I cant quite grasp why I became his wife.
Its only been a short time since we got married. I truly believed my husband adored me, hopelessly so. There wouldnt have been any room for doubtif not for one peculiar thing. Its not even about infidelity; what happened was far stranger, and somehow, feels more serious.
Looking back, I suppose I cared too much. I cherished him, forgave his every mistake, and placed him on a pedestal. He grew accustomed to my devotion, and his confidence soared. Perhaps he believed that, with just a snap of his fingers, women would queue up to worship him. Hes hardly the most sought-after bloke, mind you, though I blindly trusted him and let things slide that anyone else surely wouldnt have tolerated.
Just before our wedding, he announced he wanted time alone, a chance to get away and prepare for married life. What could I possibly do? I accepted, and let him go off on his trip.
Later, he told me hed needed to escape the world for a bit, somewhere with no internet and no way to reach him. He set off on his own to the Lake District, apparently, to take in the countryside and clear his head. And I stayed behind, aching with longing, counting the moments until his return.
A week later he came home, and I thought it was the happiest day of my life. I greeted him with all the warmth and love I could summon, and cooked his favourite meals.
The next day, something changed. He began darting into the hallway or slipping away into the spare room constantly. Then he started leaving the house a few times each day, forever making up some excuse. One afternoon, as I popped out to the shop, I found a letter in the postsent to me, by him, while he was away. It looked utterly ordinary, yet what it contained shook me to the core. Hed written:
Hello. I cant keep misleading you. Youre not the right person for me, and I dont want to spend my life with you. There wont be a wedding. Please forgive me. Dont look for me, dont call. Im not coming back.
So short, so blunt, so cruel.
Only then did I realise hed been checking the letterbox again and again. Wordlessly, I tore up the letter, making sure he never noticed, never guessed I knew. But how am I meant to live with a man who doesnt want me, who never truly wanted me? Why did he marry me, when all along he was pretending that everything was fine?
