I told Mum I couldnt take her in to stay at our flat, and I felt terrible about it.
Dont you dare say no to your own mother! Mum snapped. I only need a week with you while were getting the place redone. Is it really such a bother to spare a few square metres for me?
Shed called three times that morning, each time getting a bit more insistent.
Love, were like sardines in a tin, I tried to explain on the fourth call. Toms sleeping on the sofa because Emily and Harry need a separate room. Where am I supposed to put you? On the balcony?
I wasnt pulling any punches. Ive got two teenage kids and a husband, Dave, whos been out of work for the past six months. We live in a twobedroom terraced house in a sleepy suburb. I also have a mum up north and a younger sister, Molly, whos always been Mums golden child
Oh, of course youll find a spot for your mother, Mum said, slipping into a flattering tone that made my hands itch. Youre such a good housewife, after all!
Id heard that voice since I was a kid. It was the same one Mum used when shed say:
Emily, youre such a grownup, could you watch little Molly while I pop into the café, love?
I was ten then, Molly only two. Instead of doing homework or playing dressup, I actually sat with my little sister
Cant talk right now, Mum, I lied. Im about to spill my milk. I hung up, poured myself a coffee, and knew Mum wasnt going to give up.
Sure enough, an hour later she called again, this time trying a different angle.
Emily, darling, you know Emilys getting married, right? Harrys a wonderful lad from a respectable family his parents run a dental practice! Imagine that. Of course hell need his own place, you understand. I cant keep intruding on them with my presence.
Thats when it clicked. So the renovation isnt the excuse after all
So theyre planning to live with you? I blurted before I could bite my tongue.
Exactly, Mum replied.
Why can I be a nuisance to you but not to them? I exploded.
Nina! Mum gasped. What are you saying? Im your mother! I raised you, didnt sleep a wink for you!
Right, shed raised me especially when I turned fifteen and she sent Molly and me off to Grandmas in the countryside, while she started seeing yet another candidate. Grandma would just shake her head and mutter:
Oh dear, girls, youve got it tough with Mum
I tried to stay calm. Mum, why not let Emily and Harry rent a place? Or maybe his parents could help after all, they own a dental practice.
Why would they spend money on a rental when theres a lovely threebedroom flat available? Mum shot back. They need to save for a car, start a family! And you youre selfish, thats what you are! Ive always known that!
Thats when I finally lost it. Id held back for far too long.
Selfish? I shouted. Me? Mum, seriously? Remember when I was sixteen, working in the cafeteria just to help you out? Or when I bought Molly a computer instead of a prom dress? Or when I gave you and stepdad all my wedding money for an urgent operation that turned out to be a holiday abroad?
Stop being hysterical, Emily! Mum roared. You always dramatise and play the victim!
Im not playing the victim, Im just done being one, I replied, matching her tone.
There was a pause on the line as Mum mulled over my words.
What on earth are you talking about? she finally said. Emily, snap out of it!
Mum, I wont house you, I sighed. Not for a week, not for a day. Live with dear Molly, find a flat, or ask Harrys parents for help. I have my own family, my own problems, and Im not going to fund everyone elses forever.
Youll regret this, Mum snapped. When Im gone youll be crying at my grave, begging for forgiveness but itll be too late! Remember my words!
Those words used to cut me to the core when I was a kid. Id cried, felt guilty, and once again fallen in line with her. But I wasnt a little girl any more. I said goodbye to Mum, hung up, and moved on.
A week went by. Mum stopped calling, and I almost believed it was over. How naïve of me!
Then Saturday morning the phone rang. Seeing Mollys number flash on the screen, I instantly felt a storm coming and I was right.
Emily! a sobbing voice wailed. What have you done? Harrys left! He dumped me! All because of you!
Molly, calm down! I shouted. What happened?
Mums left us! Molly screamed. She said you refused to let her stay with us, that were useless, so we have to look after her in her old age! Harry lived with her three days and then ran away! He said he cant stand her nagging and advice! Emily, its all your fault!
Hold on, I stammered, my head spinning. Mum wanted to give you and Harry her flat, right?
Exactly! We thought wed stay there until we could save for our own place. And they wanted to move Mum to you. But now Molly broke down again.
So now that you wont help, she says we must care for her in her twilight, and Harry he said its either her or him!
And you chose Mum?
What else could I do? Its my mum! she wailed. Now hes gone and its all because you didnt take her in! If youd given her a roof, none of this would have happened!
I couldnt help but smirk to myself. Sounds like a drama series.
Molly, I said gently, your relationship didnt fall apart because of me or Mum. Its your choice thats caused the fallout. You could have found a solution youre an adult now. You could have rented a flat, or moved into one like many do when they have no place of their own. You could have talked to Harry and reached a compromise. Instead you took the easy route and pointed the blame at me.
Youre heartless! Molly shrieked. You always have been! Cold and calculating!
No, Molly. Ive just learned to protect myself. Thats okay. Its a shame you havent realised that yet.
I hung up, turned off the phone, and Dave appeared in the living room with a fresh mug of coffee.
Family again? he asked.
Yeah, Molly this time. Some family drama.
He just gave me a sympathetic look.
I think I finally understand something, I said.
Whats that?
That I dont have to be convenient for anyone not Mum, not Molly, not anyone. I have a right to my own life.
Dave pulled me into a warm hug.
Welcome to the selfish club, love. Weve got good seats.
The phone rang again. Of course it was Mum.
Well, look whos back, she said, voice trembling with drama. Can you believe it? Because of you, Mollys gone off to rent! Shes left me alone! Just like you! Everybodys abandoned me! Selfish, ungrateful lot!
