LIFE IN ORDER
Linda, I wont have you talking to your sister or her lot anymore! They’ve their own lives, and we’ve ours. Have you phoned Emily again? Complained about me, have you? I warned you. Dont blame me if something happens, Brian grabbed my shoulder, his grip biting.
Whenever this happened, Id drift in silence to the kitchen, tears welling up, bitter and hot. Really, Id never once complained to Emily, my own sister, about my home life. We simply kept in touch. Our elderly parents gave us endless things to talk about. This infuriated Brianhe couldnt stand Emily. Her home was peaceful, comfortable, and prosperous. You couldnt say the same about ours.
Back when I married Brian, you’d never have found a happier woman in all of England. Brian swept me up in a whirlwind of passion. His height didnt trouble me at all, even though he was nearly a head shorter. Nor did I think much of Brians mother, who staggered into the registry office on our wedding day, barely upright. Later, I found out shed been an alcoholic for years.
Enchanted by love, I saw only what I wanted. After a year of marriage, though, I began to doubt the happiness Id believed in. Brian drank heavily, stumbling home drunk as cider. Affairs soon followed. I worked as a nurse at the hospital; the pay was meagre. Brian preferred yammering the hours away in pubs.
He made no effort to support me. In the beginning, Id dreamt of children; now I was content to care for our pedigree tomcat. I no longer wished for children with a man who drank himself insensible. Yet, some part of me still loved Brian.
Linda, youre daft! my colleague Grace chided, Look at youloads of blokes would jump through hoops for you! Youre blinkered, clinging to your little goblin. Whats he got that keeps you here, covered in bruises? You think we dont notice you trowelling on makeup to hide those black eyes? Leave before he does you in, love!
Brians rages were sudden and violenta boiling, pointless fury. More than once, he lashed out so badly that I couldnt make my day shift. Once he locked me in the flat, taking the only key when he went out.
From then on, I feared him completely. My spirit would shrink and my heart thud madly the moment I heard his key scrape the lock. I thought perhaps he sought revengefor my failing to have his child, for being a poor wife, for any imagined slight. So I didnt resistnot when he raised a hand, not when he hurled insults, not even through the worst of his cruelties. Why did I still love him?
I heard her voice often, Brians mother, like some old witch:
Linda dear, do as your husband says, love him with all your heart. Forget your family, those sisters of yoursand those friends, theyll only lead you astray.
And so I forgot friendship, shunned family, yielded to Brians every whim. I was entirely, hopelessly in his grasp.
Yet, I tingled with a strange delight when Brian, in tears, would beg my pardon, falling to his knees, kissing my feet. The reconciliation always felt thick with sweetness, almost magic. Hed scatter our bed with petals from roses so wonderfully scented they seemed otherworldly. In those moments, I soared, floated to some bliss among the clouds, and found my own fragile paradise.
Of course, I knew where Brian got those rosesnicked from his mate Petes garden, while Petes wife doted over them. Pete handed flowers off for pennies to other sorry drunks, and their wives swooned over the stolen blooms, forgiving every failing.
No doubt Id have dragged myself slavishly through decades at Brians side, piecing together my own illusion of happiness, had not fate stepped in quite by chance.
Let Brian gohes fathered my son. Youre barren, a dud flower, declared a strange woman coldly, as if offering a trade: give up my husband for her childs sake.
I dont believe you! Be off, before I lose my patience! I retorted, voice trembling.
Brian protested as best he could, desperate to brush the accusation aside.
Swear to me that hes not your son! I demanded, knowing Brian would falter before denying his own flesh and blood.
Brians silence said everything. I understood.
Linda, I never see you cheerful. Trouble at home? The hospital director, Dr. Henry Lawrence, whod always seemed distant, suddenly took notice of me.
Alls fine, I stammered, flustered under his gaze.
Good, good. When everything is in order, life is beautiful, Henry said with a curious, mysterious smile.
Dr. Lawrence, people whispered, had once been married, with a daughter. They said his wife left him for someone new. Now, at forty-two, he lived alonean unremarkable man with thick glasses, a receding hairline, barely taller than my shoulder. But when he came near, some sweet, heady scent seemed to bloom around himlike aftershave spiked with enchantment.
I couldnt resist his quiet charm. I tried to keep my distance, to leave quickly, before temptation took hold. His simple words haunted me: Its good when everything is in order. They cut through memy life was pure chaos, years slipping away too quickly for me to pause, to sort myself out.
In the end, I left Brian for my parents. My mother was stunned:
Linda, what on earth happened? Did Brian throw you out?
No, Mum. Ill explain later, I mumbled, full of shame, unable to admit the truth of married life.
Soon Brians mother rang, hurling curses and blame. But I straightened my back, sucked in the cool, fresh air. I felt new again. Thank you, Dr. Lawrence.
Brian raved, threatened, lurked wherever I went. He hadnt a clue Id slipped from his hold entirely.
Brian, stop wasting your time. Your son needs you more than I do. Ive turned the page. Farewell, I replied, steady as stone.
At last, I rejoined Emily and our parents. I became myself again, no longer a marionette on tangled strings.
Grace caught the change at once:
Linda, youre glowing! Youre like a different womanradiant, lighthearted, blooming. Honestly, like a bride!
Dr. Lawrence surprised me with a proposal:
Linda, marry me! I promise youll never regret it. But do me a favourcall me Henry, not Doctor at home.
Do you love me, Henry? I asked, surprised by how suddenly it all happened.
Oh, forgive me, forgot you need words to go with it. Yes, I suppose I love youthough I trust actions more, Henry said, with a gentle kiss on my hand.
I will, Henry. Im sure Ill grow to love you, I replied, joy welling up inside me.
Ten years swept past.
Henry proved his love through every day, never a grand gesture or empty promise like Brians. He was caring, attentive, generous in quiet, stalwart ways. We never had children togetherperhaps I really was a dud flower after all! Henry didnt mind, never reproached or hurt me, not with words nor with silence.
Linda, if its just the two of us, thats more than enough for me, hed reassure me, whenever the ache of lost dreams returned.
His daughter from before gave us a granddaughter, Alexandra, who became our darling, the child we cherished above all.
As for Brian, the drink finally carried him off not long after, not yet fifty. His mother sometimes scowls at me from across the market, her glare scorching. But the venom in her eyes falls short, dissolving in the air. I only feel a slight, passing pity.
As for usHenry and Ilife is truly in order. And life is beautiful.












