Despite the fact that we already save every penny, my husband announced he wants to put money aside for a flat for our son. Just yesterday, after payday, he firmly declared, Im starting to save up for a house for our boy. But I couldnt help but feel disappointed when he said it. Let me explain why.
More than ten years ago, my husband arrived in London to try his luck and find work. Hes a builderits no walk in the park. Before we met, nearly every pound he earned was sent back to his mother, and he barely left himself any spending money. His mates at the building site encouraged him to start putting aside savings for a place of his own, but he was determined to hand everything over to his mum. She has two other sons, and they chipped in as well, but none of them handed over every penny like my future husband did.
After we married, we moved in with my mum and nan in their old flat in Hackney, the sort that hadnt seen a lick of paint in ages.
At first, my husband was kind and caring, though a bit stand-offish with my mum and nan. I figured it was just temporary, and hed come around soon enough. After a year, though, things changed for the worse. He started drinking too much, became rude to me and my mother, constantly complaining that the flat was falling apart. I suppose divorce would have been the sensible choice back then, but instead he pressured me into having a baby. My love for him and my foolish hope that things would improve made me go along with itand so I became pregnant and gave birth to our son.
But life only got harder after that. We were always stretched for cash. My meagre maternity pay hardly covered nappies, even though we supposedly had a shared household budget.
My mum covers the bills on her pitiful wage. She also buys my expensive medicines, as I have a chronic condition. Whatever is left goes towards food and household goods. Nan has scrimped and saved her tiny pension for her funeral, but she ended up giving us everything for our wedding.
My husband assumed his relatives would help with the wedding, but none of them did. We threw a big do with my nans money and his wages. Looking back, we should have kept it modest, but he insisted on a lavish affair.
In our seven years of marriage, hes always looked after his mothers finances as well as our own. Her house was renovated from top to bottom and all new appliances bought with his money. More than once, during tough times, I stumbled across a stash of cash hed set aside to send back home. This sparked many arguments, and he promised hed stop.
When his mother died, he and his older brother did what they thought was nobleand, in my view, foolishby signing over their share of the family house to their younger brother.
Even though the youngest brother isnt much help to anyone, he ended up with everything. So all those years my husband poured money into his mothers house and now, after refusing any inheritance, was left with nothing. He ignored my pleas to safeguard what rightfully belonged to him.
Since the baby came, it was as if my husband was a different personcold, stingy even about basics like food and essentials for me. Hed argue with my mum for no reason and hit the bottle more and more. I simply cant afford to divorce, as our son is still so young, and with my ill health theres no guarantee Ill recover. Theres talk at work that I may be let go when my maternity leave ends, so for now I have no choice but to stay.
He takes full advantage of my situation. He never misses a chance to grumble that hes the one keeping me, mum, and nan afloat, that hes had enough of it. But he knows full well our budget is one big pot, with money from all of usmum, nan, me, and him.
Ive talked endlessly to him about the dream of buying our son his own homemy dream. But it stays just that, because theres simply not enough money. Yesterday, for the first time, my husband insisted on saving a third of his salary, which means we would all have to tighten our belts and scrape by for who knows how many yearsI cant support it. But hes made up his mind.
Part of me worries he isnt saving for our sons future at all, but for himself. Given how strained things are between us, I suspect he wants to squirrel money away and leave us behind, even if it means we all do without.
I shared my worries with him. He told me hes scared toothat someday Ill divorce him and throw him out. In frustration, Ive threatened to do just that. But I dont really want to. If he could just show some respect to my family, I wouldnt say another word.
But he doesnt seem interested in changing. My life, and the lives of my mum and nan, have become something of a waking nightmare because of him, and I cant see a way out yet.
My lesson in all this: when dreams are built on someone elses sacrifice, heartache and distrust are never far behind. I hope, one day, Ill find the strength to make a better life for myself and those I love.
