Ive never loved my wife, though I mustve told her that a hundred times. She wasnt to blame for any of it we had a perfectly pleasant life together. She never nagged, never raised her voice, always gentle and kind. The only thing missing was love. All that filled our life were kitchen chatter and clinking cutlery.
Each night Id go to bed, and every morning, Id wake with the same thought that I wanted to leave. I longed to find the woman I could truly love.
But could I really do it? I was comfortable around Emily. Besides her impressive skills in running the household, my wife was also genuinely beautiful. All my mates envied me, even now, and none could work out how Id managed to land someone like her. Truth be told, I didnt understand it either what did she even see in me?
Im nothing special, really just an ordinary bloke you wouldnt pick out on the High Street. Yet shes in love with me Its baffling, honestly.
Her devotion unsettled me. So, too, did her beauty. I realised the moment I walked out for good and cut all ties, thered be a queue out the door richer, better-looking, and more successful men than me. The thought of someone else with his arm draped round her was enough to drive me mad. Emily was mine, even though I felt nothing for her. Never had, really. I married her because I liked the idea of such a stunning woman by my side.
Still, you cant live your whole life with someone you dont love, can you? I thought I could manage; I was wrong. Our kitchen and dining room were warm and inviting, but no comfort in the world could make up for what was missing.
I must tell her all of this tomorrow, I decided one night, and at long last, managed to get some sleep.
The next morning, over breakfast, I finally plucked up the courage.
Emily, love, sit down. Ive something I really need to say.
Im listening, darling.
Imagine for a moment, we split up. We go our separate ways, move to different parts of London.
Emily laughed.
Thats a strange thing to sayare we playing some sort of game?
Just hear me out, please. Its important for both of us.
Alright, she said, humouring me, Im imagining it.
Tell me honestly, if I left you, do you think youd find someone else?
James, whats gotten into you? Why on earth would you leave?
Because I dont love you, Emily, and I never have.
What? Youre joking, arent you? I dont understand
I want to leave, but I cant bear the thought of you being with someone else, I blurted out.
Emily was quiet then, silent for a long moment, before she said:
I doubt Id ever find someone better than you, so you can go without worrying. There wont be anyone else. Not after you.
Do you promise?
Of course, she replied gently, as if reassuring a child.
But where would I even go? I asked.
You have nowhere else? she replied.
No. Weve shared our lives for so long. I suppose were meant to grow old together after all, I said, the sadness in my voice obvious.
Dont worry about that, Emily said. When we divorce, well split the flatsell it, and each get a place of our own.
Really? I didnt expect you to help me like that. Why are you doing this?
Because I love you, and when you love someone you dont keep them chained at your side, she said softly.
Months passed, and in the end we did split up. A few weeks later, I discovered that Emily hadnt kept her promise after all and had found herself another man. And the flat, which shed inherited from her grandmother, she had no intention of dividing up.
So here I am, left with nothing utterly alone. How am I supposed to trust women again after this? I’ve got no idea…
Whats your take on James?
This story is drawn from a real account shared by one of our readers. Any resemblance to actual places or names is purely coincidental. All photos in the article are for illustrative purposes only.
