If you are reading this article, then most likely you are worried about the situation where your spouse has lost his job or is trying to find it and so far without result. You are worried because it seems that now you are working for two, and the forces are not infinite. Or you are annoyed that your husband still can not solve this situation, although he is clearly trying.
Maybe you are tired both physically and mentally from his unemployment. You do not have enough time for yourself, for rest. It seems that there is no way out? Let’s not panic, but analyze the reason in more detail. What to do in this situation?
1. Try to look at the situation soberly
What is really happening? For example, not much time has passed since the moment when your husband lost his job, he is trying, doing everything possible to correct the situation. Maybe you just lacked a drop of patience? After all, soon he will work again.
Or vice versa. He pretends that he is looking for at least some options. He has done one or two useful things during the whole day lying on the couch and only makes excuses that there are no good vacancies now. Maybe he is not trying to look for them?
If I were you, I would start talking about my worries. About the feelings you have when you are used. And do not forget to discuss the redistribution of responsibilities in the family (Who works? Who takes care of the house?).
2. Do not use accusations in your wording
After all, accusations are the most common mistake in resolving family conflict situations. Of course, we are all human, we accumulate emotions that are sometimes difficult to hold, let alone express in a healthy way.
When a person hears accusations in their direction, it provokes them to defend themselves. Accordingly, he can also aggressively respond to you, and this is the key to a painful quarrel, you will begin to insult each other, remembering the conflicts of the past. You will not be heard again, and in order to reach a person, you should address them on your own behalf. For example:
– I am so tired at work. I need your support and support so much. And when I do not feel it, I get very angry with you. I don’t want to talk to you and see you. I’m afraid that because of this we can part. And I would not want that! Let’s think about how to solve this situation together!
When you express your feelings to your partner, there is a high probability that he will hear you and meet you halfway.
But if a person continues to ignore you, then you should think about whether you need such a partner? What will a relationship with such a person give you?
3. Do not demand from a man and do not do everything for him
The more you demand from a man, the more resistance he shows. In any case, by demanding you will not be able to feel care from a man and what he is ready to invest for the development of your relationship.
You are not a mother for your man. If you start looking for a job for him, he will have additional rights. “You need it, you look for it!”, – will come to you in response. You take the responsibility to look for a new job for him, and then the next, and so on.
4. Support and mutual understanding
Job loss is often experienced by a man as a crisis. His self-esteem may decrease because of this event. It is important for him to be supported at home and believe that he can do everything! It is important for a man that he can share his fears, uncertainty, grief with someone. Men who achieve goals faster have wives who are always ready to support and never judge him.
5. Comparing with someone is taboo
You should not set a man as an example of a successful lover of a friend. After all, this undermines his own dignity and increases the feeling of worthlessness and abandonment. Try to broadcast faith in him. For example:
– I know for sure that we will cope with everything! Now is not the best time, but I still love you. I believe in you. Let’s think about how we can find you a job as soon as possible. How can I help you?
6. Communicate your desires to your partner
This is important. This way you communicate openly and the accumulated tension disappears. For example, you can discuss your desire to have more rest in the evening:
– “Honey, I get very tired at work, and then I have to clean the house and do homework with the kids. Could you help me with that? I would be very grateful. Is it possible you could find a job so we could hire a cleaner? What are your options?
7. Talk about redistributing responsibilities
8. Share with him the tricks that helped you find your job
Ask your husband what kind of help he needs. Maybe he needs help writing a good resume. Tell him how employment services are organized (retraining courses, stock exchange, employment centers).
9. Talk about his strengths.
You once fell in love with him, what attracted you in a man? Maybe these qualities can suggest in which direction he should move, what kind of job to look for? Nothing is as supportive as the faith of a loved one.
10. If the process is delayed, what next?
Try to contact a psychologist. A specialist will help a man get rid of the blocks that prevent him from moving forward. You can do the same. This will help you get support and see the situation with different eyes. It will help you get rid of the obsessive desire to be responsible for everything.
Perhaps your family would benefit from family therapy to calmly sort things out in the presence of a third party. You will be able to discuss options for resolving this situation.
11. Discuss successes and failures. Make a plan for further actions
Arrange a brainstorming game for yourself and your husband, discuss with your husband what he would like to do, what to do. What other non-standard job search options are there? Remember successful interviews, what exactly led to success.
We have gone through the basic recommendations on what to do when a man is looking for a job.
But there are exceptions. It is not a fact that your husband benefits from such a position. You pull everything on yourself, he is not ready to take on some of the responsibilities, let alone the responsibility for your family. Everything suits him.
Do not forget that you always have a choice: to accept everything as it is, or to declare that you do not want such a relationship in the future. In this case, additional questions arise. What kind of relationship do I want? What is in my power to establish such a relationship and in what I am powerless? How do I understand that I am a valuable, important and beloved woman? What is enough for me and what is missing in a relationship?
Your variants of questions?
