Diary Entry, 3rd June
My names Edward Wright, forty years old, and Ive never been married. Not long ago, I was the envy of every woman in Winchester. Tall, quite handsome if I may say, and with a tidy sum in the bank. Any woman wouldve been chuffed to have a fellow like me. Now, all thats left is my fortunemy looks are fading, my hairs grown thin, and the bellys expanding faster than my business. Im rather painfully aware of this, so, for the first time, I found myself properly thinking about marriage.
Still, I had my doubts. Im not exactly an easy man: blunt, demanding, a bit sharp round the edges. Word gets around, you know, and it isnt long before the women are warning each other to steer clear of Edward Wright. So, my hopes werent high.
Spoke to my mates at the local about itthey offered a few suggestions. Strangely enough, a few months after, I found myself married.
On our first morning as husband and wife, I felt I ought to lay out the ground rules for my new bride.
Youll be moving into my flat, and that should be quite an honour for you, I told her. Everythings got to be spotless at all times.
What do you mean? Charlotte asked, smiling sweetly.
Ill explain just once, I said, giving her a grin. You need to know that this happiness could disappear in a flash. Im a stickler for order, and youll have to get used to it. One more thing towels have to be dry and hung neatly in their place. Cleanliness is paramount. Understand?
Charlotte nodded, still listening intently. We went into the kitchen and I went through every requirement I could think of.
Yes, darling, she said, and what time will you be home?
Why do you need to know that?
To have dinner ready for you, she smiled.
Well by the time I get home, youre never going to know in advance, but dinner had better be ready, all the same. And heaven help us both if Im not fond of what youve prepared. I wont touch it, Ill bin itand therell be consequences.
She replied, all sweetness, Yes, dear, everything will be just fine, with another smile. That smile was stuck in my head all day.
That evening, before heading home, I stopped at a pub for a proper mealshed never know. I fancied testing her: Id simply say her dinner was dreadful and refuse to eat it. Did it for a whole week.
Arriving home: Anyone about? Im home.
Its you, Charlotte answered flatly. I was just watching telly and drifted off.
Is dinner ready? I asked.
Dinner? Oh, yes, dinner! Lets see what weve got. As I prepared myself to deliver the speech Id rehearsed, Charlotte placed a plate of cold, unsalted porridge in front of me.
There you go! she said. Its cold and lacking salt. If you dont finish it, youve no one to blame but yourself. Ill be off, and you wont see me again.
Only joking, of courseyoull see me, just with someone else. By the way, I know youve already eaten out. I imagine its painful shovelling in this revolting porridge on a full stomach.
I was floored.
She eyed me sternly. Do you want to know why Im being so particular and curt? Just so you know, this is how itll always be, especially if you try dodging my questions. Now, youll eat the porridgeevery last spoonfulas quick as you can manage.
Charlotte had been warned about my peculiarities. But she didnt run.
Men arent born sweet and gentlethey become so under the firm hand of a good wife, she quipped.
She was absolutely right. I cleared my plate in minutes. At last, Id found exactly the woman I needed. Id hoped for someone like her my entire life.
Lesson learned: Sometimes the right person isnt the one who gives in, but the one who stands her ground.
