When I turned thirty, I managed to buy myself a two-bedroom flat. I live alone there, and so far, I havent found a potential husband. Would you like to know what I think is at the root of my troubles with my personal life? In my opinion, its because I own a flat. These days, it seems difficult for a woman to be independent and keep her femininity as well. If I think about my romantic history, I could divide the men Ive dated into two groups:
1. You have your own flat? Brilliant, lets move in together and I wont have to worry about finding a place. These men dont want to struggle theyre quite happy to simply slot themselves into a life thats already set up. The very fact that I have somewhere to live is seen as a definite advantage, and it seems enough for them to consider building a family and having children with me, provided their own life doesnt have to change much. Such a man doesnt much care for building a career or earning more. The accommodation problem is ticked off, no need for a car since mine will do for the family, so why strive for more?
When I talk with men like this, I cant help feeling that theyd be better cast as my sons, not my partners. They expect to be fed, pampered, looked after and then you have to make sure they dont leave you either. Honestly, Id rather have a cat and plenty of free time to spend on my hobbies than that kind of happiness.
2. You have your own flat? Id rather stay with my parents, or perhaps we should move off to the countryside together, and hey, maybe sell your flat and buy something else as a couple. The last one is especially common. I spent years saving up for my own home, and now people seem to think we should sell it and embark on decades of mortgage payments. Youd think my prospective husband would at least handle the mortgage himself, but no. Since I earn a decent living, Im expected to take care of it, with him chipping in when he can. And what if I go on maternity leave? Apparently, Im supposed to pay off the mortgage, wait until Im well into my forties to have a child, and otherwise never trouble him with my problems so he can live free of worries.
More and more, I find myself thinking it might be easier adopting a three-year-old from a childrens home than finding a man whos not afraid of taking on family life. Even if I do get married, Ill still have to fend for myself, solve my own problems, and most likely, learn to love myself as well. In that case, whats the point in having a man around at all?
At present, I am the mistress of my own home and my own life. Ive had the place beautifully decorated, theres plenty of space for me and all my hobbies. Sometimes I long for a family, for someone I love by my side, but real life experiences quickly shatter those dreams. Let me tell you about something that happened fairly recently.
I fell for a man Id known for a while, and for a time, the feeling seemed mutual. One evening, we were watching a film at my place, and I fancied a pizza. I wondered if he might at least be willing to sort out that bit of the date. Well, he agreed, of course: he collected the pizza from the delivery driver at the lift and paid for it, though only with the money Id given him. That was the end of both the conversation and any affection.
Maybe Im to blame. Some of my friends have told me I shouldnt have offered to pay for the pizza. I was simply curious whether hed take the money or refuse it. The sum didnt matter to me. It was never really about the money…
The truth is, owning your own patch and having your life in order can feel empowering, but the lesson I keep learning is that happiness cant be built on comfort alone. Partners shouldnt just be seeking convenience or an easy ride its about sharing burdens, ambitions, and joys. At the end of the day, Id rather be alone and true to myself than settle for companionship that has no substance. Sometimes, self-reliance is the greatest strength we have, and love true love must come with respect, not just comfort.
