He thought she was a terrible mother and wife
An acquaintance of mine, a mother of three, recently remarried. How she managed to do that remains a mystery to me. It’s not that mothers with many children can’t find partners; they can, if love is involved! It’s just that, as long as I’ve known her from her first marriage, she was always considered “the worst mother and the worst wife.”
I’ve visited her home several times during her “past” life. I remember her always looking tired, overwhelmed, and scattered.
Sometimes her porridge would burn, or her youngest would roam around for an hour in wet trousers, while she juggled between him, helping the middle child with homework, and minding the stove, unable to change the wet clothes in time.
She had to prepare dinner because her husband was due home from work shortly. And she needed to tidy up since he liked order. She’d hurriedly gather toys, shoving them into boxes, only for the little one to scatter them again. Meanwhile, she’d also be online, sending out emails to earn some extra money because her husband’s salary wasn’t enough. It all turned into an endless, dreary chaos.
Her husband would come home, look at the mess, and offhandedly remark:
— Give the cat some water! Do something useful…
He’d say this half-jokingly, half-seriously. But I remember those words well. And my friend would drop everything, the emails, the ladle, the wet trousers, and with an apologetic smile, pour water into the cat’s bowl. Just to do that one useful thing for the day.
I once made a mistake. Trying to lighten the mood, also half-joking, I suggested leaving the cats and the unfinished dinner, dressing up (that was suggested to his wife), and taking the kids out to a café.
— I’ll bring mine too.
— She’s too old to dress up! — her husband cut in. As if joking too…
I looked at this woman and was horrified to realize she was, in fact, younger than me. If she was old, then what was I?
She apologized sweetly, saying they loved home-cooked meals. She began setting the table, where her husband was already seated, waiting. Meanwhile, the kids were scattering toys again, and she would collect them with some metaphorical “third” hand, because her husband liked order. Her phone would beep; likely work emails.
— Stop spending all day on the internet, — her husband would say.
I said goodbye and left.
“I’m to blame”
She never complained to anyone, ever! Whenever you asked, everything was fine with her. And the grayer and more dismal she looked, the more confidently she said, “Everything’s fine!” hiding her dull, lifeless eyes.
We shared many mutual friends, and from them, I often heard how her mother-in-law was very dissatisfied with her. The daughter-in-law was a terrible mother because the youngest fell off his bike and needed stitches. She should watch him more closely, not waste time on trifles… She was a bad wife because the house was in disarray, and the family was poorly fed.
There was a story about her husband going to school and an ensuing argument at home. The eldest had gotten into some trouble, and it was all because the “bad mother” was doing anything but parenting.
Rumor had it she started taking antidepressants because, indeed, she was a bad mother and wife. She did nothing, and had no strength to do anything… Even the kids understood that.
— Mum, you’re terrible! — her youngest would shout while we were out for a walk. — You don’t read me stories.
She would reach into her bag to get the book and resignedly start reading, worn out. She desperately wanted to be a good mother.
Then they divorced. Her husband met another woman. Probably a good wife and homemaker. But, to be fair, he diligently paid child support and stayed in contact with the kids.
— Well, that’s that, — my acquaintance would say when asked. — Maybe it was my fault after all.
Then she moved with her children, swapped apartments, and I didn’t see her for a long time.
“From Ugly Duckling to Swan”
Time passed, and recently we “found” each other on social media. She messaged me herself.
I was surprised. A different, unfamiliar woman stared back at me from her profile picture. She was vibrant, beautiful, happy, and full of life. My curiosity piqued, I suggested meeting up.
We caught up at a café, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. She had truly transformed. There was a newfound confidence in herself, in life, in people. That’s when I found out she had remarried.
— I have no idea why he took notice of me, — she shared. — I was merely trying to survive…
But the man was persistent, caring, befriending her children, and eventually proposing.
Lo and behold, she turned out to be the best mother and wife. She fried eggs that burned — still the best homemaker. The next day, she baked pies because she wanted to bring joy.
The house was in disorder — a wonderful wife and mother. Because it turned out to be fun cleaning up together as a family while chatting happily.
She realized she didn’t have to carry bags home alone, with someone pointing out what she forgot during shopping due to trifles. Instead, she could shop with him and laugh about anything left behind.
She discovered she wasn’t an old woman, but the most beautiful woman in the world. And she would do her hair in the evenings just to greet the one who saw her as a beauty.
She found herself being a great help because she also managed side jobs. But that wasn’t necessary. Only if she wanted it herself.
She learned she wasn’t the useless nobody she’d thought she was for years. And all because she was loved, praised, and cherished. Not berated.
… I listened in amazement. And then her new husband arrived to pick her up. And I understood everything. You see, he looked at her in such a way that she truly blossomed. She couldn’t help but flourish. The way he spoke to and cared for her, it was impossible not to feel like the most wonderful woman on earth.
He even brought her three children. I caught a glimpse of them. Even from that glimpse, I noticed she was the best mother. Just from how they behaved.
All because there was someone beside her who helped her believe it. Turning the ugly duckling into a beautiful swan… It’s so vital to have someone beside you who helps you become that swan. Because a swan needs time, strength, and love to spread its wings.
No, I’m not trying to pinpoint anyone’s fault. Life happens in all sorts of ways. But that’s the story. I am very curious to know what her first husband thinks now.
