I realised my mistakes and wanted to return to my ex-wife after 30 years, but it was already too late
My name is William Carter, and I live in Canterbury, where the grey skies stretch endlessly over the fields. Im 52 years old and have nothing leftno wife, no family, no jobjust emptiness, like a cold wind whistling through an abandoned house. I destroyed everything I had, and now I stand amid the ruins of my life, staring into the abyss I dug with my own hands.
For 30 years, I shared my life with my wife, Margaret. I was the breadwinnerworking hard to provide while she kept the home running. I liked having her there, safe and unseen by the outside world. But over time, I grew irritated by her attentiveness, her habits, her voice. Love faded, dissolved by routine. I thought it was normal, the way things were meant to be. I felt comfortable in that dull stabilityuntil fate threw me a challenge I couldnt overcome.
One evening at the pub, I met Emily. She was 32, twenty years younger than mebeautiful, lively, with a spark in her eyes. She seemed like a dream come true, a breath of fresh air in my stagnant life. We started seeing each other, and soon, she became my mistress. For two months, I lived a double life until I realised I no longer wanted to go home to Margaret. Id fallen for Emilyor so I thought. I wanted her to be my wife, my new future.
I mustered the courage to confess to Margaret. She didnt shout or throw platesjust stared at me with hollow eyes and nodded. I thought she didnt care either, that her feelings had died long ago. Now I see how deeply I hurt her. We divorced. We sold the house where our children, James and Thomas, had grown up, where every corner held memories of the past. Emily insisted I leave Margaret nothing. I obeyedtook my share and bought a spacious flat for Emily. Margaret was left with a tiny studio, and I didnt even help her financially. I knew she had no income, no way to survive, but I didnt care. My sons called me a traitor and cut all ties. Back then, it didnt matterI had Emily, a new life, and I thought it was enough.
Emily got pregnant, and I eagerly awaited our child. But when the boy was born, he looked nothing like meor her. Friends whispered, my brother warned me, but I ignored them. Life with Emily became hell. I worked myself to exhaustion, supporting her and the child while she demanded money, vanished at night, came home drunk. The flat was a messno food, constant arguing over nothing. I lost my jobfatigue and anger took their toll. I endured this nightmare for three years until my brother convinced me to take a DNA test. The result hit me like a hammerthe boy wasnt mine.
I divorced Emily the same day I found out. She disappeared, taking everything she could carry. I was aloneno wife, no children, no strength left. I decided to go back to Margaret. I bought flowers, wine, cake, and went to her like a guilty dog. But someone else lived in her tiny flat nowthe new owner gave me her address. I went there, trembling with hope. A man answered the door. Margaret had found a job, remarried a colleague, and looked happier than Id ever seen heralive, glowing. Shed rebuilt her life without me.
Later, I saw her at a café. I fell to my knees, begging her to return. She looked at me like I was a pitiful fool and walked away without a word. Now I see the idiot I was. Why did I leave the woman I spent 30 years with? Why did I trade my family for a young woman who drained me and left? For an illusion, for blind faith in love? Im 52 and empty. My sons wont take my calls, my job slipped through my fingers like sand. I lost everything dear to me, and Im the only one to blame.
Every night, I dream of Margarether calm eyes, her voice, her warmth. I wake up to the cold loneliness and realise: I pushed her away. She wont wait for me, wont forgive me, and I dont deserve forgiveness. My mistakea brand that burns my soul. I wish I could turn back time, but its too late. Too late. Now I wander the streets of Canterbury like a ghost, searching for what I destroyed. I have nothing leftjust regret, which will follow me to the end. I ruined my family, my life, and I carry that weight alone, knowing theres nothing left to fix.
