“Mum, can you let me know when Oliver and Emily are coming over? I’d rather stay home with Lily that day,” my daughter said. I frowned—why? “What’s the matter? What’s she done to upset you?” I asked, because I’d noticed more than once how she dodged spending time with her brother’s wife. It got me thinking—what’s really going on in our family, and how do I handle it?
**Family Gatherings and Tension**
I’ve got two grown kids: my son, Oliver, and my daughter, Sophie. Oliver’s been married to Emily for three years now—no kids yet. Sophie lives on her own with her seven-year-old, Lily, and they visit me often. I live in a little village with a cosy house and a garden, and to Lily, it’s paradise—she runs around, plays, even helps me water the plants. Oliver and Emily drop by too, but less often since they’re busy with work over in London.
I’ve always tried to keep the family close, especially on holidays. But these past couple of years, I’ve noticed Sophie avoiding visits if Emily’s around. At first, I thought it was coincidence, but then she outright said, “Mum, just give me a heads-up when they’re coming. I don’t want to cross paths.” I was surprised and asked why. She just brushed me off: “It’s nothing, just prefer not to.” But I’m her mum—I know something’s up.
**What’s the Deal with Emily?**
Emily seems lovely—polite, always helps with the dishes, brings little gifts, asks after my health. She and Oliver look happy together—he adores her. But I’ve started noticing she’s a bit chilly with Sophie. Like at our last Sunday roast, Emily barely spoke to her, and when Lily babbled away, Emily just smiled—quiet. Maybe it’s small, but Sophie takes it as indifference.
I’ve tried talking to Sophie, but she dodges or jokes it off. Once, though, she admitted, “Mum, she’s just… snooty. Acts like she’s above us, like Lily and I are in her way.” I was surprised—Emily’s never come off that way to me. But maybe I’m missing what my daughter sees. Sophie’s always been sensitive, and after her divorce, she’s been even more so.
**A Chat with My Son**
I brought it up with Oliver, wondering if there was some fallout. He reckoned Emily’s fine with Sophie—just “not the same wavelength.” He added, “Sophie’s got her guard up these days, always in her own head.” I disagreed—Sophie’s warm and open. Maybe she just feels awkward around Emily.
Oliver said he’d talk to Emily, but I’m not sure it’ll help. I’m worried this tension’ll just grow. Lily adores her Uncle Oliver, but calls Emily “the aunt who never talks.” Kids pick up on things better than we do.
**Keeping the Family Together**
It hurts, seeing my kids struggle to get along with the people they should feel closest to. I want us all together like before—Lily growing up with a loving family around her. But how, if Sophie won’t even share a room with Emily? Should I talk to them both? Or stay out of it and let them sort it themselves? I’m scared meddling might make it worse.
If you’ve been through something like this—how’d you fix it? How do I help my daughter and daughter-in-law find common ground? Or maybe I’m pushing too hard, and I need to accept they’ll never be close? Honestly, I’d love some advice.
