Two grown children, and I cant seem to get any help from them. They visit me as if theyre holidaying at a country retreathere to unwind and relax. I end up feeling more like the hired help, setting everything up, cooking and cleaning, and tending to all their needs. They dont lift a finger, let alone offer to pay for anything.
I have a son and a daughter. Of course, theyre always my children, but theyre both adults now with families of their own. My son has two children, and my daughter just the one, at least for now. I live in my old house in the countryside, so my children and grandkids often come round to see me. Yet every year it grows harder for me when they do.
They see my home as a sort of holiday cottage. I run around doing all the choresplanning the shopping, cooking proper meals, making sure the bedrooms are ready. Ive always welcomed guests like this; its tradition in our family. My mother always greeted everyone in this mannera table groaning with food and the comforts of home. But my sister and I never took advantage. We understood that it was a lot for Mum to handle on her own. We washed up, looked after the kids, tidied, did the shopping, and helped her where we could. She never had to ask.
But now, when my children arrive, if one of them bothers to clear a plate from the sink, I feel I ought to thank them. Its not the in-laws I mindthey are guests and, after all, Im not their mother. But I get upset that my son and daughter dont seem to know how to help at all. They eat, lounge in front of the television, or leave the grandchildren with me while they go off to visit friends or for a walk. All the tidying, cooking, washing up, sweeping, looking after the little onesit falls on me. The house always feels chaotic when theyre here.
Each time they visit I find it more exhausting. My back aches, and I simply dont have the stamina to be on my feet at the cooker for hours anymore. Yet Ive been brought up not to turn a blind eye or shirk my duties. If youre to welcome guests, you must do it properly. I get myself all worked up over the weekend and spend days afterwards recovering.
I know I need help, but it feels wrong to ask. I worry the children will think Im ungrateful or that I dont appreciate them. Of course Im glad to see them, but carrying the whole load on my own is too much now. And there are things about the house I just cant manage anymore. Still, Im too embarrassed to say anything. Theyre busy working, its not as if they should be working for me too.
Im at a loss. Good manners and upbringing keep me from saying anything, but doing it all alone is becoming impossible. Honestly, I need help, whichever way I look at it. Yet a sense of shame stops me askingtheyve always taught us to cope alone, thats what our parents passed down, and I cant seem to break free. So I struggle on, unable to get past it. I feel both hurt and foolish at once. I cant understand why my children dont offer; surely they must see Im not twenty anymore. Yet still, theres no one to offend, but the pain sticks. I dont know how to solve this at all.
