I didnt invite any guests! Emilys voice finally cracked. I didnt ask for you to come!
Matthew was standing in the kitchen, fully absorbed in whisking together a pasta sauce. He gripped a whisk in one hand, an open cookbook in the other, and his face bore the intensity of a man trying to solve advanced mathematics by smell alone.
The aroma of garlic, tomatoes and basil engulfed the flat, mingling charmingly with the gentle whiff of vanilla candles that Emily had placed all around the sitting room.
I think its working, he called over his shoulder to his wife, who was busy slicing cheese for the salad. At least it hasnt curdled.
Emily smiled back, her brown hair piled carelessly atop her head, her large hazel eyes reflecting the warm kitchen light. She looked at him as if hed just performed a minor miracle.
Youre the cleverest, love, she said, wandering over to give him a hug around his waist. It smells marvellous. Just like that bistro in Bath.
Thats the aim! Just picture it: peace, soft music, dinner by candlelight No phone, no guests. Just us.
The idea to celebrate her birthday in private had been mutual. After weeks of relentless family pop-ins, they were desperate for an evening that belonged just to them.
Emily had splurged on her favourite wine, and Matthew had taken the afternoon off work to cook dinner himself.
When the table had been set and everything was prepped, Emily started up some light jazz on the speaker.
Happy birthday, darling, said Matthew, raising his glass. May this year give you nothing but happiness and a bit of bloody peace.
Thank you, sweetheart, Emily clinked glasses with him.
The wine had a lovely tartness. Emily closed her eyes, savouring the moment. Shed been looking forward to this evening for weeks.
And then, right at the peak of their blissful silence, the door buzzer let out a shrill, urgent croak. Matthews brow furrowed in confusion.
Who on earth could that be? Were not expecting anyone.
Emily shrugged, though a tightness had already knotted in her chest. A queasy premonition prickled her skin. Matthew walked over to the intercom.
Yes? he inquired.
A familiar, buoyant voice boomed in reply, echoing down the hall.
Matty, its us! Open up, weve brought goodies! Were here to wish birthday greetings!
Matthews face fell, and he shot a desperate look to Emily.
Mum? he whispered. What are you doing here?
What do you mean, what am I doing? Ive come to give my favourite daughter-in-law a birthday cuddle! Its blowing a gale out here, let us in!
Matthew silently pressed the entry button. The flat was immediately plunged into a heavy, awkward hush.
Your mum? Now? Emily murmured, her voice trembling.
Sorry, I she said shed just call
Before either could recover, a hard, overconfident knock rattled the doorno guest ever knocked quite so proprietorially.
Matthew drew a deep breath and opened the door. On the threshold stood his mother, Brenda White. She was a short, robust woman, sporting a brash lipstick and a no-nonsense bob. Shed swaddled herself in a rather garish shawl and was clutching a fogged-up plastic tub like it was the Holy Grail.
Well, at last! she crowed. Thought we’d freeze on your doorstep, like cats in November! Without so much as a nod, she barrelled past, already tackling her coat.
It was only then that Emily and Matthew realised she wasnt alone. The flat was quickly swarmed: Uncle Peter, Brendas brothera man-mountain in an old tracksuit holding a crate of orange squash; his wiry wife, Aunt Carol, balancing a massive homemade cake like shed trained at the circus; their twenty-year-old daughter Chloe, instantly glued to her phone; and two young children, who shrieked off down the corridor in search of chaos.
Mum, what is this? Matthew finally managed.
What do you mean? Brenda claimed three coat hooks for her shawl. Were family, arent we? Decided to surprise dear Emily! All for you, love! She swiveled to present Emily with the frosted tub. Here you go, homemade jellied beef. Matt always liked it.
Emily accepted the enormous tub, numb.
Thank you, Brenda, she managed. But we werent we werent expecting anyone
Oh, were not guests! Were your lot! Brenda boomed, already strutting through to the sitting room. Ooh, candles! How lovely, you little romantics!
Aunt Carol, meanwhile, dumped the colossal cake onto the table, shoving aside a vase of tulips and two glasses of wine in the process.
Happy birthday, Em! Its my own recipe, a proper Black Forest Gateau. Try a bite, youll love it!
The kids tore round the room, playing impromptu rugby with a cushion. One made a desperate tackle near the floor vase, and Emily dived to steady it, heart clattering.
Matthew snapped back to reality and attempted damage control.
Well, since youre here make yourselves comfy. Emily, shall we pop into the kitchen?
But Brenda had already seized the reins.
What for? Lets sit here, its much more civilised! Peter, shift the table, Carol, fetch the plates, Chlo, put that phone down and lend a hand!
Chloe huffed and meandered off towards the kitchen, screens never leaving her gaze. Any trace of romantic ambience had vanished like tea at a building site.
Within ten minutes, the table had been invaded by a medley of dishes: jellied beef, prawn cocktail, Aunt Carols attempt at coronation chicken, a suspicious bowl of pickled mushrooms and the Black Forest Gateau.
So, birthday girl, spill: hows tricks? Brenda settled herself on the sofa, eyes fixed on Emily. Still working at that insurance office? Is your boss behaving these days?
All fine, thanks, Emily mumbled, moving some lettuce around with her fork.
Chloe cant find a job anywhere, Brenda continued, clearly in full stride. All that university nonsense and nothing to show for it. Maybe you could put in a word at your place? Shes terribly bright, when she remembers to look up.
Emily could only nod mutely, ribcage tightening. Matthew, hunched miserably beside her, tried to keep the conversation alive, resorting to football with Uncle Peter, though it was obvious hed rather discuss tax returns with a bored gnome.
He threw Emily frequent apologetic glances, but he was utterly powerless. The children had eaten their bodyweight in cake and resumed their rampage.
The youngest, Jamie, discovered Emilys prized collection of miniature glass animals on a shelf.
Mum, look at the sparklies! he cried.
Careful, Jamie, theyre fragile! Emily lunged, but too late.
He tugged at a delicate glass swan. There was a sharp snapthe crystal shattered into glittering pieces all over the carpet.
A stunned silence enveloped the room. The last traces of jazz had been drowned by the pop of a candle.
Oh, blimey! Aunt Carol exclaimed. Jamie, what did I say! Leave things alone!
Oh, dont fuss, love, its just a bit of glass, Brenda chirped, waving her hand. Well toss it in the bin. The child didnt mean it.
Emily regarded her with a stony stare.
That was my grans. Shes gone now, you know.
Well, grans in a better place, heaven bless her, but living souls matter more, eh? Brenda declared. If you dont want anything broken, you shouldnt leave nice things out when your family visits.
That was it. Emily stood up sharply; the chair screeched in protest.
I didnt want any visitors! Her voice finally broke. I didnt invite you! Matthew and I wanted to spend this evening alone! Its my birthday, not a family reunion!
A deadly hush fell. Even the children froze, sensing the mood had curdled entirely.
Uncle Peter stared at his plate. Aunt Carols jaw hung open. Brenda flushed crimson.
Oh, really? her voice iced over. We came to celebrate, bearing gifts, cooking, and it turns out were not wanted? I cant visit my own sons house?
Mum, enough, Matthew finally stood. His patience had evaporated. Emilys right. Wed planned a peaceful evening for just us. You shouldnt barge in, unannounced, and bring half of Kent.
Barge in? Brenda squeaked. My own sons home? I carried you nine months! Nursed you through chickenpox! And now your wifes here, and suddenly Im on the blacklist?
Its not about Emily. Its about respecting our plans and our personal space!
A full-blown, fruitless row erupted. Brenda unleashed reproaches, Matthew pleaded, and the rest of the family sat, mouths firmly shut.
Emily couldnt take any more. She turned and slipped out of the living room.
From behind the closed bedroom door, she could still hear muffled squabbling, every word a fresh thud in her heart.
She had no idea how much time passedten minutes, maybe twenty. Gradually, the row subsided, replaced by an awkward hush.
A shuffle of feet, low voices, the muted clunk of the front door.
The bedroom door cracked open. Matthew entered quietly, looking completely done in.
Theyve gone, he mumbled. Emily, Im so sorry. I should have disconnected the intercom
But you didnt, Emily replied flatly. You could have stopped her!
Shes my mum She meant well.
For whom? Emily rounded on him, eyes aflame. Herself? To show off how marvellous she is as a mother and hostess? She ruined everything tonight, Matthew!
What could I do? Throw them out? Shed have started World War Three
And this wasnt a battle? Emily paced furiously. Shes always like this! Always making the decisions for uswhat we eat, where we go, how we live. And you always let her win
Emily moved to the window. Down in the carpark, she saw Brenda, the aunt, the uncle, the lot, shuffling into their car.
It looked like the storm had passed. But Emily knew better. It was just the eye of the hurricane.
I dont know what to do anymore, Matt, she whispered. I cant live in constant dread that your mother will show up, uninvited, with her casseroles and her opinions.
Ill talk to her. Properly. Explain this cant go on
Youve said that so many times. Nothing changes.
The perfect evening theyd worked for was now wreckage.
Im sorry, Matthew said again, quietly. Happy birthday, darling.
Emily closed her eyes. She was thirty-three, but felt about sixty.
Maybe we could carry on celebrating? Matthew ventured hopefully. Theres still loads left
I havent got the heart for it, Emily replied, hollow. Im exhausted. I just want to sleep.
She left for the bathroom, desperate to wash off the evening and tumble into bedinto dreams, she hoped, free from mother-in-laws and uninvited relatives.
Brenda retreated home in a stew of wounded pride, genuinely baffled about how she could possibly have spoiled anyones evening.












