So, when I turned thirty, I finally managed to buy myself a two-bedroom flat. I live there on my own, and, honestly, I still havent found anyone I could really see myself marrying. You know what I think is the real reason I struggle with relationships? Its because I actually own a flat. These days, its hard for a woman to be independent and still keep that sense of femininity. If I had to split the men Ive dated into groups, itd look something like this:
First, theres the Oh, youve got your own place? Brilliant, lets shackle up saves me the hassle. Basically, the sort of bloke who doesnt want to put in any work and is quite happy to coast because everythings already sorted. The fact Ive got a home is a big tick in his book. Hes ready to settle down, start a family, have kids all fine as long as his life can carry on just as it is. This type doesnt care about building a career or earning more. The housing bits sorted, hes not fussed about getting a car minell do if its for the family and, really, he doesnt feel the urge to try for anything better.
And when I chat to these guys, it honestly feels like theyd be more suited to being my sons than my partners. Its like youve got to feed them, pamper them, look after them, and then make sure they dont just wander off. I want more than that, thanks might as well just have a cat and spend my free time enjoying my hobbies.
Then theres the other type: Oh, you already own a flat? Well, Id rather stay with my parents or move out to the countryside. Or, hey, why dont we sell your flat and buy one together. That last one really gets to me. Ive worked so hard to save up for my place, and now Im supposed to flog it and start all over, just to spend decades paying off a mortgage again and not even one hes willing to put in for himself! Its like, since I make a decent living, its all up to me. Maybe hell help out however he can. And what if I go on maternity leave? Apparently, the mortgage still gets paid by me, we can finally have a kid, even if Im in my forties by then. As long as nothing in his life gets complicated and I dont trouble him with problems, its all good.
Honestly, sometimes I reckon itd be easier to adopt a toddler than try to find a man who isnt terrified by the idea of having kids. Seems like even if I did get married, Id still have to sort everything out myself, support myself, and, by the sound of it, love myself since Id be the only one doing so! So, whats the point of having a man around, really?
Right now, Im the queen of my own castle. My flats just how I want it, loads of space for me and my little hobbies. Every now and again, I do wish I had a family or someone by my side who properly loves me, but the stuff I run into in reality quickly knocks that dream flat. Let me tell you about something that happened recently.
I fell for this guy I already knew, and it honestly seemed like he was really into me too. One evening, we were at mine watching a film, and we fancied some pizza. I thought, well, maybe hell at least take care of that bit. And yes, he did he popped down to meet the delivery bloke at the lift, paid him, but only after taking the money from me. After that, all the flirting and conversation just fizzled out.
Maybe its my fault. My friends said I shouldnt have offered him money for the pizza. I just wanted to see what hed do, if hed turn it down or not. For me, the money wasnt a big deal but, lets be honest, its never really about the money, is it?
