Jonathan Edwards woke up this morningrather a decent start to the day, really. When you reach the ripe old age of 118, just opening your eyes counts as an achievement.
First task of the day: the morning MOT. Left eyeclear. Right eyea bit foggy. Rinsed it, popped in some dropsgood as new. Bent everything that was meant to bend, oiled what wasn’t. Checked his forward and reverse gears, gave his neck a good rotation just to hear the reassuring crunch. Satisfied that all systems were go, he tapped his foot twice, clapped three times, and set off into another day.
Eight on the dot, the phone rang as scheduled from the Pensions Office.
Morning, Beatrice, he croaked merrily into the receiverthough it was his birthday, she sounded rather glum.
And a good morning to you, Mr. Edwards, she replied, sighing, How are you feeling?
Cant complain, Jonathan answered, grinning into the phone.
Thats the trouble, Mr. Edwards. Because of you, this is my fifth warning this year! Its been thirty years since you swapped your workplace pension for the state one.
Sorry about that. Heard were getting a bit more this month?
Yes. A rise she replied, her tone as cheerful as rain on a bank holiday. Youre not working anywhere on the side, are you? she added hopefully.
No, cant say I am. Ive plenty of money, really.
A shamewell, all the best She didnt finish and hung up.
At nine, Jonathan sat down for breakfast with his great-great-grandson, who didnt live with him but always had a key. Upon arrival, the lad usually got straight to measuring up: one day the kitchen, next the loo. Then hed be off calculating expenses, drawing up furniture plans.
Today, though, hed forgotten his tape measure.
Grab the one on the dresseryour granddads old one, Jonathan chuckled, pouring tea into the pot with a nostalgic glint in his eye.
The young man sighed and tucked into his great-great-granddads famous fried eggs.
At ten, Jonathan popped outside for a smoke.
Oh! Mr. Edwards, fancy seeing you puffing away again! Dyou know smoking causes The neighbour paused, eyeing the very picture of health before him. After all, Jonathan began smoking at an age when most pass away from exactly what that causes.
Were off to London today, the neighbour continued.
Whats to do there?
Ride the Underground, pop to Trafalgar Square, maybe see Buckingham Palace before they change the guard again.
Whats the pointpalace is a palace.
Ever seen it yourself?
Came to our village once.
In a hearse?!
No, in a carriage.
How old are you, anyway?
Turned eighteen, Jonathan muttered as he drew on his cigarette.
Pull the other one.
Stayed on for a second round.
Well, happy birthday then!
Cheers, Jonathan replied and headed inside.
By eleven, the manager from British Telecom was on the line, almost begging Jonathan to change his phone plan. The ancient tariff he was on now existed only for him; recalculated in todays pounds, BT was actually paying him a little each month.
At five, Jonathan popped into Sainsburys. Birthday traditionthe supermarket offered a discount matching the birthday boys age. He picked up a cake, a kilo of bananas, and a widescreen television. With the change, he called a cab and a pair of blokes to help him load.
At seven on the dot, the coroners office rang, asking if hed finally collect his insurance policy and slippers.
By eight, the guests had arrived. Jonathan laid out the food, switched on his brand-new television, and poured the wine. The toasts were brief and hesitantno one was quite sure what to wish him, so they simply stood up one at a time.
At ten, the police knocked, politely requesting a bit of hush as some elderly residents next door were struggling to sleep. Jonathan himself opened the door, causing the constables a curious switch in reality.
He finally settled into bed near midnight, as most of his exhausted guests departed either for home or the hospital. Smiling into the quiet, he slipped off his finger and tucked beneath his pillow the magical gold ring that had kept him going all those yearsa ring, inscribed by his late wife, reading in tiny letters, Live for the both of us.
Thats exactly what Ive done. And today, Ive remembered that sometimes, just making it through the daywith a smileis the greatest achievement of them all.
