We all have relatives. When there are many, its inevitable that among them youll find a few quite well-off sorts, the sort who are usually eyed with suspicion or jealousy by the rest of the family. Still, these affluent relatives always seem to appear on the guest list for special occasionsnobody wants to miss out on the chance for an expensive present. My own family is no different. Theres one story that stays with me, from a wedding I attended five years ago. The grandson of my third cousin was getting married. Invited were these well-heeled relatives from the brides side, distant connections if ever there were any.
Its the usual calculation: Lets invite the richer lot; perhaps well be showered with lavish gifts. Never more so than when its a wedding! The day was in full swing, the house bursting with guests, and the newlyweds glowing with smiles. The wealthy couplealways making a late entranceshowed up just at the moment when gifts were being handed around.
The woman seated beside me leaned in, calm as you like: Just wait and see what happens now. I daresay the grooms mother is bound to be disappointed with whatever they bring, and the young couple wont be any happier.
I stared at her, puzzled: Why do you say that? Surely the gift itself isnt the most important thing?
Then, as the time came, the wealthy relatives stepped forward to give their present to the bride and groom. Rather than hand it over directly, they passed an envelope to the master of ceremonies. He opened it, and suddenly an expectant hush settled over the room. I was itching to seewas it the keys to a flat? A fancy car? Tickets for an overseas trip, or simply a hefty sum of money? The host whispered to me what the envelope contained. The grooms mother counted the notes in a flash, then eyed the rich relatives with thinly veiled disbelief.
Thats it? she blurted, unable to hide her scorn. Youre at our familys wedding, you arrive in a Jaguar with your own driver, and this is what you bring? Youre giving as if youve not a penny to your name.
Without missing a beat, the relatives coolly reclaimed the envelope. If our present isnt good enough for you, they said, then perhaps best you give it to someone wholl appreciate it. And with that, they simply walked straight out of the reception.
You really ought to have seen it. The whole room burst out laughingme included.
Later I discovered these affluent relatives are only ever invited to weddings and birthdays on the hopes theyll hand over something extravagant. And as for what they actually gave the young coupleand then took back? The money was enough for a weeks holiday in a nice hotel, if you ask me, a brilliant present, especially from such distant relatives. For some reason, though, the grooms mother seemed to think it was a paupers offering.
