John came home and wandered into the kitchen, where his dinner sat waiting for him on the table. How odd, he thought, wheres Alice? Puzzled, John popped his head into the bedroom and found his wife sitting on the floor, folding clothes into her bag.
Are you going somewhere? John asked.
Theyre sending me up to London for some tests. Ive got a few worrying symptoms, Alice blurted out.
Worrying? What sort of worrying? he replied, startled. You dont mean what took your mum?
John stared, unable to process what he was hearing.
For days, John found himself utterly out of sorts. All he could do was fret over Alice, who was now in London undergoing medical checks. Meanwhile, John stayed behind in their village in Oxfordshire, waiting anxiously for any word from his wife.
Alice never was one to complain, and John had long ago decided that meant she had no problems. Theyd been married thirty years and raised two children together. The entire house seemed to spin on Alices axis. Cooking, cleaning, laundry she handled everything. John had always taken it as a given. Washing up or slaving over a stew? Not a mans job, hed sayand he actually believed it.
Despite this, Alice wasnt a stay-at-home wife; she worked as an accountant at the same firm as John. Still, every day after slogging back from the office, John would moan about being exhausted, then collapse on the sofa and turn the telly on, as if this too was part of his daily contract.
Meanwhile, Alice shot straight into the kitchen to get on with supper and next days packed lunch, washed up, tidied the house, sorted laundrythe usual never-ending relay. Their home was always neat as a pin. Dinner? Fresh, hot, delicious. John had no patience for leftovers, so Alice spent half her life at the hob. She never asked him to help, and, honestly, it never crossed his mind. Why would it? Not really a blokes department, is it?
When Alice took a day off for a checkup, John was baffled.
Whats up? he asked. Have you come down with something?
Hopefully not, Alice shrugged. Just havent been feeling right lately.
Maybe you just need a good multivitamin, John suggested. Spring and all.
Maybe, Alice replied.
That evening, when John returned from work, Alice told him she had to go up to London to see a specialist.
What? Why? John was flummoxed.
Theyre a bit concerned about my health. They want to do some proper tests, Alice replied.
So, you mean, what like what your mum had?
Its just a suspicion for nowplease, dont worry, Alice tried to soothe him, though shed already had her own cry before he got home. Ive bought my train ticket. Im leaving at eight in the morning. Theres dinner for youpork chops with rice on the hob and a salad on the table. I want to get my things packed and an early night, if thats all right.
You havent eaten?
Dont fancy it, Alice replied, zipping up her overnight bag.
John stared at her, his mind reeling. Alice might be seriously ill. How on earth? Shed always been so full of beans, never a whinge.
I think Ive packed everything I need, Alice said at last.
Dont forget your phone charger, John mumbled.
Oh, Id have forgotten that! Thanks, John. Arent you going to have your dinner?
Im not really hungry either.
Have I upset you?
He nodded miserably.
His eyes lingered on the suitcase Alice usedthe one shed bought four years ago for a seaside holiday they never quite managed. How excited Alice had been about that trip! After years of summer holidays just down at the allotment, a week on the English seaside had seemed wildly exotic.
Shed treated herself to a pair of bright swimsuits, a lovely dress, and a straw hat, but, as fate had it, they never made it. John had been asked to cover for someone off sick at work, and the boss had dangled a plump bonus. John just couldnt say noit all seemed sensible at the time, especially since theyd been planning to redecorate the bedroom. The bonus would come in handy, hed thought.
At the time, John convinced himself that Alice understood, maybe was even pleased. But later that night, hed heard her softly crying in bed. Shed said shed had a bad dream, but only now did it dawn on himshe was crying because shed so looked forward to the seaside.
A year later, it hadnt worked out, and after that Alice simply stopped mentioning holidays. This had suited John perfectly. Why go anywhere? There was always plenty to get on with at the allotment, and anyway, the river was just round the corner for a quick dip. Why spend money on trips, when you can barbecue at home and invite mates over?
And now, here was Alice, repacking her suitcase for London, not the coast. What if? John shuddered and pushed the thought aside.
That night, he didnt touch his dinner. All night, he lay awake, listening to Alice quietly sniffling beside him. He longed to hold her, to comfort her, but, somehow, he couldnt bring himself to do it.
In the morning, John walked Alice to the station. They shared a tight hug before her train, and John felt a lump rise in his throat as he watched her go.
Alice, he murmured almost inaudibly, love, let everything be all right
He felt totally wrung out, but had no choice but to pull himself together and shuffle off to work. The days grind helped, temporarily. But as soon as he returned home, the empty flat swallowed him up and the gloom crept back in. He forced himself to reheat last nights dinner and had a few half-hearted bites.
Trying to distract himself, he flicked on the telly, found absolutely nothing to watch, then turned it right back off again.
He fetched the photo album from the cupboard and started leafing through it.
Here they were as newlywedsAlice, so pretty and slim. Of course, she was still lovely now, but back then John had completely lost his head when he first saw her.
Theyd met at his mates birthday. Alice had come with her boyfriend, while John had brought along his own girlfriend. But the minute he spotted Alice, hed fallen hopelessly for her. If someone had told him earlier hed fall for a woman at first sight, hed have burst out laughingnonsense! Love at first sight, really? Surely not for him. But there you go.
He ended up arguing with his girlfriend at that party. She couldnt help but notice his admiration for Alice, and stormed outside for a row.
Well, that says it all, then, John said. We should have called it a day ages ago. I never really loved you anyway.
She left in tears, but within a week was dating Victor, whod chased her since school, and eventually married him.
John had to work to win Alice over. Even after she broke up with her boyfriend, she made him wait. But eventually, she relented, and that was that.
John flipped through the album, reliving the happiest moments of their life together. How lucky he was, all these years, and how little hed valued it. When had he last told Alice he loved her? Paid her a compliment? Even said thank you for dinner? He couldnt remember. It seemed hed simply assumed Alices care was just her job.
Only now did John truly see how much Alice had shouldered: every household chore, every little worry. Whenever he fell ill, Alice fussed over him, made hot Ribena and chicken soup, listened to his moans, and cosseted him. When she was poorly, shed swallow a couple painkillers and head straight out to work
The thought of possibly losing Alice terrified him. During the days of her London trip, John toggled onto autopilot. They phoned each day, but Alice gave him no firm news. John was a wreck.
He berated himself for not being a better husband, for all the times he was selfish. If only he could put things right…
John, Alice finally rang one evening, Ive got good news! Its not what they thought. Yes, I need some treatment, but it isnt nearly as bad as we feared.
Really? John nearly shouted with relief. Alice, thats the best news Ive ever heard
A few days later, John greeted Alice at the station, carrying a bouquet of her favourite white lilies.
John, you spent money on flowers? Alice smiled, surprised. But thank you, its lovely.
I was terrified for you, John admitted, hugging her tight. I love you so much Im sorry.
Sorry for what? Alice frowned.
I havent been the best husband. Not by a long shot.
What makes you say that? Or you havent, well, cheated, have you?
Of course not! John gasped. I just meanI took you for granted, hardly helped But its going to be different from now on. And! Ive got a surprise for you.
Oh?
I bought us tickets. Next months holidaywere off to the seaside, just like you always wanted.
The seaside? But what about the allotment?
Oh, blow the allotment! John waved it off. Maybe we should sell it altogetherbuy veg at the market like normal people.
I hardly recognise you, John
I hardly recognise myself, Alice. I was so frightened I might lose you. Youre the most precious thing I have I love you so much.
Oh, John Alice grinned, shaking her head. Maybe I needed that scare, just to hear you say it. Come on then, lets go home I love you too.They walked home hand in hand, the sun dipping over the hedgerows, casting golden lines across the quiet lane. John felt lighter than he had in years, as if every step with Alice beside him peeled a stone from his chest.
That evening, standing in the kitchen together, John rolled up his sleeves and washed the dishes while Alice told him stories from her tripfunny nurses, spectacularly bland hospital potatoes, the view from her window over the city lights.
They laughed, they cried, and when the last plate clinked onto the rack, John took Alices hand once more. Well do things differently now, he promised. Ill peel the carrots, scrub the pans, toast your good health every day.
Alice smiled, placing her cool palm gently on his cheek. Just dont burn the rice.
Ill try not to, he chuckled.
Weeks later, with the scent of seaweed on the air and gulls wheeling overhead, John and Alice walked barefoot across the sparkling sand, waves curling around their toes. There, with pockets of cheap seashells and sun-burnt noses, the burden of old routines washed away, replaced by something lighter, brighterearned.
John wasnt perfect, and he never would be. But as Alice laughed, swinging her sandals in the breeze, John realized that loving well meant not waiting until time was running out. Sometimes, it just meant holding hands, starting over, and finallytrulycoming home.
