Its all your fault! Rachels mother-in-law pressed her lips tightly as she watched her wash the dishes. In the living room, little Emily, just three years old, was coughing harshly.
If youd just kept an eye on her, if only youd noticed the cough in time, and hadnt treated her with all that useless rubbish
I was using the medicine prescribed by the paediatrician, Rachel tried to defend herself.
She shouldve been on antibiotics! Now youll be giving her injections since youre so incompetent. Your whole generation is useless! Cant do a thing right! Dont care about your own kids. When your husband was little, I
Rachel shut off the tap and hurried out of the kitchen, tears threatening to spill over. For five years now, it seemed every single problem was somehow her fault. Always daft. Always wrong. But her biggest mistake had been trusting Daniel and agreeing to move in with his parents until we get our own place.
Their own place turned out to be a muddy pit on a bit of leased land. The building never got off the ground. According to Daniel, it was all Rachels fault shed insisted on having two kids so close together, practically without his consent.
Any time Rachel brought up renting a flat, the discussion ended immediately:
Im not paying other people for nothing!
Rachel would sigh and suggest something else:
Why dont we get a little house with the government scheme? It would cover some of the cost.
What, buy a dump? Thatll get us nowhere. Better to put it all into building. Wait till summer, youll see
Summer arrived and nothing changed. Rachel hesitated to hand over her savings. And so, life went on
Dan, can you watch Emily while I collect James from nursery? she called as her husband came in, shrugging out of his wet coat.
And what if her temperature shoots up?
Its just half an hour, Dan.
Dont even ask. What if something happens?
Unmoved, Dan refused. Rachel dressed Emily in silence. It was only a mile to the nursery, not far and Emily could get some fresh air
I told you, you didnt need to take James in today. He couldve stayed home. Youre always trying to get rid of the kids, Dan grumbled as she left.
Always my fault, Rachel muttered with a bitter smile.
That evening, Rachel sat at her laptop while the children played. Dan popped his head through the door.
Working again? Whens dinner?
Rachel snapped the laptop shut.
Looking at flats again? Dan asked warily. Well get the house up soon, dont waste your time.
Rachel nodded, exhausted.
Mum, my tower wont stand up! And its your fault! Emily burst in, collapsing into sobs.
Yes, your mum wont even help you with your tower, lazybones, Dan smirked, backing up his daughter.
Rachel looked at them, realising shed finally had enough. Even her child blamed her now. No matter what, she was always at fault.
The next morning, Rachel didnt take James to nursery. Her mother-in-law watched her as she gathered the children after breakfast, but said nothing.
Were going to the clinic, Rachel mumbled, used to reporting in.
They came back late, blaming it on an appointment with the specialist. The children were giggling and whispering as Rachel hushed them.
Dad, guess where we went today? Emily cried, running to her father.
Where?
Not telling, she ducked her head under her mums sharp glance.
She wont say, James agreed sagely. Its a surprise for your birthday.
The next day Rachel disappeared with the children.
It wasnt till evening that Dan noticed. Back from work, he asked:
Mum, whats for tea?
Ask your Rachel. Shes been out with the kids since morning. Ill make you an omelette, seeing as your wife cant be bothered.
Maybe theyre still at the clinic Dan said, scratching his head. He checked their room it was clean and tidy as ever, but something was missing. The silly, giant stuffed cat that always cluttered the sofa was gone; Emily never took it anywhere. Neither had she ever taken it from the room.
Dan searched around, even checked the wardrobe, and froze: only Rachels winter coat hung sadly on a lonely hanger. All her other things and the childrens were gone.
Mum! Mum, Rachels left! Dan called out, barely believing his eyes.
Where would she go, the silly girl? his mother said, busy at the stove.
She took their things, mum, and the kids stuff too. The wardrobes empty.
With the kids? Ring her, quick his mother dropped the spatula in shock. She wiped her hands and joined him by the half-empty wardrobe, mumbling about the foolishness of daughters-in-law and how no sensible woman would ever leave a husband like Dan so Rachel mustve lost her mind from too much idleness.
Dan tried ringing but her phone was out of service.
Mum, how didnt you notice her taking the things? Thats not just one bag!
I popped to the shops Rachel really has gone mad. We must find her and get the children back.
How? To where? Youll mind the kids, will you?
Of course not. Thats what nurseries are for.
And evenings? Weekends? If theyre ill?
Find a nanny.
Do you know how much a nanny costs?
Then a care home. Just for a bit.
Dan clutched his head.
The omelette burned. It was dark outside. Dan and his mother sat in the kitchen, wondering what on earth they were going to do.
What does she want, eh? Dan whined. To just leave, without a word. Maybe shes found someone else?
As if anyone would want her.
How is she even going to live? Shes not even working.
I told you we shouldve used her benefit money for the house. Now shes taken it with her. Shell buy a hovel and just sit.
Shell be back, she cant survive. Shell last a week on toast before she comes crawling home Dan halfheartedly guessed.
And youll just take her straight back? No, you need to show her whos boss. She comes begging, make her grovel, take the kids off her she needs to know shes nothing. Cheek of it his mother ranted on.
Dan went to bed hungry. He was sure Rachel would return and apologise. He had no intention of looking for his wayward wife.
But instead of Rachel, a letter arrived. Registered post. Rachel Louise Brown had filed for divorce, it read.
Mum, it says I have to go to court, Dan told his mother.
Dont go. They cant divorce you if you dont agree. And have you even tried finding her?
No.
Well go on, then! Otherwise the neighbours will start talking. I told everyone wed sent Rachel and the kids on holiday, thisll ruin everything. People will laugh.
Shell come back by herself
Dan, if shes filed, then shes serious. Go find her. Take flowers, say sorry, even his mothers anger softened.
For what? Dan snapped.
I dont know youll figure it out.
He found Rachel by accident, walking to the shop after work with a list his mother had scribbled. There she was, strolling through the town centre with the children, not even trying to hide. Dan nearly blew his top, but he decided to follow at a distance, not wanting to create a scene.
Rachel didnt hurry. She and the children strolled through the park, drank juice, and laughed together. She seemed genuinely happy, not starving, not desperate to rush home, tail between her legs.
And Ill have to pay HER maintenance for the kids after the divorce, Dan thought, horrified.
He caught up with her by the entrance to a block of flats. He had to run to keep up.
James, Emily, how are you? Missed your dad?
The children immediately hid behind their mother. James asked quietly,
Mum, were not going to Grandmas, are we?
Of course not, darling
Youve turned my own son against me? Dan fumed. Sneaking off without a word! What was wrong? You had it easy, got everything handed to you. And now you want a divorce! Met someone else? Think youll just find another mug to look after you and your kids? Ungrateful. Ill take them from you, you know!
Rachel just smiled.
Hang on, Ill get their things for you.
W-what for?
You dont want them without their things, do you? Emily cant sleep without her cat, you know.
Youre taking the mick! You wait!
Rachel stepped back. Several neighbours had started to watch.
Go on then, lead the way to your place, Dan said through gritted teeth. Rachel just shook her head.
Well see each other in court, Dan.
You wont get a thing from me! The flat, the car, the house theyre mine. I paid for them! You get nothing!
Rachel stared at Dans twisted, angry face, finally seeing him clearly. Five years shed waited for a miracle, hoped hed change
Should I call the police? a neighbour, a woman in her forties, offered kindly.
Dan blanched at the mention of police, and slunk off. Live how you like its all your fault! he snarled as he went.
And Rachel laughed. Freely. She hugged her children, heading home. It was only a rented flat for now, but for the first time in years, she felt like the real head of her household. She chose what they ate, when they went out, when they cleaned. And Dan neednt have worried she had work. Freelancing, building websites for clients, shed studied and worked nights while the kids slept, knowing all along her patience would some day run out.
Later, thered be the divorce. Dan, as per his mothers advice, wouldnt attend court. Hearings would be rescheduled several times. Then, an official letter would inform him: the divorce was granted in his absence.
On their sons birthday, Dan wouldnt show up, saying he paid his maintenance, that was enough.
A few months later, Rachel would finally buy a small two-bedroom on the edge of town and move in with the kids.
From mutual friends, shed hear that Dan was trying to rebuild his life, but any potential new girlfriend soon ran a mile.
But at night, Rachel would sometimes still hear his mocking voice in her dreams: Its all your fault.
Yet she had learned the truth: sometimes, setting out on your own, even when its frightening, is the only way to become free and finally stop carrying the blame for someone elses unhappiness.
