I’m 89 Years Old. They Tried to Scam Me over the Phone—But I Used to Be an Engineer.

I’m 89 years old. Someone just tried to scam me on the phone. But they didn’t know I used to be an engineer.

Its a regular Tuesday morning and Im enjoying a cup of peppermint tea while working through a sudoku puzzle. Im 93 years old now, and my mind is still as sharp as it was back in the 60s when I was programming and designing systems.

The phone rings.

Mrs. Winthrop? comes a slick voice from the other end. Were calling regarding some irregularities with your account. Theres been some suspicious activity.

Ah, yes.
Another one.

Oh dear, how alarming, I say, putting on my best quavering old lady voice. What should I do, young man?

We just need you to confirm your bank card number for us.

Of course, of course let me just find my glasses I pause for a moment. Actually, why dont you read out the last four digits you have, and Ill confirm if theyre right? Just so I know youre genuine.

Theres an awkward silence.

Thats not how this works, maam. We need the entire number.

I see, I sigh. Just one thing does the line youre calling from use standard VoIP protocol, or do you have end-to-end encryption?

Another pause.

Maam, you just need to

The reason I ask, I continue smoothly, is that while were speaking, Ive already traced your IP address. Interesting seems youre calling from an internet café. For forty years, I designed security systems. Im a systems engineer, you know. You pick up a few things.

Er maam

And another curious thing, I say, Ive just activated a script on my line. Right now, its pulling data from your device. Would you like me to read out your contacts list, or should I send it straight to the authorities?

I hear him swallow hard.

Thats illegal

Illegal? I laugh. Son, I was writing code when your grandmother was still in nappies. By the way, Im recording this entire conversationwith metadata. And do you know the best part? I can see your screen. Hello there, David. Nice profile photo. Does your mother know what youre up to?

Click.

He hangs up.

I laugh so hard I nearly spill my tea. Then I ring my grandsonthe one who always jokes that I dont understand technology.

Charlie, I say as he answers, Ive just outsmarted a scammer who tried to nick my money. Still think I dont know anything about the internet?I hear him gasp. Gran! You didnt! Wait, did you really

I let the silence hang, then whisper conspiratorially, Lets just say I still remember a few tricks.

He laughs, pride sparkling through his voice. Youre the coolest gran ever.

Well, darling, never let anyone tell you youre too old to outsmart the world, I say, grinning into my tea.

Outside, the birds resume their singing, and I settle back in my chair, my puzzle untouched, the day just beginning. Ninety-three and still giving them hell.

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I’m 89 Years Old. They Tried to Scam Me over the Phone—But I Used to Be an Engineer.