I’m only 49, but my younger sister thinks I’ve got no life of my own and should be her free babysitter for her ten-year-old son. I adore little Alfie—he’s the best nephew anyone could ask for—but I’m not willing to give up my own time to look after him constantly. This all started a few years ago, and since then, it’s only gotten worse.
**How it all began**
My sister, Emma, is seven years younger than me. She’s always been a bit spoiled—the baby of the family, everyone coddled her. When she had Alfie, I was over the moon to be an aunt. He’s a brilliant kid: clever, funny, and great company. I used to take him on weekends, bake him cakes, and take him to the park. But over time, Emma started taking my help for granted.
After her divorce, she was left raising Alfie alone. She works long hours, stays late, and sometimes travels for work. I get that it’s tough, so I’ve always tried to help—picking him up from school, helping with homework, babysitting. But lately, she’s started acting like it’s my *duty*. “You’re free, no husband or kids of your own, so why not?” she once said. I was gobsmacked. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I don’t have a life!
**My life at 49**
I’m 49, I work as an accountant at a small firm, and I’ve got my own hobbies—yoga, nights out with my girlfriends, painting classes. I’ve been saving for two years to go to Italy, see Rome and Florence. But Emma acts like all my time should belong to Alfie. “You’re his aunt, it’s your job,” she says. And if I push back? “It’s not like you’re doing anything important.”
Recently, it got ridiculous. Emma wanted Alfie in an after-school English club, but it was in the evening, and she needed someone to fetch him. She expected me to drop everything and drive halfway across town. I said no—I had yoga, plans—and she got huffy. “So your hobbies matter more than family? Alfie means nothing to you?” That *hurt*. Of course I love him, but why should I have to sacrifice everything for him?
**The nephew I love**
Don’t get me wrong—Alfie’s lovely. He tells me about his video games, shares school gossip, and we laugh over cartoons together. But I’m *not* his mum. I haven’t got the energy—or the desire—to be a full-time babysitter. Worse, Emma keeps dumping *her* responsibilities on me. Like when she asked me to lecture Alfie about his bad grades because “he listens to you more.” I did it, but that’s *her* job, not mine!
I’ve tried talking to her. Said I’ll help—but within reason. Suggested hiring a babysitter or even asking her ex’s parents (they live nearby). But Emma just waves it off. “Babysitters cost money, and you’re fine at it.” Feels like she’s using me because it’s easy and free.
**How do I fix this?**
I’m stuck. I don’t want a row with Emma, and I *definitely* don’t want Alfie thinking I don’t care. But I’m exhausted being the “on-call aunt.” I want to live my life, do my own thing, without feeling guilty for not jumping every time she snaps her fingers. Maybe I’ve been too soft—should I put my foot down?
If you’ve been in this mess, tell me how you handled it. How do you say “no” to family without wrecking the relationship? Or am I just being selfish? Honestly, I could use some outside perspective…
