I remember a time, years ago now, when I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for five years. We lived in different cities, separated by work, but we spoke every day without fail. We had made our plans for the future together. I had started to seriously consider proposing to her, hoping that would put an end to the long-distance and finally allow us to settle in one place. I trusted her completelyshed never given me any real reason to doubt her.
Then, one afternoon, my phone rang from a number I didnt recognise. I answered, and on the other end was a calm, well-spoken man. He introduced himself and got straight to the point.
I dont want any bother. Im only calling because I think you ought to know something.
He explained he was a systems engineer and had recently started going out with a particular woman. Nothing serious yetjust some messages, casual coffees, a bit of flirting that early stage where youre just getting to know someone. Shed never mentioned that she was in a relationship. Everything seemed perfectly normal, until something just didnt quite add up.
Hed been talking to a friend, who also happened to be seeing someone. He mentioned her name, and his friend fell silent, then asked to see a photo. On seeing the picture, he said something that left the man speechless:
Walk away from her now. Shes been with her boyfriend officially for over five years.
The friend insisted this wasnt just rumourit was common knowledge. He even described me: living in another city, while she worked locally, and that allowed her certain freedoms. Worse still, he added that she was also seeing another chap, also an engineera man who, for him, was only a passing acquaintance, but to his friend, someone well-known. And this man was well aware that she had a boyfriend, and simply didnt care.
Thats when the truth dawned. It wasnt a case of mistaken identity, but rather, a woman maintaining three relationships at once: with me, with this other engineer who knew about me, and with the caller, who had been completely in the dark.
He told me that once hed put all the pieces together, he felt he had to let me know. If theres such a thing as female solidarity, he said, surely theres a place for men to look out for one another, too. He didnt want to be involved. Hed found my number through social media and thought it best to call rather than send a message. He added,
If you want proof, just say the word and Ill send it over. Ive nothing to hide.
I told him yes, and after we hung up, I received the whole sorry tale: their conversations, voice messages, photos, arrangements to meet. The way she spoke to him was almost identical to the way she spoke to methe same words, the same compliments, the same false promises.
There was such a crushing pain in my chest that I thought I might meet my maker. I loved her, and Id started planning my whole life around her. I was thinking of moving to her city, proposing, and beginning all over again together.
I rang her straight away and confronted her. She didnt deny it. First, she tried to play it down. Then she grew angry, raging that someone had stuck their nose in. After that, the tears came. She said she was confused, that she didnt know what she wanted, and that she hadnt expected me to find out this way.
I put the phone down.
And then I realised something Id never truly accepted beforeinfidelity isnt exclusive to men. There are also women who deceive deliberately, who juggle several relationships at once and know exactly what theyre doing.
Yes, I lost a relationship. But Im grateful to the man who, not even knowing me, had the decency to warn me. Otherwise, I might today be engaged to someone leading a doubleor triplelife, seemingly without a scrap of remorse.
