John came home one evening and headed straight to the kitchen, where a hot meal waited for him on the table. Strange, wheres Emily? I wondered. Walking through to the bedroom, I found my wife sitting on the floor, folding clothes into her overnight bag.
Are you off somewhere? I asked, surprised.
Ive been referred to the hospital in Oxford for some tests. There are worrying suspicions, Emily suddenly said.
What kind of worrying? I blurted out. You mean what your mother had?
I stared at Emily, struggling to believe what I was hearing.
The days that followed, I couldnt settle at all. I was plagued with worry for my wife while she underwent investigations in the city. I stayed behind in our little village, waiting anxiously for any word from her.
Emily was never one to complain, and Id long thought she had no troubles at all. Wed been married for thirty years and raised two children together. Emily held our home together. Cooking, cleaning, sorting out the little daily crisesshe managed it all. Id always taken it for granted, thinking it simply wasnt a mans job to wash up or stand over the hob.
This was despite the fact that Emily also worked as an accountant at the same firm as me. After a long day at work, Id come home, drop onto the sofa, whinge about how exhausted I was, and turn on the telly, while Emily rushed to the kitchen to get dinner ready, packed a lunch for the following day, did the washing up, tidied the house and ironed our clothes. The list never seemed to end.
The house was always spotless, and there was always good, freshly cooked food on the table. I never liked eating the same thing two days running, which meant Emily spent even more time in the kitchen. She never grumbled or asked me for help, and the thought of offering never crossed my mind. Why would it? Cooking and cleaning werent mens business.
So when Emily took some time off work to go to the doctors, I was genuinely surprised.
Whats the matter? I asked. Are you not well?
I hope its nothing, Emily replied, but I havent been feeling right lately.
Maybe you just need some vitamins? It is spring, after all, I suggested.
Perhaps, Emily shrugged.
That evening, Emily told me shed have to go to Oxford for a check-up.
What? Why? I was stunned.
Theres a concern over my health. Ive been referred to specialist care, she explained.
You mean what your mum had?
She tried to assure me it was just a suspicion, but I could see the worry in her eyes, and there were signs shed been crying before I got back. Ive bought my coach ticket. Im leaving tomorrow morning. Theres food on the stovemeatballs and rice, salad on the table. I need to pack and try to get an early night.
Have you eaten?
Im not hungry, she said softly, folding her things.
I watched her silently, dazed by the thought that Emily, always so lively, could be in danger. I remember this was the same holdall wed bought when, four years ago, wed planned to go to the seaside. Emily had been so excited about that trip, picking out a couple of bright swimsuits, a new dress, and a straw hat. But we never went. Work had rung up unexpectedly and asked if Id fill in for a sick colleague, promising a good bonus. I agreed, thinking we could use the extra cash for decorating our bedroom instead.
At the time, Emily seemed to support my decision, even smiled. But I remember hearing her crying quietly that night, though when I asked, shed said shed had a bad dream. Only now did it strike meshed wept because her dream holiday never happened.
The next year got away from us, and she stopped mentioning the trip. I was almost relieved. Why bother with all that hassle and expense? We had our garden, where there was always something to do, and we could relax with a barbecue and friends. The river not far from the village was perfect for a swim. There was no need. A good rest could be had at home.
Now, Emily was packing that same bagbut not for a holiday, for hospital tests. The thought shook me.
That night, I barely ate and couldnt sleep for ages. I lay there, hearing her quiet sobs, wanting to hold her and comfort her, but somehow I didnt know how.
In the morning, I walked her to the bus stop. Before she got on, we hugged tightlyI didnt want to let her go. I stood there watching the coach drive away, my eyes stinging.
Emily, I whispered, my love, please let everything be alright
I felt utterly empty as I dragged myself to work that day. Immersing myself in the job offered a small respite from my anxiety, but it all came flooding back as soon as I walked into our empty house. The flat felt cold and lifeless without Emily. I forced myself to reheat leftovers and ate a little.
Trying to occupy my mind, I flicked the telly on, but nothing held my interest. Eventually, I took the old photo album down from the shelf and flipped through the pages.
There we were just marriedEmily looking so pretty and slim. Shes still beautiful, of course, but in those days Id been completely bowled over.
Wed met at my mates birthday party. Emily was there with another chap, and Id come with a girl myself. But as soon as I saw Emily, I fell for her right away. If anyone had told me before that Id believe in love at first sight, Id have laughed in their face. Silly nonsense. That couldnt possibly happen to meexcept it did.
That night, I ended up quarrelling with Kate, my then-girlfriend. She saw at once how I kept looking at Emily, and dragged me outside for a proper telling-off.
Fine by me, I shrugged. We shouldve split up ages ago. I never really loved you.
Kate left in tears, though within a week shed started seeing Victor from school and soon married him.
Winning Emily wasnt easy. Even after she broke up with the man she was with, she didnt rush into my arms, but eventually, she said yes to me, and I was walking on air.
As I paged through our photos, memories washed over mehow blissful those years had been. Had I cherished Emily the way I should have done? When was the last time I told her I loved her, or paid her a compliment? I couldnt remember. I probably hadnt even said thank you for a delicious dinner, always assuming shed look after me. Surely thats what a wife does?
Only now did I realise just how much Emily took on herselfeverything at home, all the chores. Maybe Id decided she was so strong that she never tired. If I ever got sick, she fussed over me, made lemon tea and chicken soup, listened to my moans, babied me but when she was unwell, shed gulp down some tablets and soldier on to work.
The thought of losing her made me feel sick with fear. I lived on autopilot for those days while she had her tests. We spoke on the phone daily, but Emily always kept her answers vague, and I couldnt stop worrying.
I regretted not being more consideratea better husband. How selfish Id been. If only I could turn back the clock
Then one evening, while I was pacing the flat again, my phone rang.
John, I have good news! The tests were fine. Theres an issue, but nothing serious, Emily said.
Really? I shouted. Emily, Im so relieved!
A few days later I was waiting at the bus station to greet her, clutching a big bunch of her favourite white lilies.
John, you shouldnt have spent your money on flowers! Emily laughed. But thank you, theyre lovely.
I was so worried about you, I said, hugging her tight, I love you so much Please forgive me.
For what, John? Emily asked, puzzled.
I havent always been the best husband I know I havent done my share.
You havent been unfaithful, have you?
Good heavens, no! I gasped. I just mean I havent looked after you as I should. But things will be different now. And Ive got a surprise for you.
What is it?
Ive bought ticketsnext month, during our holiday, were going to the coast.
To the seaside? What about the garden?
Oh, forget the garden! I laughed. Maybe we should just sell itbuy our vegetables at the market.
I barely recognise you, John
I barely recognise myself, Emily. The thought of losing you changed everything. From now on, Ill treat you like the most precious thing I have. I love you so much
Oh, John! Emily smiled. Maybe it all had to happen just so I could hear you say those words. Come on, lets go home I love you too.
Looking back now, I see just how lucky I am. I nearly lost what mattered most, all for taking it for granted. Ive learned that love isnt just what you feelits what you do, and Im determined never to forget it again.
