I gave my surname to her kids. Now Im officially obligated to support them, while she lives happily ever after with their biological father.
Let me tell you how I went from being the fun bloke to the official cash machine for two children who only text me when they need money for the cinema but totally ignore me at Christmas.
It all started three years ago. I met Emily an incredible woman, recently divorced, with two kids aged 8 and 10. I fell head over heels for her. Completely smitten. She kept telling me,
The kids adore you, honestly!
And, like a right fool, I believed her. Of course they liked me I took them to theme parks every Saturday and Sunday.
One day, during one of those chats when people blurt out life-changing nonsense, Emily says to me:
It just makes me so sad that the children dont share their fathers surname. He never recognised them officially as his.
So, in the brightest (yes, thats sarcasm) moment of my life, I say,
Well I could adopt them. They feel like my own anyway.
You know that scene in films when everything freezes and a voiceover says, It was at that moment he realised things were about to go horribly wrong?
Well, I definitely didnt hear that voice. I really shouldve.
Emily burst into tears of joy. The kids hugged me. I felt like a hero. A daft hero, but a hero nonetheless.
We went through the whole process solicitors, offices, courtrooms. The children officially became Ethan Taylor and Lily Taylor with MY surname.
I was happy. Emily was happy. We even held a little family ceremony with cake to celebrate.
Six months later. SIX.
Emily says to me,
We need to talk I dont know how to say this, but James is back.
James who? I ask, though I already know.
The kids biological father. Hes changed. Hes matured. He wants his family back.
I was literally speechless.
So, whats your plan?
Im going to give him a chance. For the sake of the children, you must understand?
Of course I understood. It was as clear as if someone had shown me the exit with a neon sign.
Emily, I ADOPTED them. Theyre legally my children.
Yeah, yeah well sort that later. The most important thing now is for the kids to have their dad back.
Well sort that later.
Like its a gas bill or something.
I went straight to my solicitor. The man nearly choked on his tea.
You signed full adoption paperwork?
Yes.
Then youre the father. All legal rights. All legal responsibilities child support, schooling, healthcare, the lot.
But Im not with their mum anymore
Doesnt matter. Youre their dad. Thats the law.
And so now, here I am paying maintenance to Emily, whos joyfully living with James in MY flat. Because the kids need stability and shouldnt have to move.
MY flat. Paid for by me. But I left, because it would be too traumatic for the children.
The most ridiculous bit?
James the vanishing dad who didnt give a penny for years now takes them to the park and to the football, playing the family hero.
And me? I get an email from the solicitor every month:
Maintenance transferred: £XXX
With a sad little emoji. Not comforting, really.
Last month, Ethan messages me:
Hey, could you send a bit more? I want some new trainers.
Cant James buy them for you?
He says youre my legal dad. Hes only my dad at heart.
A dad at heart.
How convenient. Im the dad at the bank.
Trying to revoke the adoption is almost impossible. The court would just see me as the villain trying to abandon my children.
Even my mates have stopped feeling sorry for me.
Mate, at what point did you think this was a good idea?
I was in love.
Love shouldnt make you lose all sense.
Hes right.
Now, whenever I see a couple with kids who arent theirs, I want to shout:
DONT SIGN ANYTHING! BE THE UNCLE, THE BOYFRIEND ANYTHING, JUST DONT SIGN!
My mum just said,
Loves made you daft, son,
and gave me a hug that hurt more than I expected.
Yesterday again:
Extra expense: school supplies £XXX
Extra? Like school isnt every year.
Meanwhile, Emilys posting photos of her happy family.
The kids with MY surname next to the man who walked out on them.
The cherry on top?
Lily (10, yes, she has Instagram) wrote this in her bio:
Daughter of Emily and James
My name? Nowhere.
Im the anonymous sponsor of their lives.
So here I am alone, straight £500 down every month, with two children who only message when they need cash, and the clear understanding that I made the biggest mistake of my life out of love.
The only upside? When people ask if Ive got kids, I say yes and spin this tale at the dinner table. Everyone laughs.
Me? I just cry on the inside.
And you lot? Ever signed something for love that ended up costing you dear or am I the only genius who handed out his surname and bank account as a bargain bundle?
