Ill never be able to be your mother or truly love you, but I will care for youand you mustnt hold it against me. Here with us, itll be better than a childrens home, no matter what.
The day had been unbearably heavy. John buried his sisteryes, the wayward one, but still his flesh and blood. They hadnt spoken in five years, and now she was gone.
Kate did everything she could to support her husband, quietly taking on as much of the burden as she could manage.
But after the funeral, another matter loomed with equal weight. Irene, Johns sister, had left behind a small boy. And the relativesgathered, sombresomehow passed all responsibility onto John, the youngest of the family.
Who else but uncle John should look after the lad? There was no debate; it simply was the only option.
Kate understood, and she didnt objectnot completely. But there was one thing. She never, ever wanted children. Not her own, and especially not someone elses.
Shed decided this years before. Shed told John honestly before their wedding, and he had brushed it aside. Who thinks seriously about children in their early twenties? No kids, theyd agreed back then, lets live for ourselves. That was a decade ago.
And now, she was faced with bringing a strangers child into their home. There was no alternative. John would never put his nephew in a childrens home, and Kate couldnt bear the idea either.
She knew shed never love this boy, let alone replace his mother. He was wise beyond his years, sharp-eyed and clever, and Kate decided to be honest with him.
William, where would you rather livewith us, or at the childrens home?
I want to live at home, alone.
But thats not allowed, William. Youre only seven. So you have to choose.
Then Ill live with Uncle John.
Alright, youll come with us, but I must say something. I wont ever become your mother, and I know I wont be able to love you. Still, Ill care for you, and you mustnt be upset. Itll be better here than in a home.
After signing the necessary papers, they finally returned to their house.
Kate thought, after that conversation, she no longer needed to pretendno kindly aunt charade. Shed feed him, wash his clothes, help with schoolworkthat was all fine. But she wouldnt give her soul; that was out of reach.
And young William didnt forget for a moment that he wasnt wanted, and that to avoid being sent away, he needed to behavereally behave.
Once home, John suggested William should have the smallest room. But it needed a transformation before the boy could settle there.
Wallpaper, furniture, decorationsthis was Kates element. She delighted in making the space perfect.
William chose the wallpaperbright blue, with tiny golden starsand Kate managed the rest. She spared no expense; that wasnt the point. She simply didnt love children, but the room turned out beautiful.
William was over the moon! If only his mum could see it, he thought. If only Kate could love him. She was good and kind, just not towards children.
He thought about it often before sleep.
William found joy in everything. A trip to the circus, the zoo, the amusement parkhe expressed his delight so sincerely that Kate herself started enjoying these outings. She reveled in surprising him, watching his amazed reactions.
In August, John and Kate had planned a seaside holiday. William was to stay with their close cousin for ten days.
But at the last minute, Kate changed everything. She desperately wanted William to see the sea. John was surprised, but somewhere inside, he was thrilled. Hed grown deeply fond of the boy.
William was almost happyif only there were love. But hed see the sea; that was enough.
The holiday was a triumph. The water was warm, the fruit sweet, and the mood bright. Soon, though, it was back to routinework, home, school. Yet something in their little world had shifted, some new sparka whiff of hope, a whisper of a miracle.
And then a miracle did come. Kate returned from the coast pregnant. How had it happened, after so many careful, childless years?
She didnt know what to do. Tell John? Or sort it herself? Since William, she wasn’t sure John was still steadfastly child-free. He adored the boy, played with him, even took him to football matches.
No, Kate could handle one child, but she wasnt ready for another. She carried that decision herself.
She was sitting in the clinic when the call came from school. William had been rushed to the hospital, suspected appendicitis. Everything else could wait.
She dashed into A&E. William lay on a stretcher, pale, shivering. As soon as he saw Kate, tears poured down his face.
Kate, please, dont leave. Im scared. Be my mum tonight. Please, just for one day. I wont ever ask again.
He clung to her hand, sobbing, spiraling into a real panic. Kate had only ever seen him cry at the funeral.
And now his grief burst out.
Kate pressed his hand to her cheek.
Hold on, my boy. The doctor will be here soon. Im right here, and Im not leaving.
Dear God, how she loved him now. This boy with sparkling eyesthe most important part of her life.
Child-free? What nonsense. Tonight, shed tell Johnabout the baby. She knew it, as William, trembling with pain, squeezed her hand tighter.
A decade slipped by.
Kates nearly reached her milestoneher 45th birthday. There would be guests and toasts. For now, she sat with her coffee, swept with memories.
How quickly time passes. Youth fades, and she became a woman: a loving wife, a mother of two wonderful children. William was nearly eighteen now, and Sophie ten. She regretted nothing.
Well, except one thing. Those cold wordsabout not loving him. How she wished William didnt remember, hadnt heard them, never would.
After that night in hospital, she tried to repeat her love to him as often as she could. Whether he remembered her first, awkward confession, she never dared ask.












