**Diary Entry**
For years, I was my sons familys unpaid nanny and cookuntil they saw me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
Nina, hello! Am I interrupting? My daughter-in-law, Katies voice was artificially bright on the phone.
I stirred the long-cold soup in silence. Interrupting? I was never too busy when they needed something.
Go on, Katie.
Weve got newsits huge! Leo and I booked flights to Spain for two weeks! All-inclusive, can you believe it? Last-minute deal!
I could picture itsun, sea, Leo and Katie. And somewhere out of frame, their five-year-old son, Alfie. My grandson.
Congratulations. Im happy for you. The words came out flat, like reading a medicine label.
So, youll take Alfie, right? He cant go to nursery nowtheres chickenpox going around. Oh, and his swimming lessonshe mustnt miss those. And hes got speech therapy next week. Ill send you the schedule.
She spoke quickly, not letting me get a word in, as if afraid I might thinkand refuse. Though I never refused.
Katie, Id planned to go to the cottage for a few days while the weathers nice My weak protest sounded unconvincing even to me.
The *cottage*? Her voice dripped disbelief, as if Id announced a trip to the moon. Mum, seriously? Alfie needs you. Were not just gallivantingwere recharging! Sea air, vitamins!
I stared out at the grey London street. My sea air. My vitamins.
Oh, and one more thing, she continued without pause. The premium cat food delivery is coming Wednesdaytwelve kilos. Couriers between ten and six, so stay home, yeah? And water the plants, especially the orchid. Its fussy.
She listed my duties like it was obvious. I wasnt a personjust a function. A convenient, free add-on to their comfortable life.
Fine, Katie. Of course.
Brilliant! I knew we could count on you! Her chirpy tone made it sound like shed done *me* a favour. Right, kisses, gotta pack!
The line went dead.
I set the phone down slowly. My eyes landed on the wall calendar, where a red circle marked next Saturdaymy long-awaited reunion with friends I hadnt seen in a year.
I picked up a damp cloth and wiped the mark awayerasing another tiny piece of my own unlived life.
No anger, no bitterness. Just a thick, hollow emptinessand one quiet question: *When will they realise Im not just a free service, but a real person?*
Probably not until they see me at Heathrow with a one-way ticket.
—
Alfie arrived the next day. Leo, my son, lugged in an oversized suitcase, a sports bag of swim gear, and three shopping bags of toys. He avoided my eyes.
Mum, were in a rushairport traffic, he muttered, dropping the suitcase in the hall.
Katie swept in behind him, already in holiday modeflowy dress, floppy hat. She scanned my modest flat with a quick, appraising glance.
Nina, dont let Alfie watch too much tellyread to him instead. And go easy on sweets; he gets hyper. She thrust a folded sheet at me. Heres the schedule. Meal plans, therapist numbers, allergies. Everything.
As if I hadnt cared for Alfie since he was born. As if I hadnt put my life on hold while they built theirs.
Katie, I know what he likes, I said quietly.
Knowing isnt the same as following the plan, she snapped. Alfie, be good for Granny! Well bring you a big toy!
They left in a cloud of expensive perfume and a lingering draft.
Alfie, realising hed been left behind, sobbed. The first three days were relentlessswimming lessons across town, speech therapy on the other side, tantrums, midnight tears, endless I want Mummy. I was exhausted.
On day four, I called Leo. Theyd just checked into their hotel.
Mum? Whats wrong? Is Alfie okay? His tension was palpable.
Hes fine. Leo I cant do this. Its too much. Could you hire a part-time nanny? Id pay half.
Silence. Then a heavy sigh.
Mum, dont start. We just got here. Katies stressed enough. A *nanny*? Whod we trust? Youre his *grandmother*. This should be *joyful* for you.
Joy doesnt cancel exhaustion. Im not getting younger.
Youre just out of practice, he soothedfirmly. Youll adjust. Lets not ruin this. We never get away. Gotta goKaties calling.
The line died. I stared at the phone, something inside me hardening. Not anger. Just cold, clear understanding. To him, I wasnt *Mum*I was a resource. Reliable, tested, and, above all, free.
On Wednesday, the cat food arrivedtwelve kilos dumped on the doorstep by a disinterested courier. It took me ten minutes to drag it inside, my back screaming. When I finally managed, I sat beside the fish-scented sack and laughed. A silent, hollow laugh.
That evening, Katie called. Sea waves and music in the background.
Nina! Did you water my orchid? *Only* filtered water, remember? And at the roots, *not* the leaves!
She didnt ask about Alfie. Didnt ask about *me*. Just the plant.
I remember, Katie. Its fine, I said, eyeing the cursed cat food.
That night, I barely slept. Not thinking of the cottage or my missed reunion. Instead, I opened my wardrobe, pulled out my old savings book and passport. Just held them, tracing the covers.
The thought that had flickered days ago wasnt just a fantasy anymore. It was taking shape. Becoming a plan.
The breaking point came on day ten. Leo called as Alfie napped.
Mum! Hows our champ?
Sleeping.
Listen, weve had the best timeabsolute paradise. The hotel offered a discount if we stay another week. Mum, could you?
I already knew.
Were a bit short, though His wheedling tone made my skin crawl. Katie rememberedyouve got Dads sapphire earrings. You never wear them.
What do you want, Leo? My voice was eerily calm.
Pawn them? Just till we get backwell redeem them straight away! Theyre just *sitting* there!
In the background, Katie hissed, Leo, hurry *up*! Nina, theyre just *things*! We deserve this!
*Just things*. My memories. My family. My lifereduced to collateral for their well-deserved break.
Something inside me froze. Not shatteredjust turned to ice, sharp and clear.
Fine, I said evenly. How much?
Fifty thousand? Mum, youre the *best*! Just photograph the receipt so we know
Of course, Leo. Enjoy yourselves.
I hung up. Peeked into Alfies roomhe slept, lips smacking softly. My sweet boy, wanted by no one but me.
The ice in my chest cracked. I couldnt abandon him. But I couldnt go on like this either.
I texted Leo: *Not selling the earrings. Your return flights in four days. If youre not back by Sunday, Im contacting social services on Monday. No discussion.*
His reply was instant: *Are you THREATENING us?!*
I didnt answer. I opened the airline website and booked a ticket. Malaga. One-way. Departing Tuesday.
—
They returned Sunday eveningnot arriving, but *storming* in. Sunburnt, frayed, furious.
Happy now? Katie spat. Ruined our best holiday ever! Manipulative cow!
Leo brushed past to the living room, where Alfie was building with blocks. The boy leapt into his arms.
I walked out, holding my passportthe ticket tucked inside. Utterly calm.
Im glad youre back for your son, I said softly. Now listen. Both of you.
They fell silent, startled by my tone.
Five years, Leo. Five *years* Ive been your shadow.
I collected Alfie from nursery when Katie was at her spa days. I stayed up when he teethed so they could sleep. I cancelled plans, missed outall because *Mum,
