Tuesday, March 14th
I found myself sitting on the windowsill again today, gazing out over the garden and the road beyond. I was waiting for Dad to come home. Its been two years since Mum walked out on us, and sometimes it still hurts. Dad once told me, very quietly, that shes started a new life with another family. Why did she leave me behind? I suppose Ill never know. These days, my memories of her are starting to fade. Maybe thats for the best.
Dad has always gone out of his way for me. I turned ten last month; I know things now, and theres no need for him to hide much from me. There isnt really any point, is there? I can wash up the dishes, and I keep my clothes neatly folded. I dont bother with toys anymore Im nearly a grown-up. But if Im honest, it feels so lonely sometimes. I really miss having a dog. But Dad always shakes his head when I ask.
Whos going to look after it? I work all day, youre busy with school, and youre still far too young, hed tell me firmly.
So, instead of a dog, Dad brought home someone else a woman called Jane. She moved in last autumn. I barely spoke to her. She felt like an intruder. Dad started calling her his wife, saying he hoped shed be like a mum to me.
But I didnt want that. I told Dad, I dont need her! and stomped back to my room, shutting myself off. We carried on like that. Dad seemed happier with Jane around theyd laugh together, share cups of tea, and hug in the hallway. I watched them and felt nothing but resentment.
Dad, I want her to leave, I blurted one evening.
Ben, he replied, its hard for us to live on our own. We need a wife, a mum in this house.
Spring arrived, and I spent more time out in the garden, kicking a ball with the lads from school. One day, my mates told me, Your dad and his new wife will send you off to a childrens home, youll see. I panicked. Why shouldnt they? Maybe theyd have a new baby, and Id be in the way.
I began plotting. I overheard Jane talking on the phone and caught the words, Hell be well looked after, we could send him there. That night, I barely slept, convinced I needed to get Jane out of our house. She just made everything harder.
To drive her away, I acted up I ruined her tea by pouring salt in, left the oven on beneath an empty pan, anything to be a nuisance. Jane seemed to know who was behind it all and finally called me into the kitchen for a chat.
Ben, we need to talk, she said calmly. Youre angry.
Im not angry, I replied defensively, trying to dodge her questions.
Ben, darling, I dont want to hurt you. I really dont, she said, reaching for my hand.
Im not your darling! I snapped.
She smiled gently. Look, your dad and I have rented a cottage for the summer. We wanted it to be a surprise, but its time to tell you. Your dads found you a puppy, and were picking him up today. Would you like to come along?
I stared at her in disbelief. Youre not joking?
No, love, she assured me.
I threw my arms around her, unable to hold back my smile. Janes eyes were bright as she brushed my hair back.
There you go, she said, everything will be alright now. No reason to cry lets just be happy.
When Dad got home, we drove out to collect the puppy together. My anger melted away, and I realised Jane wasnt the enemy after all. We made peace. Our little dog curled up on my lap as we drove home. Dad, Jane, and I laughed all the way back. Everything finally felt hopeful again.
