose name is on the page, if its your home? Or was his caution fair enough? What would you have done in his shoes?
