I called out of the window, Mum, what are you doing out there so early? Youll catch your death! She turned, gave me a wave with her spade and called back, I do it for you lot, the lazybones. The next day, she was gone.
I still cant walk past our old garden without my heart twisting painfully… Every time I see that path, it feels like someones clenched their fist around my heart. It was me who took that photo on the second of January… Id just been wandering outside when I saw the footprints in the snow and paused. I took a picture, not really knowing why at the time. Now, that photo is all I have left from those days…
We celebrated New Years together as usual, all of us crowded into the house. Mum was up at the crack of dawn on New Years Eve. I woke up to the smell of frying bacon and her voice echoing from the kitchen:
Come on, love, up you get! Come help me finish the salads before your dad eats all the ingredients again!
I stumbled in, still in my pyjamas, hair everywhere. Mum was at the stove, wearing her favourite apron with peaches on it the one I bought her when I was at school. She smiled at me, cheeks flushed from the oven.
Mum, let me at least have some tea first, I complained.
Tea later, potato salad first! She laughed and handed me a bowl of roast veg. Chop it up small, how I like. Not like last year, giant chunks everywhere.
We chopped and nattered about everything and nothing in particular. She reminisced about her childhood New Years no fancy salads, just a bit of pickled herring and some tangerines Dad had managed to bring home.
Soon Dad arrived with the tree enormous, nearly scraping the ceiling.
Alright, ladies, come and see the beauty Ive found! he declared as he bustled in.
For goodness sake Dad, did you have to fell half the forest for that? I gasped.
Mum came and looked, arms akimbo, Its lovely, but where on earth are we going to put it? It was smaller last time.
Still, she helped us decorate. My sister Maisie and I strung up the fairy lights and Mum dug out the old baubles the ones from when I was little. I remember her gently picking up the glass angel and saying softly, Bought this for your very first New Year, remember?
Of course I do, Mum, I lied, giving a little nod. She looked so pleased thinking I remembered that tiny angel…
My brother turned up later, as noisy as ever, bursting through the door with bags, presents, and bottles.
Mum, proper champagne this year! he boasted, Not that cheap stuff from last time.
Oh, son, as long as you lot dont get too merry, Mum laughed and gave him a big hug.
When midnight came, we all went outside. Dad and my brother let off fireworks, Maisie shrieked with excitement, and Mum stood next to me with her arm snug round my shoulders.
Look, love isnt it beautiful? she whispered. Arent we lucky?
I hugged her back. Luckiest, Mum.
We passed the bubbly round, sipping from the bottle and laughing when one of the fireworks shot towards the neighbours shed. Mum, a little tipsy, danced about in her wellies to Rockin Around the Christmas Tree and Dad swept her up in his arms. We all laughed till we cried.
New Years Day we lazed about, all of us full and happy. Mum was back at it in the kitchen, whipping up pies and jelly.
Mum, honestly, theres enough food to last a month! I complained.
Oh hush, its New Year its meant to last a week! she waved me off, smiling.
On the second of January, as always, she was up before everyone. I heard the front door slam, looked out the window there she was, shovelling the path, wrapped up in her battered old coat, scarf tied round her head. She was so careful: from the gate to the doorstep, a neat, narrow path. Shed sweep the snow right up against the wall just so, exactly how she liked it.
I called, Mum, do you have to be up so early? Youll freeze!
She turned, gave her usual wave with the spade, What, you want to wade through drifts till spring? Put the kettle on, will you?
I grinned and went back to the kitchen. She came in half an hour later, cheeks glowing, eyes shining.
All sorted now, she said, settling down for her tea, Looks tidy, doesnt it?
Looks great, Mum. Thanks.
That was the last time I ever heard her voice so bright.
On the third of January, she woke saying quietly, Girls, Ive got a bit of a pain in my chest. Not bad, just uncomfortable.
I felt a chill, Mum, lets call the ambulance?
No, dont be silly, love. Ive just overdone it, with all the cooking and running about. Ill rest and itll pass.
She lay down on the settee. Maisie and I sat by her. Dad dashed out to the chemist. Mum even joked,
Dont look at me like that, girls. Ill outlive the lot of you, just you see.
And then, suddenly, she went pale, clutching her chest.
Oh I feel awful really awful…
We rang for an ambulance. I held her hand, whispering,
Mum, hang on, helps coming, youll be alright
She looked at me and said so softly,
Darling I love you all so much I dont want to say goodbye.
The paramedics were quick, but it was too late. A massive heart attack. It all happened in a blur.
I sat on the hall floor, sobbing, not believing it. Only yesterday she was dancing under the fireworks; now…
Barely steady on my feet, I walked out to the garden. There was almost no fresh snow, but her footprints stood out, small and neat, just as shed always made them. From the gate to the doorstep and back. Her mark, still there.
I stood staring at them for ages, asking God, How can it be? Yesterday she was walking here, making those prints, and now shes gone? The prints remain, but shes not.
Maybe it was imaginary, but it felt like Mum had gone out for the last time on the second making sure we had a clear path, so we wouldnt have to wade through snow without her.
I didnt sweep them away. I asked everyone else to leave them too. Let them stay until the snow hides them for good.
That was the last thing Mum did for us. Her kindness showing through, even after shed left us.
A week later, there was a heavy snowfall.
Now I keep that picture of her footprints safe. Every third of January, I look at it, and then out at the empty path beside our house. It hurts so deeply to know somewhere under that snow, she left her final traces for us.
The ones Im still following, every day, behind her.












