So, you know, I have a five-year-old daughter, and just like with any young kid, shes constantly outgrowing her clothes. Were talking nearly-new dresses, coats, shoessome things shes only worn twice because children just grow like weeds. Im not the sort to hoard things for memories, so one weekend I sat down, pulled everything out of her wardrobe and went through item by item. I separated out all the bits that were still in perfect nick. Loads of things just went straight outanything with stains, tears, or really worn bits. I mean, Id never give away rubbish, thats just not on.
Then I remembered my niecemy sister-in-laws little girl. Shes nearly four and always seems to be wearing really plain clothes, sometimes the same outfit again and again. Its not that theyre struggling for money; my sister-in-law just never seems that fussed about what the girl wears. I didnt say a word to anyone. I simply packed up a nice bag with those outgrown clotheslovely dresses, almost-new outfits, this coat my daughter only wore twice, and some shoes she barely touched. Nothing shabby or worn out, I promise. I washed everything, folded it nicely, and handed it over with a smile, saying, These dont fit Emily any more, but theyd be perfect for your little one.
She smiled and thanked me, and I thought that was that. Sorted. But two days later, I started noticing things were a bit off. My mother-in-law texted me, asking why I was showing off with clothes and making the family uncomfortable. Then, at the next family get-together, my husbands cousin gave me a really odd look and barely said hello. I had no idea what was going on.
Later, one of my other sisters-in-law told me what had happened. Apparently, my nieces mum had been telling everyone Id humiliated her, turning up with leftovers, making her look poor in front of the family, parading around like Im better than everyone else. She even claimed I arrived with huge bags of stuff just to flash what I have. Hearing all that really stungI felt angry and sad all at once, because none of it could be further from the truth.
Things got worse at a Sunday roast at my in-laws, when my sister-in-law dropped a comment in front of the whole family: Some people think by handing down second-hand clothes, theyre being helpful but really, theyre just being patronising. I was gobsmacked. My husband shot me a look, my mother-in-law said nothing, and the room went silent. Thats when it all clickedthis nastiness was coming straight from her.
So, in front of everyone, I calmly but firmly said that I hadnt given her any tatty clothesonly the best, and that Id thrown away loads myself. I told her if she found it insulting to be given nice things for her daughter, I simply wouldnt bother next time. I made it clear I wouldnt let her paint me as the bad guy when the only thing Id done was try to do something thoughtful for her child.
Ever since then, it hasnt been the same. My sister-in-law barely speaks to mejust says hello because she has to. My mother-in-law tries to act neutral, but you can tell shes awkward about the whole thing. Im just left with this awful feeling, because you try to do a simple good deed and suddenly youre caught up in a drama you never asked for.
What do you reckon about all that?
