– If I had known you were like this, I never would have married you,” Linda said, “Where was I looking? Where were my eyes? Why was my intuition silent? Why did my mother, who constantly warned me against other men, not say a word about you? Why?
– Why, why, why, – Howard imitated his wife, – How many questions. And the answer to all these questions is one.
– I wonder what it is? – asked Linda.
– The answer is that you have loved me all the time and still do, – Howard answered, – Because I am the light in your window. Because you do not want such a treasure as me to go to others. After all, you know very well that besides you, two of your friends claimed me. Lisa and Kate.
– Maybe once I loved you, – Linda agreed, – Maybe once I was jealous of my friends. But where is that Lisa? And where is Kate? All this is in the distant, distant past.
– Oh, oh, oh. In the past already?
– Yes, in the past, – Linda answered, – because both Lisa and Kate are married and have children. And they have long forgotten about you. And I still live with you. But now that you have revealed your essence, shown who you really are… My love for you is gone.
– What nonsense!” Howard said. “She just found out. You’ve always known what I am. I never hid from you that I was lazy and impractical. That loyalty is a word that means nothing to me.
– Yes! Imagine that! I didn’t know,” Linda said.
– You mean you didn’t know I was lazy?
– No, I didn’t.
– You didn’t know I looked at other women, either?
– No,” Linda repeated.
– Well, what nonsense you’re talking, Linda. You can’t do that. It’s like a kindergarten, honestly.
– All right, then. Have it your way,” Linda said. “I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to notice. But I was sure that you would get your act together, earn a decent living, be an exemplary husband and father. And what kind of husband are you? And what kind of father are you? Just a name. No, no! Only after living with you for so long, I realized who you really are. You are a loser who will always live off women.
– But why a loser? – said Howard. – I’ve been living with you for so long and I’m fine. You earn, cook, clean, solve all our household problems. How dare you call me a loser after all that. I am a very happy person! I’m a successful man!
– You’re a bad person, Howard,” Linda said, “You don’t even realize how bad you are… And everything you say is very bad. Why did I put up with this for so many years? What was I waiting for?
– Oh, stop this comedy, Linda,” said Howard. “Why, oh, why. What really happened? Yes, you caught me with another woman. So what? You could understand… Forgive…
– I wish I could! – Linda protested vehemently.
– Yes, yes, – agreed Howard. – I found some of your money in the closet and spent it.
– Some?!” exclaimed Linda. “Fifty thousand! You call that some money?!
– And by the way, Linda, it’s your own fault,” said Howard. “Why did you hide from me that you had that kind of money? If I had known what you were saving, I wouldn’t have spent it.
Linda could not believe her ears.
– You spent it on that woman I set you up with. How could you, Howard? How could you… I put that money aside for us to go on a trip together, and you…
– Well, okay, okay,” Howard said. “I agree. I was wrong. Well, punish me.
– Punish me?” Linda didn’t understand. -How?
– Let’s do this. You will also collect … Only you and our children will go on a trip, and I will stay at home for this.
– Save up?” Linda exclaimed. “With your salary, surely you can…
– Yes!” Howard protested vehemently. “I don’t make enough! So what? Yes, I’ve had a small salary all my life. Yes, I have not made a career in twenty-five years at the same place. Yes! But I am, Linda, for your information, an honest man. And I can safely look people in the eye. And besides, why should I earn a lot if you earn a lot? If you didn’t earn much, then I’d…
– What are you talking about, – said Linda. – He would earn a lot. How? Why would you start earning a lot?
– I would,” said Howard, calmly, “if I had to.
– That’s it!” said Linda. “I’ve had enough. I’m divorcing you.
– Ouch! You scared me!” said Howard. “Look at her! She’s getting a divorce. So please. Divorce me. It’s better for me. The kids are grown up, I don’t have to pay alimony. This apartment was bought during the marriage. Come on, Linda. Get a divorce. But before you file for divorce, think about this: why did you wait so long to leave me, Linda?
Linda wanted to answer, but… somehow suddenly calmed down and looked at her husband with interest.
– I remembered! – Linda said happily. – I remembered everything.
– Remembered what?” Howard was even confused by his wife’s statement and her sudden change of mood.
– I remembered, Howard, why I didn’t leave you before, – Linda said, and she was so happy, so happy that she laughed.
She laughed for ten minutes without stopping. She laughed and tears of laughter flowed down her face.
– Oh, my mother, I can’t stand it now,” Linda said through her laughter.
Howard even thought that she was going to get sick and wanted to take action, but Linda calmed down and, wiping her tears with a napkin, looked happily at her husband.
– I remembered,” she said, “and it was so funny that…
– I want to know what you remembered,” Howard said.
– No, don’t ask, Linda said, trying to hide her smile, “You don’t want to know, Howard, trust me. For your own good.
– Linda, I demand,” Howard said, “that you tell me the truth.
– ‘Don’t ask,’ said Linda. ‘Believe me. It’s better for you not to know. I’m afraid that if you find out… You won’t be able to stand it… Neither of us will.
Linda started laughing again.
– Linda, stop that ridiculous laughter and tell me everything,” Howard demanded.
– No!
– If you don’t tell me, Linda, I don’t know what I’ll do! – Howard exclaimed.
– So go. But I won’t tell you.
– Well, if you want, I’ll kneel down in front of you, Linda,” Howard said and knelt down, “just tell me.
– “Well, all right, all right, Howard,” she said. “Why don’t you just say so? I’ll tell you. Only you get up.
Howard made a serious face, stood up, shook out his pants.
– I’m listening,” he said.
– It’s about our children, Howard,” Linda said.
– What do you mean, Linda?” Howard asked. “Why do you say… your children?
– Well… that’s… because that’s what it is, Howard,” said Linda.
– Let me get this straight, Howard asked.
– Yes,” Linda hastened to say. “You’ve got that right.
– What, all three of them?
Linda shook her head in denial.
– Not all of them?” Howard asked.
– All of them, Linda replied. -But not the three of them.
– What do you mean not three?” Howard asked. “How many are there?
– Four, said Linda.
– Where’s the fourth one coming from?
– I’m expecting the fourth, said Linda. -He’ll be here in six months.
– So that’s what you were afraid of when you laughed, Howard guessed.
– Yeah,” Linda said. “Can you imagine if laughing had done that?
– Three months pregnant?
– Well, now that I think about it, it makes me laugh even harder,” Linda said.
– Linda! – exclaimed Howard. – I would say who you are after all this… yes… there are no words to express all my indignation, Linda! I just can’t find the words. So you’ve been lying to me all these years?
– You mean all these years while I fed you, washed your clothes, cleaned up after you, cooked for you, spent my money on you and put up with your antics? Is that what you mean?” Linda asked. “Or do you mean the time you took my money and spent it on who? Is that what you mean?
– Yes, Linda, I mean all that time!” said Howard confidently.
– Yes, Howard, all this time I was deceiving you! – Linda said confidently. – You ask why I did it? Why didn’t I divorce you earlier? Maybe I was waiting for something, or maybe… You see, all my life I thought only about children. Maybe I would have thought about you too, but… You did nothing for that.
Howard listened to his wife and remembered how happy and carefree he had been all these years.
– And now, – Linda continued, – I remember that from time to time I was going to divorce you, but… The child appeared, and I was not up to it. It’s a wonder I’m talking about this now. If you hadn’t taken that money and I hadn’t found you with someone else, everything would probably have stayed the same.
– Well, do you feel guilty?” Howard asked.
– “I know I do,” Linda replied, “but I keep thinking: “Why did I become like this?”
– And why?
– It was you who turned me into this way of life, – Linda answered confidently.
– Do you think it’s my fault?
– I think we are both to blame, – Linda replied, – and we both got what we deserved.
– We’re getting a divorce!” said Howard.
– I agree, said Linda, but only after I have my fourth child.
Linda became a mother again in due time. A month after that she divorced Howard.
Howard is now trying to get the right not to pay alimony through the court. But he is not succeeding.
It turns out that it is not so easy to do.
And given the impracticality of Howard and his laziness, he is unlikely to achieve it…
