Hey love, its Poppy. Ive called off the wedding. Yeah, you heard righttwo weeks before the day wed been talking about forever, everything was set down to the last detail. The venue in Bath was booked, the band was rehearsing the set list, the photographer had the whole day timed minute by minute, and my white dress was hanging in the wardrobe exactly the one Id imagined the moment I first saw it. Wed even found a bright little flat in Brighton, the cosy place we were supposed to move into straight after the ceremony and start our new life.
Why did I pull the plug? Because my fiancé, Thomas Blake, suddenly decided he could raise his hand against me.
Dont get me wrongwere both religious, we stick to modesty, we never even brushed each other. Our meetings were proper, respectful, all within the traditions. I truly believed Id found a man who could build a family on honour, gentleness and mutual support.
Then, on an ordinary Tuesday, with all the stress of the wedding building up, he snapped. First it was a shoutsharp, loud, nothing like his usual calm tone. A second later he gave me a real, ringing slap that made my vision go dark.
Yes, you heard me right. The same graduate from that topflight public school, the model student, the respected scholar everybody talked about, actually hit his bride two weeks before the wedding. The perfect gentlemanwhat can you say
His true colours flashed out. Maybe theyd always been there, just hidden behind a mask of decency, piety and respect. In a fit of anger he showed who he really wasand, sadly, not the kind of man who can protect and cherish.
Am I somehow glad it happened? It sounds terrible, but I think I saved myself. Better to see the monster before saying I do than spend a lifetime living in fear of every breath he takes.
Now, whats going on with my family after the cancellation? I cant even begin. Its a whirlwind of emotions, accusations, endless questions, neighbours and friends chatting about it nonstop. All I can say is that its crushing. Im shattered. I need therapy. Sometimes I think I just want a strong drug that will knock me out forever so I dont feel this endless ache.
Instead of support I get the feeling Im now the familys disgrace, as if Ive ruined everything, as if I should have endured, as if its my fault, you know? My soul feels broken into a thousand tiny shards. I live in a sort of fog, like everythings happening to someone else. It hurts at the deepest part of my being. I catch myself thinking I want to vanish, disappear into thin air, slip out of this world where empathy is scarce.
I didnt write this for nothing. Theres a point. If, even a minute before the wedding, you sense the man you chose cant keep his cool in a crisis, if hes prone to angry outbursts, if theres even the slightest chance he might raise his handwalk away, pull the plug. Just stop. Hit the brakes.
It doesnt matter how many pounds youve already sunk into it. It doesnt matter how many people will be upset, shocked or disappointed. It doesnt matter what the relatives, neighbours or friends say.
I think its far wiser to pause for a second than to become a woman who gets bruised from day one of marriagemaybe for the rest of her life.
And me? Im not looking for pity. Id just be grateful for a prayer, that I can heal, that one day Ill feel whole again, that someday I can build a real familythe kind every woman dreams of. A family where love is gentle, not terrifying. Where a hand is for support, not for a slap.
Maybe one day Ill believe in love again.
