Ive given you a son, but we dont want anything from you, said Nicolas lover on the phone.
Alan looked at Laura as though hed shrunk by half, his face gloomy and defeated.
Yes, you heard me right, Laura. Six months ago, I I was with someone else. Just a few timesit meant nothing. But shes had my son. Recently
Lauras world spun. It was hard enough to grasp the words, let alone their meaning.
Her loyal, loving husbanda father out there to a child from an affair! Laura struggled to make sense of it.
Alan sat slumped, wringing his hands between his knees, looking smaller than usual, almost deflated.
A son? So you, a married man, have a child. And I wasnt the one who gave birth to him. Lauras voice was flat.
I swear I didnt know, Laura. Truly, Alan said, looking desperate.
Didnt know how babies are made? Youre forty, Alan.
I didnt know shed go through with it. We broke it off ages ago; she went back to her husband. I assumed all was fine. Then yesterday, I get a call, Youve got a son, seven pounds, healthy, and she hung up.
Laura stood up shakily, her legs weak as if shed just run a marathon.
Outside, autumn was in full swingwind howling, leaves swirling.
She found herself admiring the golden chaos through the window despite everything.
So, what now? Laura asked, her back still turned.
I dont know.
What a solid answer from the head of the family. Her tone was sharp as she faced him quickly. Will you go see them?
Alan looked up in guilt. She left the maternity wards address, said the discharge is the day after tomorrow. Just said, Come if you want, dont if you dont. We want nothing from you. Ever so proud, isnt she? Needs nothing from me
Needs nothing, Laura echoed dryly. Saintly simplicity.
Suddenly, the front door slammedthe older children were home.
Lauras smile flicked on effortlessly. Years in business had made maintaining composure instinctive, even when her world crashed.
James, tall and broad-shouldered, peered in. Whats up? Why the long faces? Mum, is there anything to eat? Were starving after training.
Theres a shepherds pie in the fridgeheat it up, Laura called.
Dad, can you look at my cars engine later? The younger son, Oliver, nudged Alan.
Laura watched. Her heart squeezed painfully at the scene. They called him Dad. Their real father was a ghostcheques and the odd card. Alan raised them: taught them to drive, nursed scraped knees, attended parents evenings, fixed problems at school. He was their father.
Alan forced a smile. I will, Olly. Honest. Just need to chat with Mum first.
The boys thundered away, rattling cutlery.
They love you, said Laura softly. And you
Laura, please. I love them too. Theyre my boys. Ill never leave. I told youit was a stupid mistake. Nothing more. Just foolishness!
Foolishness, now with nappies to change. Lauras words stung.
Then in dashed little Molly, six years old, pigtails bouncing. Lauras defences cracked.
Daddy! Why are you sad? Did Mummy tell you off?
Alan gathered her onto his lap, burying his nose in her fine hair. He lived for her. Laura knew: Alan would protect Molly with a fierceness that frightened her, devoted and absolute.
No, sweetheart. Were just talking about grown-up things. Go pop the telly on; Ill be there soon.
When Molly trotted off, silence returned.
Things have changed, you know? Lauras voice was small as she sat down.
Im not leaving, Laura. I love you. I love the kids. I cant lose you all
Words, Alan. But the fact is this: You have a son out there. Hell need a father. She may say she wants nothing now, but when winter bites or the babys ill, shell ring. Alan, he needs a new coat or Alan, the doctors asked to see us. And youll go. Youre too soft-hearted for your own good.
Alan said nothing.
And the money, Alan? Where will you get it?
He flinched. Lauras finances had kept everything afloat since Alans business collapsed two years ago.
Now, he did odd jobs, scraped a livingnothing compared to Lauras income. The house, cars, family holidays, the boys educationall rested on her. His bank cards were frozen; he used cash, or one of Lauras accounts.
Ill find it somewhere, he muttered.
Will you drive a cab at night? Or dip into my purse to help your secret son and his mother? Imagine it: I support the family, and you support your mistress and her babywith my money?
Shes not my mistress! Alan snapped. It ended ages ago!
Children bond people tighter than any marriage certificate, Alan. Youll go to the hospital, see him, hold himand thats it. Youll get drawn in. I know you.
Laura turned on the kitchen tap, watched the water for a moment, and turned it off.
Shes eight years younger, Alan. Thirty-two. Gave you a son. Your blood. My boys arent yours by birth, although youve raised them. But he isflesh and blood. Think that wont matter?
Nonsense. The boys are mine.
Oh, dont start! All men dream of their own heir.
Weve got Molly!
Mollys a girl
Alan shot to his feet. Enough! Why are you pushing me out before Ive even gone? I said Im staying. But I cant pretend this boy doesnt exist. Im guiltyguilty everywhere. If you want, tell me to go. Ill pack and leave. I wont be blackmailed.
A sudden chill washed over Laura. If she said go, he really would. Proudfoolish, but proud. Hed leave with nothing, and drift to the other woman, be taken in, a hero, a fathermaybe poor, but hers. Laura would lose him for good.
But she didnt want to lose him. Despite the pain that burned her, she still loved him. The children loved him, too.
Breaking is easy; rebuilding isnt. Better to live with hurt than live alone in an empty house forever haunted by memories.
Sit down, she managed softly. Im not making you leave.
Alan hesitated, breathing heavily, then sat.
Im an idiot, Laura, he murmured.
Yes, she replied, but youre our idiot.
The evening passed in a fog. Laura helped Molly with homework, checked work emails, but her thoughts wandered. She pictured the other woman: younger, certainly beautiful. She was probably gazing at her infant, thinking shed won.
Needs nothing! A clever movenot begging, not demandingjust laying out the facts. You have a son, were proud, well cope.
No man could resist the urge to play the hero in that story.
Alan tossed and turned in his sleep; Laura stared into the dark. Forty-fivesuccessful, well-groomed, but youth was behind her. And there, elsewhere youth was winning.
***
Morning brought no relief. The boys wolfed down breakfast and left, but Molly became fussy.
Dad, plait my hair! Mums not as good.
Alan picked up the brush. His big handsused to car tools and heavy liftinggently parted Mollys fine hair. He plaited carefully, tongue poking out in concentration.
Laura watched as she sipped her tea. This was her husbandfamiliar, homely, loving. Yet another child somewhere else had just as much right to him. How could it be?
Alan, Laura said, once Molly had scampered off. We need to decide. Now.
He put the brush aside. I thought about it all night.
And?
I wont go to the hospital.
Something squeezed in Lauras chest, but she didnt let it show.
Why not?
Because if I go, Ill give hopeto her, to myself, to that baby. I cant be a father in two homes. I dont want to lie to you, or steal time from Molly and the boys. Eleven years ago, I chose you. Youre my wife. This is my family.
And that boy?
Ill send money. Properlymaintenance or a bank account. But visits? No. Better he grows up never knowing me than waits by the window for a father wholl never stay. Its more honest.
Laura twirled her wedding ring.
Are you sure? Wont you regret it?
I will, Alan admitted. Ill always wonder. But if I start visiting, Ill lose all of you. I know ityoure strong, Laura, but not made of stone. Youll come to hate me, and I dont want that. I cant explain it better.
Alan came and placed his hands on her shoulders.
I dont want a different life, Laura. I have you, and the children. The rest thats my punishment. Ill pay what I owe, financially, but nothing else. Not time, not care, not affectionI cant share those.
Laura covered his hand with hers.
Money, you say? She smiled crookedly.
Ill earn it. Ill move heaven and earth. And Ill never ask you to cover my mistakes. This is my responsibility, Laura.
She relaxed at last. Maybe her husband hadnt been entirely faithful, but these were the words shed been desperate to hear. She refused to share him. The other womans feelings or struggles didnt matter. Shed chosen this pathher problem, not Lauras.
***
Alan didnt go to the newborns discharge.
The woman then rang endlesslyangry, demanding, hurt. Alan made it clear: support, yes; meetings, no.
She hung up, and for the six months that followed, she never called again. Her number stopped working, and Laura was more than content with that.
Sometimes, life doesnt resolve cleanly or painlessly. Some wounds ache on, but choosing kindness, honesty, and standing by the family who never gave up on you may be the bravest and wisest thing youll ever do.
