I talked to my mother-in-law long ago. Back then, I was just sending my daughter to the first grade. My wife asked me who would take the child from there if I was constantly at work. And I didn’t know myself. I did not think about it somehow. But this is not a reason to leave a child without education. At first, their lessons will last only until lunchtime. They have a new curriculum. You can’t keep children longer. They get tired.
– Well, yes. The kids are not used to it yet. You have to ease them in. And there are no longer groups, I suppose?
– No.
I had no choice at the time. Therefore, when my mother-in-law offered to take care of my granddaughter, I did not object. It was her idea. She said that she would take her from school, cook lunch and look after my daughter until my return. She loves her very much. And we live close to each other. I then asked my mother-in-law several times if it would suit her. She even offered to pay money. Not much, though, because I do not live in luxury, but still… The woman agreed to help for nothing.
But there was one caveat. The fact is that Diana is not the mother-in-law’s own granddaughter. She is Olivia’s daughter from her first marriage. And the girl has been living with her mother-in-law’s son for only two years. They have no children together yet. But they are planning to.
– In general, I thought that by the time my daughter would go to the first grade, I would get pregnant for the second time. I would have just gone on maternity leave and would have time for both kids. However, it did not work out that way. It so happened that Diana is a child, indeed, unplanned. However, she was born very quickly and unexpectedly. But with the planned one, we have no luck. Doctors are still reassuring. They say that we need to wait a little longer. I, of course, am tired of waiting. But I have no other way out.
Before the beginning of the school year, the family’s days were planned hourly. The child was in kindergarten until the evening, and the parents were at work. Even work schedules were arranged so that it was more convenient to come to pick up my daughter. In the morning, her stepfather would drop her off and Olivia would pick her up. Then they went to rest, and after that the baby was at the dacha with her grandmother.
– My mother still works. And then she just took a vacation and wanted to sit with her granddaughter. We did not mind. She is a teacher herself. She also has a schedule. She teaches older children. So she could not help us with Diana. We thought about hiring a nanny. But we understand that it will hit our finances hard. And we have to live on something. It’s okay, we have been coping with it so far and now we will find something.
I have already been to the first parents’ meeting. There I was only convinced that things are bad: at first there will be only three lessons, then four. It turns out that you do not have time to bring the child to school, as you need to take it from there. And you can’t leave the child at home.
Purely theoretically, Diana has another grandmother. On her father’s side. My first mother-in-law. However, she does not care about us. Neither she nor my first husband are even interested in Diana’s fate. And I’m not even talking about alimony.
And then my mother-in-law offered to help. She recently retired. She has only a dacha. And even in winter it is of no use. So the mother-in-law decided to take care of her granddaughter. She has no relatives, so she takes Diana as her own.
– And how can I object? The woman herself wants it. And I have help. I trust her, because I know that she is a responsible and very sensitive woman. My daughter will be very well with such a grandmother. Olivia shared her joy with her husband. And he immediately questioned me. Like, why did I decide that his mother would take care of someone else’s child. I told him: she agreed to it herself. She said that at the end of the summer she would come from the dacha and take care of Diana.
The man just looked at me with a sideways glance. I could not understand what was wrong.
At first he said that I had put his mother up to it. Then he shouted that we were deciding something behind his back without his knowledge. He did not like that. I think that this is not the situation when you need to ask a man’s opinion. I do not even understand what the problem is. Doesn’t his mother have the right to her own opinion? She was so happy to agree to look after Diana…
And yesterday my husband told me that he forbids my mother to help me. He says that my mother-in-law is not a young woman anymore. And her health is not good. And she can help only in extreme cases. He will not allow to use his mother. It is not her job to cook lunches every day and take care of the child. She has already done her share when she was raising him. Now it’s my turn. My mother-in-law retired and this is her rightful rest. It will be hard for her with the child. But she is proud of him, so she will never admit it. Let the mother sit in the country and mind her own business. Why should she break out of there because of a child who is nobody to her.
– Your daughter has her own grandmother and father too. So let them help her. Solve this problem yourself – this morning the man put an end to our conversation.
Olivia knows very well that no one from her ex-boyfriend’s family will do it. They do not even remember about her existence. But why her own husband decided on such a principle, that is what interests the girl the most. Everything is fine in their marriage, but as soon as it comes to Diana, the man just goes crazy. So Diana has only a mother, and her stepfather, unfortunately, will not replace her father.
However, the issue with school is still relevant. Is it such a big burden for a mother-in-law to look after her granddaughter? This is not a baby, but an adult girl. Diana in Olivia is well-mannered and obedient. There will be no problems with her. All that is needed is to pick her up from school, feed her and sit until Olivia returns. Nothing more.
The mother-in-law is still in favor of helping her daughter-in-law. The only obstacle is Olivia’s husband. He demands that his wife find an alternative. He, of course, is not going to help, because it is not his child, and therefore it is not his place to solve these problems.
What do you think makes a man dissuade his mother from helping his daughter-in-law?
What advice would you give Olivia?
