I’m fifty years old, and about a year ago, my wife walked out with the children. She left while I was out, and when I got back, the house was empty.
A few weeks ago, I got the letter: the request for child support. Since then, the money comes straight out of my wages. I have no say in it. There’s no room to bargain or delay. The payment just leaves my account automatically.
I’m not going to pretend I’m innocent. I cheated. More than once. I never exactly hid it, but I never came clean, either. She used to say she could see through me, that she knew what was happening, and I always insisted she was being paranoid or making things up.
I had a dreadful temper, too. Id shout and fly off the handle easily. Everything at home was dictated by my rules, my timing. If I didnt like something, everyone knew by my tone. Sometimes Id throw thingsnot at anyone, but to scare or make a point. I never raised a hand to them, but I frightened them all too often.
It dawned on me too late that my children were afraid of me. When I got in from work, theyd go silent. If I raised my voice, theyd slip away to their rooms. My wife would tiptoe around, weighing every word, avoiding confrontation. Back then, I convinced myself it was respect. Now I realise it was fear.
At the time, I didn’t care. I thought I was the provider, the one in charge, setting the rules, making everything work.
When she decided to leave, I felt betrayedlike she was defying me. I made another mistake: I resolved not to give her any money. Not because I couldnt afford it, but because I wanted to punish her.
I convinced myself shed come back when times got tough, when she realised she couldn’t manage without me. I told her if she wanted any help, shed have to come home. I wouldnt support anyone who didnt live under my roof.
But she didnt come back. She went straight to a solicitor and organised everythingher income, her expenses, the proof. Far quicker than Id imagined, a judge arranged for the payments to be automatically deducted.
Now, every payday, I see my earnings trimmed down. Theres no hiding. No dodging. The moneys gone before I even see it.
Today, I have no wife. My children dont live with me. I see them occasionally, and they keep their distance. They dont say much. I know Im not wanted.
Moneys tighter than its ever been. Im paying rent, child maintenance, debtsand whats left barely gets me by. Sometimes I get angry about it, and other times, I just feel ashamed.
My sister told me, its nobodys fault but my own.












