Despite the fact that were already counting every penny, my husband recently made it clear that he wants to start putting money aside for a future home for our son. Just yesterday, after getting his payslip, he announced quite firmly, Im going to save up for a house for our boy. I wasnt exactly thrilled by this, and Ill tell you why.
A bit over ten years ago, my husband moved from his small town to London looking for work. Hes a buildernot exactly an easy trade. Before we met, he was almost entirely supporting his mother back home, sending her almost all his wages and just keeping a bit for himself for lunch or a cup of tea. His workmates would tell him to start saving for himself, maybe put away some cash for a flat, but he liked giving everything to his mum. Shes got two other sons, and while they did send her some money, neither of them sent every last bit they had like my husband did.
After we got married, he moved in with me into the flat I shared with my mum and nana place that desperately needed new wallpaper and a fresh coat of paint.
At first, my husband was sweet and loving towards me. He was a bit distant with my mum and my nan, but I figured thatd pass and wed all get along in time. Unfortunately, after about a year, things got worse. He started drinking more, was rude to me and my mum, and would complain about the state of the flat. Looking back, I should have left him then, but he convinced me that starting a family would make things betterso, young and hopeful, I let myself believe hed change once the baby arrived. I became pregnant and, soon after, our child was born.
But things only spiralled. Money was always tight. My maternity pay barely covered the nappies. Even sharing everything, we couldnt make ends meet.
Mum pays the bills out of her small pension. She also buys me my prescription meds (Ive got a chronic illness), and what little is left she spends on groceries and cleaning stuff. Nans been saving up whatever she can from her tiny state pension for her funeral. Shed managed quite a sum, but she handed every bit over to help pay for our wedding.
My husband was sure his family would chip in for the wedding, but none of them did. We ended up having a big do thanks to nans money and my husbands wages, though in hindsight, we could have celebrated much more simply. However, my husband insisted on doing it up proper.
Throughout our seven years of marriage, hes continued to send money to his mumenough to remodel her house top to bottom and get new appliances, all bought with his cash. There were times when our family was really struggling and Id stumble across the little stash of cash hed put aside to send his mother. Wed argue, hed promise to stop, and yet it never really changed.
After his mum passed away, he and his older brother decided, very generouslysome would say foolishlyto give up their share of her house to their youngest brother. Even though hes the youngest, he does little to help out. So my husband invested in his mums house, then ours, and now hes got nothing to show for it. All the while, he ignored my pleas to keep his rightful inheritance.
Since our son was born, my husband became like a changed mansharp-tongued with me, stingy about buying food and essentials, always finding some reason to pick a fight with my mum. His drinkings gotten worse. I darent leave him, as our childs still little, my health is poor, and who knows whenor ifIll get back to work; theres even talk I might lose my job once my maternitys up. Right now, I simply cant manage without him, no matter how grim things are.
He never misses a chance to remind me of how were all living off his wagesas if our familys finances dont include mums pension, nans, my pay, and his own. Weve debated many times the idea of buying our son a housemy dream as wellbut realistically, its just not possible when we barely have enough for basics. Yet yesterday, he insisted we should start saving a third of his salary. That would mean all of us having to make do with even less, practically starving for an unknown number of yearsand I cant accept that. But my husband has decided, and apparently, what he says goes.
I worry that hes not saving for our son at all, but for himselfso he can leave us, having deprived us of everything we need. These days, with the way things are between us, I cant help but think he just wants to save up so he can walk away.
When I confronted him about it, he admitted hes fearful toothat I could divorce him and kick him out. At times, in my anger, Ive threatened it in my own mind, but Ive never meant it. I just wish hed stop being so harsh, especially with my mum and nan, and things might be different.
But he shows no sign of wanting to change. At the moment, my home and my family feel like a nightmare I cant wake from, and I cant see a way out.
Still, if theres one thing Ive learnt through all thisits that genuine security and happiness dont come from bricks, mortar, or money stashed away. They come from kindness, respect, and looking out for one another in hard times. Without that, even the grandest house wont feel like home.
