Ive given birth to your son, but we want nothing from you, said the voice down the phonea lovers voice.
Tom looked at Laura with the eyes of a hound caught in the rain.
Yes, you heard right, he muttered. Laura, half a year ago, there was there was someone else. Not much, just a few meetings, it was only a bit of fun. And shes given birth to my son. Only recently
Laura felt the world reel. What a revelation! Her reliable, loving husband now had a child by another.
It was like walking underwaterher mind could barely grasp his meaning. She stood there, her mind spinning as Tom sat small and sunken on the kitchen chair, hands knotted between his knees, shoulders slumped as though somebody had let the air out of him.
A son, then, Laura repeated. You, a married man, have a son by another woman. And that womanshe isnt your wife, isnt me
Laura, I didnt know. I swear to you.
You didnt know how babies are made? Tom, youre forty.
I didnt know shed decide to go through with it. We split up ages ago. She went back to her husband. I thought I thought that was that. But then yesterday, she calls. You have a son. Eight pounds, healthy. And hung up. Just like that.
Laura rose, legs trembling, knees as soft as if shed just finished a London Marathon.
Outside, autumn blustered against the windows, golden leaves whirling. The scene was so beautiful, she caught her breath despite herself.
So, what now? she asked the landscape, not him.
Ive no idea, Tom replied, voice as thin as morning mist.
Brilliant. The answer of a true man. Head of the household: I dont know.
She wheeled around.
Are you going then? To go look?
Tom flinched, flickering his eyes up to her, guilt radiating off him.
Laura, she left me the address of St. Marys Maternity. Discharge is the day after next. Said, Come if you like, dont if you dont. I want nothing from you. Proud woman. Wants nothing
She wants nothing? Laura echoed flatly. What innocent nonsense.
A slam echoed down the hallthe older kids had come in.
A faint smile flicked onto Lauras face, as if pressed by a switch. Years running her company had taught her to keep up appearances, even when the meeting crashed and burned.
The eldest poked his head into the kitchena tall, broad-shouldered twenty-year-old.
Well, you both look like someone nicked your wallet. Mum, is there any grub? Were famished after footie.
Theres cottage pie in the fridge, warm it up, Laura tossed back.
Dad, you said youd look at the carburettor on the old car. The younger son, a shade smaller, smacked Tom on the shoulder.
Laura took in the scene, her breath sharp and tight in her chest.
They called Tom Dad. Their own father faded into the London fog years ago, now just a cheque and an odd Christmas card.
Tom had raised them. Taught them to drive, patched their knees, met with teachers, sorted playground squabbles. He was their dad, the real kind.
Tom forced a smile.
Ill have a look, Sam. Later. Let me chat with your mum first.
The boys left, plates clanging.
They love you, Laura said softly. And you?
Laura, dont. Tom sighed. Of course I love them. Theyre my lads. Im not going anywhere. I told youmy head was turned. An error. There wasnt anything real there just a he trailed off.
Just a bit of fun, thats left you with nappies to change, Laura retorted.
Then six-year-old Daisy cannoned into the kitchen. Lauras façade crumbled. The little girl scrambled onto her fathers knee.
Daddy! Why so gloomy? Did Mum tell you off?
Tom clung to her, nose buried in the golden crown of her head.
She was everything.
Laura knew: for Daisy, Tom would face lions. Fatherly loveboundless and mad.
No, princess. Just grown-up talk. Go on, get the telly on. Ill be there in a jiffy.
Once Daisy had flown out, silence drifted back in.
Everythings changed, dont you see? Laura murmured, sinking into her chair.
Im not leaving, Tom croaked. I love you. I love the kids. I cant manage without you
Theyre just words, she said. Fact is, you have a son now. He needs you. That womanshe says nothing now. Hormones, pride, or a crafty plan. Give it a month, maybe less. The baby gets poorly, grows, needs new clothes. Shell ring: Tom, weve nothing for winter. Or, Tom, he needs the doctor.
And youll go, because youre kind, and you cant help yourself.
Tom was mute.
And money, Tom? Lauras tone went low. Where will you find it?
He flinchedshed struck that tender, exposed nerve. His business had collapsed two years ago. Lauras earnings kept debts at bay.
He worked, scraped together what he could, nothing like Lauras income.
The home, the cars, the holidays, kids school feesshe kept it afloat. His cards all blocked by creditors; he lived off cash or borrowed Lauras account.
Ill manage, he mumbled.
How? Driving minicabs at night? Or lifting it from my purse to post to your, what, secret family?
Isnt it absurd? I keep our home, and you hand my money to some woman and her love child?
Shes not Tom blurted. It ended half a year ago!
A child has a way of binding people closer than a marriage certificate, Tom.
Are you going to the hospital or not?
The question dangled in the air as Tom rubbed his face with his hands.
I dont know, Laura. Honestly. The human thing would bemaybe I should. The boys done nothing wrong.
What about being human to me? To Daisy? To the lads?
Youll go there, see the bundle, pick him up, and thats it.
Youll be hooked. I know you, Tom: soft touch.
Soon, youll go once a week, then twice, then every weekend.
Youll pretend youre working late.
Well wait.
Laura moved to the sink, let water splash from the tap.
She watched the flow, switched it off.
Shes eight years younger, Tom. Thirty-two. She bore you a son. Your own, your blood. My boys arent yours by blood, though you raised them. But this onehell be yours in flesh and bone.
Dont you think that matters?
Youre talking rubbish, Tom protested. The boystheyre mine. I raised them.
Oh, stop, Laura snapped. Men always want an heir. Their own.
Weve got Daisy!
Daisys a girl
Tom jumped up.
Thats enough! Why rush me out? I said Im staying.
But I cant be cold as stone.
Thats my own child.
Ive failed you, failed everyone.
If you want, Ill go. Ill pack my bags and head to Mums, or on the street.
But dont blackmail me!
Laura went still. Fear pressed her lungs.
If she said go, hed leave.
Proud. Silly, but proud. Off, penniless, homeless, straight to that woman.
Hed be a saviour therea father, maybe poor, but the real deal.
Shed lose him for good.
She didnt want to lose him. Even laced with pain and anger, she loved him. The children loved him.
Sit, she whispered. Nobodys sending you off.
Tom lingered for a trembling breath, then collapsed onto the chair.
Im sorry, Laura. Im an idiot.
You are, she managed, but youre our idiot.
The evening drifted by in a dream-fog.
Laura did times-tables with Daisy, checked company accounts, her mind drifting years away.
The other womanwhat was she like? Pretty, of course. Young, undoubtedly.
Did she stare at her baby, thinking, Ive won?
Nothing wanted from him! Of course, the surest tactic: dont ask, dont ragesimply announce: here, you have a son, were proud, well manage fine.
Any man would want to play the hero then.
Tom tossed and turned, fitful, Laura lay awake, eyes wide, gazing into darkness.
Forty-five, attractive, successfulbut old age hovered just out of sight, while youth stood across the city.
***
Things only worsened in the morning. Laura couldnt collect herself.
The boys wolfed down breakfast, vanished. Daisy, usually angelic, was suddenly contrary.
Dad, plait my hairmum makes it all lopsided!
Tom took the brush; his big hands, so used to tools and steering wheels, gentled Daisys fine hair.
He plaited it with the tip of his tongue poking out grimly.
Laura watched, coffee cooling in her hands.
There he washer husband. Close, solid, theirs.
And somewhere else, another child, his by right, waiting.
How unfair.
Tom, she began, after Daisy darted off to dress. We need to decide. Now.
He set the comb down.
I thought about it all night.
And?
I wont go to the hospital. I cant, Laura.
Something inside Laura squeezed, but her face remained still.
Why?
Because if I do, I give her hope. Ill give hope to the child. Myself, maybe.
I cant be a father with two homes.
I dont want that, Laura. I dont want to lie to you, steal time from Daisy, or the boys.
I made my choice years ago.
You are my wife. This is my family.
And the baby? Laura surprised herself by asking.
Ill provide. Officiallychild support, or a savings account. But visits No.
Let him grow up not knowing me, thats kinder than seeing me weekends, me watching the clock, wishing I was home with you lot.
Thats fairer.
Laura rolled her wedding ring between her fingers.
Are you sure? Wont you regret it?
Probably, Tom said honestly. Ill always wonder what hes like.
But if I start visiting, Ill lose you all.
Youd never put up with it, Laurayoure strong, but not unbreakable.
Youd end up hating me, and I cant bear that.
God, I cant explain properly
He rose, stood behind her chair, his hands heavy and warm on her shoulders.
I dont want another life.
I have you, the children.
That other lot its my debt, my consequence.
Ill pay with money, nothing else. Not with my time, my care, my attention. Not with myself.
Laura laid her hand on his.
With money, you say? she tried to smile.
Ill earn it. Ill work my fingers to the bone.
But not another penny of yours for my mess.
Its my problem, Laura.
And finally, Laura was calm.
Perhaps Tom was unfair, but these were the words shed needed.
She would not share him, she didnt care a jot about the other womans feelings.
Shed got pregnant by a married manher headache.
***
Tom didnt go to the hospital.
The other woman blitzed his phone soon aftershouting, demanding, asking why he hadnt come.
Tom told her straight: she had his financial help, nothing more. No meetings.
She eventually gave up, changed her number, vanished. Months slipped by in hush.
Laura was more than fine with that.












