I Lost My Will to Help My Mother-in-Law When I Learned What She Had Done—But I Can’t Abandon Her Either

Author Walton MerrittReading 4 minViews 3

I lost the desire to help my mother-in-law when I learned what she had done. But I can’t simply abandon her.

I have two children. They each have different fathers. My eldest is my daughter, Emily, who is now sixteen. Emilys father pays child support and maintains a regular relationship with her. Despite my first husband being remarried and having two more children with his new wife, he never forgets about Emily and is involved in her life.

Unfortunately, my son has not been as lucky. Two years ago, my second husband fell seriously ill and passed away in the hospital three days later. It still feels unreal to meI can hardly believe hes truly gone. Sometimes, I imagine the front door swinging open and him stepping in, smiling and wishing me good morning. On those days, I end up in tears before midday.

Throughout that difficult time, my late husbands mother, Margaret, was a huge support. It was extremely hard for her as well; after all, my husband was her only son. We clung to each other for comfort and mutual support, trying to get through that nightmare together. We spoke on the phone almost every day and visited whenever we could. Most of our conversations always circled back to my late husband.

At one point, we even considered moving in together, but Margaret changed her mind. Somehow, seven years drifted by. Margaret and I always had a wonderful relationship. You might even say we were more friends than in-laws.

I remember back when I became pregnant, Margaret once brought up a paternity test. It turned out shed watched a television programme about a man whod unknowingly raised someone elses child for years before discovering the truth. I immediately dismissed it.

If a man has doubts that the child is his, I told her, it means hes not going to be much of a father anywayjust a Sunday dad!

Margaret insisted she trusted that I was carrying her sons child. I was convinced that when the baby arrived, shed insist on a DNA test, but she remained silent on the matter.

This summer, Margaret grew seriously unwell, and her condition worsened rapidly. We decided she should move closer to me. We found an estate agent and began looking for a flat for her.

Then Margaret was admitted to hospital, and we needed her late husbands death certificate for the estate agent. Since she couldnt go herself, I offered to collect it from her house. As I searched for the certificate in her files, I stumbled across something entirely unexpecteda paternity test. It showed shed tested my son when he was just two months old, confirming his fathers identity.

I was beside myself, completely shocked. Margaret had never really believed me! I couldnt keep this to myself and I confronted her about it. Now, shes apologising and repeatedly telling me how sorry she is for her foolishness. But I cant shake the feeling of betrayal. She kept silent for so many yearsI feel deceived.

Right now, I find it hard to want to help Margaret. Yet at the same time, I know theres no one else who can look after her.

I dont want my son to lose his grandmother, so I will continue to support her. But the warmth and trust we once shared wont return. Ive learned that trust, once broken, is not so easily restoredbut compassion remains, and sometimes the right thing to do isnt always the easiest.

For about a year, my son had been living with Kate, but we had never met her parents, which struck me as odd—so I decided to investigate I’ve always raised my son to respect women above all—his grandmother, his mother, his wife, his daughter. In my view, that’s the finest quality a man can have: respect for women. My husband and I gave our son a wonderful upbringing and education, and provided him with everything he needed to face life with confidence. We wanted to let him find his own way, but we still bought him a two-bedroom flat. While he worked to support himself, he didn’t earn enough to afford his own place. We didn’t just hand him the flat or even tell him about the purchase. Why? Because our son was living with his girlfriend—simple as that. For about a year, he’d been living with Kate, but we’d never met her parents, and I found that strange. Later, I discovered that Kate’s mother was once the neighbour of a friend of mine. She told me something that made me uneasy. It turned out her mother kicked her husband out when he started earning less, but the real oddity began afterwards… The woman started dating a married, but wealthy man. Kate’s grandmother, just like her daughter, was also involved with a married man and forced both her daughter and granddaughter to help out at his country cottage. Because of this, my son had already had several run-ins with his potential mother-in-law. But what troubles me most is that both Kate’s mother and grandmother are turning Kate against her father. The girl is clearly attached to her dad, but thanks to these women, her relationship with him is at risk. And, the cherry on top: Kate decided to drop out of university. She believes a man should take care of the family, which I understand—I’ve prepared my son for that—but heaven forbid they run into trouble down the line. Where’s the safety net if things go wrong? How will she support her husband then? By the way, I’ve reassigned the flat’s ownership to myself, because I know I raised him to be a true gentleman. Sure, anything you own before marriage isn’t split after divorce, but Kate is such a clever woman she could send my “gentleman” off with nothing but his socks.

— Needless to Say, This Is All My Fault! — My Boyfriend’s Sister Sobs: “I Never Imagined Anything Like This Could Happen! Now I Don’t Know What to Do Next, or Even How to Handle It Without Losing Face.” My boyfriend’s sister married a few years ago. After the wedding, it was agreed that the newlyweds would live with her husband’s mother. His parents have a spacious three-bedroom flat and only one son. “I’ll keep one room for myself, the rest is yours!” announced the mother-in-law. “We’re all well-mannered, so I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.” “We can always move out!” her husband reassured her. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to live with my mum under one roof. If it doesn’t work out, we can always get a place of our own…” That’s exactly what happened. Turns out, living together was quite the challenge. Both daughter-in-law and mother-in-law tried their best, but things just got worse every day. Tensions kept bubbling up, and the arguments became more frequent as time went on. “You said if we couldn’t stand it, we’d just move out!” the wife cried in frustration. “And didn’t we?” her husband shrugged indifferently. “These are minor issues—not worth packing up and leaving over, are they?” Exactly one year after their wedding, she became pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The arrival of the grandson coincided with the mother-in-law leaving her job—and she hadn’t found a new one yet, as nobody wanted to hire someone nearing retirement. So mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were suddenly home together 24/7, neither able to go out much, and the atmosphere at home worsened every day. The husband shrugged and listened to their complaints—he was the only one bringing in any money. “We can’t leave my mother alone right now, she hasn’t got the means to support herself. I can’t abandon her, and I can’t afford to rent a place and help Mum out at the same time. Once she finds a job, we’ll move out.” But the young mother’s patience wore thin. She packed her things and her son’s as well, and moved in with her own mum. When she left, she told her husband she’d never set foot in his mother’s house again. If he truly cared about his family, he’d have to do something about it. She was sure her husband valued their family and would try hard to win them back. But she was very wrong. It’s been more than three months since she moved out, and her husband hasn’t made any attempt to bring her home. He still lives with his mother, keeps in touch with his wife and child via video calls after work, and visits them at his mother-in-law’s on weekends. He enjoys attention and care from two women at once, his mother has all the sympathy in the world for her poor son “abandoned” by that angry wife, and he doesn’t actually have to look after the child! The husband’s winning! And the mother-in-law probably feels like nothing’s changed at all. The young wife, meanwhile, is far from happy. She loves her husband—even though she knows he’s acting poorly. “What did you think would happen when you left?” he asks. “You’re welcome to come back whenever you like.” Realistically, the wife has no intention of leaving her own mum to rent her own flat. She’s on maternity leave, after all; she hasn’t got the means. Is this truly the end of their family? Do you think she has even the slightest chance of going back to her mother-in-law’s house and saving face in this situation?