Good afternoon, dear friend.
Recently I crossed paths with a woman walking down the high street with her eighteen-month-old daughter. She seemed completely lost in her thoughts, so much so that she almost walked straight past me if I hadnt called out her name. At first, her face lit up with genuine delight when she recognised me, but in an instant, a strange indifference settled over her expression. Sensing something was amiss, I gently asked what had happened, and she proceeded to share the whole story of her family struggles.
She and her husband married for love. Their engagement had been such a lovely time, full of romance and those little moments just for the two of them. After their wedding, her husband had even carried her across the threshold. They truly sought peace and understanding, even when life began to take them down separate paths.
However, everything changed dramatically with the birth of their daughter. Her husband experienced, for the first time, what it truly meant to be a parentand to be honest, he didnt take to it kindly. He worked from home, and a noisy, crying baby only seemed to get in his way. Of course, nearly all of the childcare fell to his wife, but from time to time he would grumble about it, too.
Recognising that his wife was on maternity leave and their income had dropped quite a bit, he started to use this as an excuse to pile even more of the childcare on her shoulders. After a while, he insisted she return to her job and suggested they let one of the grandparents look after the little one.
He would accept no argument that the grandparents might not be entirely up to the task of caring for such a young child and became fixated instead on bringing more money into the household. He looked at all sorts of optionseven full-time nurseriesjust so he wouldnt have to take any responsibility himself. From then on, he stopped giving her money for the weekly shop, choosing instead to do it himself because hed got it into his head that she was spending too frivolously and buying unnecessary things.
As her world shrunk at home, she began to take her daughter out for long walks in the park or visits to the local playground, just to avoid being stuck inside with her husband.
Yesterday, she turned to me quite distraught and asked what on earth she should do. I found myself completely unable to offer any real advice. Divorce? She said that was simply out of the question. For all his faults, she still loved him dearly and couldnt imagine breaking apart their family, not least because their daughter was still so small. She wanted her little girl to grow up with both parents, under one roof. She was also tired of being blamed for not earning, when the circumstances were hardly of her own making.
As we parted, all I could manage were platitudes like be strong, things will work themselves out, and time heals. I really do hope, with all my heart, that things will turn out for the best for her and her family.
