It Took Me Fifteen Years to Realise My Marriage Was Like That January Gym Membership — Full of Good Intentions at First, Then Empty for the Rest of the Year

Author Walton MerrittReading 5 minViews 1

It took me fifteen years to realise my marriage was rather like one of those New Year gym membershipsbrimming with good intentions in January, yet sitting unused for the rest of the year.

It all began on one thoroughly ordinary Tuesday. I came home from the office to find him sprawled on the sofa, hand deep in a bag of crisps, watching that zombie show for at least the third time.

Whats for dinner? he asked, his eyes glued to the screen.

Something inside me snappedalmost like resetting a clock to its original settings.

Ive no idea, darling. What is for dinner? I set my handbag down.

He looked at me as if Id started speaking in riddles.

What do you mean you dont know? You always cook.

Oh, I see. How fascinating. Well, Ill see you laterIm off for supper with the girls.

His face was poetry. In fact, more like a limerickbrief, but full of feeling.

That evening, I enjoyed grilled cod, sipped white wine, and laughed until my sides ached. I returned home around eleven. Hed ordered pizza; the children were ecstatic.

Mum, why dont we have dinner like this more often? the younger one asked, ketchup smudged across his nose.

The next week, I took things up a notch. Quite literally.

Im off to Cornwall this Friday, I announced over breakfast.

He nearly choked on his tea.

Cornwall? But what about the children?

Theyre with you. You are their father, after all. I have faith in you.

But Ive got meetings! Important work!

I looked him squarely in the eyes.

How extraordinary. I too have had important work for the last fifteen years. Managed it somehow. Im quite certain you, with that brilliant mind youre always mentioning, will cope splendidly.

So, off I went. Admittedly, I was with my cousin, but thats beside the point.

On day one, I got seventeen messages:

Wheres the PE kit?
How do you work the washing machine?
Do you boil pasta in hot or cold water?
Can the kids have cereal for dinner?

I replied to just one:
Google is your friend.

By the third day, his messages had changed their tune:

The kids want chicken nuggets again.
Do they always get this much homework?
Why are there so many parents evenings?

I didnt answer. I was too busy, sipping iced tea by the sea and reading a book, uninterrupted.

When I finally came home, the house looked like the aftermath of a hurricane. There were socks stuck to the ceilingIve still no idea how they got up therethe dog was wearing a sock like a little cap, and my daughter had painted her bedroom purple with my lipsticks.

There he was, curled up on the sofa, looking thoroughly defeated.

Youre back, he croaked. Thank heaven.

How was it? I asked, glowing with sun and tranquility.

I dont know how youhow do you do it all, day in and day out? Itsinhuman.

Almost like having a full-time job, isnt it?

He said nothing. The zombies groaned on the television. So did he.

Im sorry, he whispered at last. Really, I am.

Since then, things have changed. Hes learnt to cook three proper meals. Welltwo and a half, since the spaghetti still comes out a touch al dente some days. He knows where the washing machine lives, how to face the ordeal of parents evenings, and that the question Whats for dinner? is only valid if hes the one preparing it.

I now take trips away every three months. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. Never with guilt.

Last week, my neighbour asked, eyes wide as saucers:

Do you really leave the children with your husband, and justgo?

Thats right, I confirmed. Hes their father, not the babysitter.

Butbut what if something goes wrong?

Hell learn. Just as I did, when he left me alone with it all while trotting off to those important meetings that somehow ended in the pub.

She fell silent, deep in thought. A month later, I spotted her at the airportshe was off to Rome.

Turns out, karma isnt always out for revenge. Sometimes its a patient teacher, giving you lessons you should have learnt long ago. And if you wont take the hint, it signs you up for a crash course in reality.

Now, he boasts to his mates that he can plait our daughters hair. Truth be told, they look more like sailors knots than French braids, but its the effort that counts.

Last night he asked me,

Any trips planned? Justso I can mentally prepare.

Im thinking of Portugal for my birthday.

He sighed, resigned.

How many days this time?

Ten.

Right. I know where the first aid kit is now.

I kissed him on the forehead, the way you send off a brave child for a jab.

Am I the only one who thinks there ought to be a mandatory course called Household Survival 101 before marriage, or are there others like me out there?

“That’s Just Perfect…” Whispered Lydia. She loved having her morning coffee in silence, while Jack still slept and the first light crept through the window. In those moments, she felt everything was just right. Solid job. Cozy flat. Reliable husband. What more could happiness require? She had no envy for her friends, who grumbled about jealous partners and rows over nothing. Jack never questioned or made scenes. He never checked her phone, never interrogated her every move. He was simply there—and that was enough. “Lyd, have you seen my garage keys?” Jack shuffled into the kitchen, tousle-haired from sleep. “On the shelf by the door. Helping the neighbour again?” “Mike’s asked me to check his car. Something about the carburettor.” She nodded, pouring his coffee. It was so familiar. Jack was always lending a hand—to colleagues moving house, old friends with repairs, neighbours with whatever. “My knight,” she’d sometimes think fondly. A man who couldn’t walk past someone else’s trouble. It’s what had charmed her on their very first date, when he’d stopped to help a stranger carry her shopping upstairs. Another man would’ve walked by. Not Jack. Three months ago a new neighbour, Olivia, moved into the flat below. At first, Lydia hadn’t noticed her—people came and went in blocks like this. But Olivia was one of those women impossible to overlook. Loud laughter in the stairwell. Clacking heels at all hours. That booming voice on the phone so the whole building could hear. “Can you imagine? He brought me groceries today—without me even asking!” Olivia’s voice echoed through the landing. Lydia bumped into her by the letterboxes and offered a polite smile. Olivia beamed—sparkled, really—with that special, radiant glow of a woman newly infatuated. “New boyfriend?” Lydia asked, just to be civil. “Not exactly new,” Olivia smirked. “But very attentive. Solves every problem, you know? Tap leaking—fixed. Socket sparking—sorted. He even helps me pay my bills!” “How lucky you are.” “More than lucky! Sure, he’s married, but that’s just a ring, isn’t it? What matters is how he feels when he’s with me.” Lydia went upstairs, unsettled—not by someone else’s morals, but something had scraped raw inside, and she couldn’t name it. The encounters went on, week after week; Olivia almost seemed to lay in wait, ready to burst with new tales of devotion. “He’s so considerate! Always asks how I feel. If I need anything…” “Last night, he even brought me medicine in the middle of the night!” “He always says, the most important thing is feeling needed. That’s his whole meaning in life—to help…” That line made Lydia bristle. “Feeling needed is his meaning in life.” Jack had said those exact words. She remembered him explaining delays on their anniversary—he’d been helping a friend’s mother with her garden, said he couldn’t do otherwise. Coincidence. Just coincidence. There must be plenty of men with hero complexes. But the details piled up. The unsolicited groceries. The handy repairs—Jack’s very own ways. She pushed the thoughts aside. Paranoia. You can’t suspect your husband because of a neighbour’s chatter. Then Jack began to change—not suddenly, but gradually. He started “popping out for a moment” and vanishing for hours. Even took his phone into the bathroom. Snapped back with irritation at her simplest questions. “Where are you going?” “Out.” “Where?” “Lydia, what’s with the third degree?” Yet he seemed… happy. Quietly fulfilled, as if finally getting the dose of being needed he missed at home. One evening, he got ready to leave again. “Got to help a mate with paperwork.” “At nine o’clock at night?” “When else? He works days.” She didn’t argue. Watched from the window as he failed to emerge from the building. She slipped on her coat, calm, unhurried, and made her way to the familiar door downstairs. Her finger pressed the bell. Lydia had no script—no rehearsed accusations. Just pressed and waited. The door flew open like she’d been expected. Olivia stood there in a short silk robe, wineglass in hand. Her smile slipped when she saw who it was. And behind her, in the glowing hallway, stood Jack. Bare-chested, hair wet from the shower, moving about with the ease of someone at home. Their eyes met. Jack jolted, opened his mouth—then froze. Olivia flicked her gaze between them and offered only a bored, indifferent shrug. Lydia turned and walked upstairs. Behind her came the scurry of steps, Jack’s urgent voice: “Lydia, wait, I can explain…” But she didn’t let him in that night. …The next morning, his mother, Mrs. Grant, turned up. Lydia wasn’t surprised. Of course Jack had called his mum to share his version. “Lydia, why be so childish?” Mrs. Grant settled in the kitchen. “Men are just boys who want to feel heroic. That neighbour simply needed help. Jack couldn’t say no.” “He couldn’t say no to her bed, is that it?” Mrs. Grant winced, as if Lydia had been vulgar. “Don’t twist things. Jack’s a good soul. He pities people. That’s no crime. So he got carried away. It happens. My late husband too…” She waved her hand. “What matters is the family. You’ll work it out—you’re sensible, Lydia. Don’t ruin lives over nothing.” Lydia looked at her and saw everything she was afraid to become. Convenient. Patient. Willing to ignore anything for the sake of keeping up appearances. “Thank you, Mrs. Grant, but I need to be alone.” Her mother-in-law left in a huff, muttering about “young people who won’t forgive”. Jack slunk home that evening, wide-eyed and guilty, hoping to take her hand. “Lydia, it’s not what you think. She asked me to fix her tap, then we talked, she’s just so lonely and sad…” “You weren’t wearing any clothes.” “I… spilled water when I was fixing the tap. She lent me a shirt, and then you turned up…” Lydia marvelled that she’d never noticed before how bad Jack was at lying. Every word rang false. “Even if… suppose… even if something happened, it meant nothing! I love you. She’s just—well, just an adventure. A silly mistake. You’re what matters.” He tried to put his arms round her. “Let’s forget it, yeah? I promise I’ll stop. Honestly, she’s beginning to do my head in—always wants something, always needy…” That’s when Lydia finally saw: this wasn’t remorse. It was fear—fear of losing his comfort, of being stuck with someone truly needy, not someone who let him play the hero to schedule. “I’m filing for divorce,” she said, casually, as if announcing she’d switched off the iron. “What? Lydia, you’re mad! One mistake?” She rose, packed her bag, gathered her documents. …The divorce finalised two months later. Jack moved in with Olivia, who welcomed him with open arms—at first. Her embraces soon gave way to endless lists: fix this, buy that, pay those. Lydia heard occasional titbits via mutual friends. Nodded, without any malice. Everyone gets what they sign up for. She rented a small flat on the far side of the city. Every morning, she drank coffee in peace. No one asked about garage keys. No one popped out “for a sec” and returned smelling of someone else’s perfume. No one ever begged her to be more patient—more accommodating. She’d expected pain—loneliness, regret. But what came was something else: lightness. As though she’d taken off a coat she’d worn for years, never noticing how heavy it had grown. For the first time, Lydia belonged only to herself. And that was better than any “stability”…

“I’m Done Playing Mum to Your Son!” Declared the Daughter-in-Law as She Left for a Seaside Holiday Valentina Andrews had a son—hardworking and decent, but married to a rather peculiar woman. His wife refused to cook, clean, or help out around the house, and recently she’d become downright unpredictable. Just yesterday, she threw another dramatic tantrum. “Kieran,” she snapped at her husband, “I can’t do this anymore! You’re a grown man, but act like a child!” Kieran was bewildered; he hadn’t asked for much—just for Marina to fetch his socks, iron his shirt, and remind him about his doctor’s note. “Mum always helped me,” he muttered. “Then off you go to your mother!” Marina exploded. The next day, she packed her suitcase. “I’m off to Brighton for a month. Maybe more.” “How can it be more?” Kieran gaped. “Because I’m tired of babysitting a grown man,” Marina replied, calm but resolute. Kieran tried to protest, but Marina ignored him. She rang his mother: “Valentina Andrews? It’s Marina. If he can’t survive without a nanny, come stay with us. Spare key’s under the mat.” And with that, she was gone. Kieran sat alone in the flat, not knowing what to do. The fridge was empty, his socks were dirty, and the sink overflowed with dishes. After a few days, he phoned his mum: “Mum, Marina’s gone mad! She’s run off and left me! What am I supposed to do now?” Valentina Andrews sighed. Problems with the daughter-in-law again. “I’ll be there soon, Kieran. We’ll sort it.” She arrived with a bag of groceries and her familiar motherly determination to fix everything. But when she opened the door, gasped at the chaos: clothes piled high, the kitchen a disaster, the bathroom full of dirty laundry. And it hit her—her thirty-year-old son really had no idea how to live. She’d always done everything for him, and had, without knowing, created a fully grown child. “Mum,” whined Kieran, “what’s for dinner? Where are my shirts? When’s Marina coming back?” Valentina silently started tidying, but one thought kept swirling: What have I done? She’d protected her son from everything—chores, obstacles, real life. Now, without women, he was utterly lost. Marina? She’d simply escaped from this big, helpless child. And who could blame her? For three days, Valentina lived with her son and every day understood more—she’d raised a man-child. Kieran woke up every morning and started complaining: “Mum, what’s for breakfast? Where’s my shirt? Any clean socks?” Valentina cooked, ironed, cleaned, and observed. A thirty-year-old man not knowing how to use a washing machine, what bread costs, or how to brew a cup of tea—hopelessly burning himself with hot water and spilling sugar everywhere. “Mum,” Kieran sighed, “Marina’s gone completely wild! She used to pretend she loved me. Now she’s like a stranger!” “How do you behave with her?” Valentina asked carefully. “Just normal! I don’t expect anything special. I just want my wife to act like a wife, not a grumpy old aunt!” Valentina looked at her son, horrified. He genuinely didn’t understand. “Kieran, do you ever help Marina?” “How do you mean?” he replied, genuinely puzzled. “I work! I bring money home! Isn’t that enough?” “What about at home?” “Home? I’m tired after work—I should relax. But she keeps nagging! Wants me to do the washing up, go shopping… but those are women’s chores!” Then Valentina heard herself—the phrases she’d repeated since he was little: “Kieran, don’t touch—that’s Mum’s job!” “Don’t go shopping—I’ll run out quicker!” “You’re a man; you have more important things to do!” She’d created a monster. The more she watched, the more stunned she became. Kieran would return home, collapse onto the sofa, expect dinner, news updates, entertainment. If nothing appeared, he sulked: “Mum, when’s dinner? I’m starving!” Just like a child. Worst of all were his comments about Marina. “She’s so irritable lately,” he complained. “Always angry. Maybe she should see a doctor? Get her hormones checked?” “Or maybe she’s just exhausted?” Valentina ventured. “Exhausted from what? We both work. Anyway, running the home is a woman’s job.” “Is it?! Who told you that?” Valentina snapped. Kieran was taken aback; his mother had never yelled at him. On the fourth night, she couldn’t take anymore. Kieran sat on the sofa, phone in hand, sighing now and then, bored without his wife. The kitchen was a mess, socks were strewn on the floor, the bed unmade. “Mum?” he whined, “what’s for dinner?” Valentina was at the stove, making borscht, as she had for thirty years. And suddenly—enough was enough. “Kieran,” she said, turning off the gas, “we need to talk.” “I’m listening,” he replied, without looking up. “Put down your phone and look at me.” Something in her voice made him obey. “Son,” Valentina began quietly, “do you understand why Marina left you?” “She’s just, what’s it called, emotional. Women get like that. She’ll come back after she cools off.” “She won’t come back.” “What do you mean, she won’t come back?!” “She’s tired of being a mother to a grown child.” Kieran jumped up: “Mum! Come on, a child? I work, I bring home money!” “And? What about at home? Are your arms broken? Are your eyes blind?” Kieran paled. “How can you say that? I’m your son!” “That’s exactly why I’m saying it!” Valentina sat down, her hands trembling. “Mum, are you sick?” Kieran asked in alarm. “Sick!” she laughed bitterly. “Sick with love. Blind mother’s love. I thought I was protecting you—but really, I raised an egotist! A thirty-year-old man who is useless without a woman, who thinks the world owes him!” “But…” “No buts!” Valentina interrupted. “You really think Marina should be your second mum—washing, cooking, cleaning up after you? Why?” “I work.” “So does she! And she manages the household too. What do you do? Lie on the sofa and wait to be served!” Kieran’s eyes grew teary. “Mum, but everyone lives like this.” “Not everyone!” Valentina shouted. “Real men help their wives—washing up, cooking, raising kids! But you? You don’t even know where the washing powder is kept!” Kieran sat there, face buried in his hands. “Marina’s right,” Valentina said quietly. “She’s tired of being your mum. And so am I.” “Tired? What do you mean?” “I mean I’m leaving.” Valentina grabbed her bag. “You’re staying here, alone. Try to finally become an adult.” “Mum! Wait! I can’t be alone! Who’ll cook and clean?” “You will!” She barked. “You will—just like any normal, grown adult!” “But I don’t know how!” “You’ll learn! Or you’ll be a lonely, pathetic man-child forever!” Valentina put on her coat. “Mum, don’t go!” Kieran pleaded. “What am I supposed to do on my own?” “What you should have learned to do twenty years ago,” she replied. “Live independently.” She left. Kieran was alone, in a dirty flat, truly by himself for the first time. Alone with reality. He sat on the sofa until midnight. His stomach rumbled, dishes stank, socks littered the floor. “Oh, bloody hell,” he muttered—and for the first time in thirty years, washed the dishes himself. He botched it—plates slipped, his hands stung from the soap. But he did it. He tried to fry eggs; burned them the first go. Second try—edible. And by morning, he realised: Mum was right. A week passed. Every day, Kieran learned to live for himself—laundry, cleaning, shopping, handling money, planning his time. Turns out, it was hard work. And finally, he realised what Marina put up with. He called her on Saturday. “Hi, Marina?” Her voice was cold. “You’re right,” Kieran said. “I acted like a big kid.” She was silent. “I’ve lived alone for a week now… I understand how hard it was for you. I’m sorry.” Long silence. “You know,” Marina said at last, “your mum rang me yesterday too. Asked my forgiveness—for raising you wrong.” A month later, Marina came home. She returned to a clean flat. Her husband had cooked dinner and greeted her with flowers. “Welcome home,” he said. Valentina Andrews called once a week—asked how they were, but never invited herself over. And one evening, while Kieran did the dishes and Marina made tea, she said: “You know, I like this new life.” “Me too,” he answered, drying his hands with a towel. “Shame it took so long to get here.” “At least we got here,” Marina smiled. And that was the truth.