Our Gran is eighty years old. Just last week, she kicked my older brother and his wife out of her flat. Since then, shes hardly spoken to anyone. If I call to say well pop round, she hangs up straight away. She doesnt even answer the door to anyone.
My brother refuses to say exactly why he moved into a rented place, but it didnt surprise me that Gran sent him packinghe was always rather careless and just out for what he could get.
As soon as Gran began living alone and there was more space in her flat, the whole family gathered for a meeting. Gran, of course, didnt attend. There was only one pressing question: how would she manage on her own at such an age?
Dads sister suggested her thirty-year-old daughter, who was currently out of work, could stay with Gran and look after her. We all knew, however, that her daughter was famously carefree and indifferent.
Another aunt suggested moving Gran into a small studio, reasoning that it would save money:
The youngsters have moved in, after all. How can she afford the rent for such a big flat on her own?
Uncle Robert volunteered to have Gran come stay with him and proposed his own son move into the flat. It made some senseafter all, living alone at eighty is no picnic, and the young should stand on their own feet. However, most offers sounded less like concern for Gran and more like a scramble for her flat.
I worry about Mum. At least this way shed be well cared for, Uncle Robert claimed.
Gran had once lived with one of his sons, and now he wanted to move the other in. My dad suggested simply letting Gran decide for herself, but everyone else was in uproar.
The pushiest was Dads first sister, so the family ended up agreeing to let her daughter move in with Gran. The girl started packing, and Gran was informed over the phone about this grand family plan. But, understanding full well what was going on, Gran slammed the phone down.
When she arrived at Grans flat, thinking about all the redecorating she might do, things didnt go as planned. Gran simply refused to open the door, instead leaving a jar of pickled onions on the step as a gift.
How on earth is she going to live by herself? grumbled my cousin in exasperation. She says shes never truly lived in all her eighty years, and now she thinks she can start! What if something happens? What if she falls ill? Shes being reckless!
Gran, after all these years sharing with parents, husband, children, grandchildreneven her grandsons familysuddenly wanted peace and quiet. And in a three-bedroom flat, no less. The nerve! Surely it was time to make room for the younger generation!
Dad, though, kept his head. He wasnt keen on anyone moving Gran out of her own home. Instead, he came up with a sensible idea: it was true, Gran shouldnt be left completely aloneanything might happen at her age. After all, even her own children didnt have keys anymore, since shed changed all the locks after kicking my brother out. At her age, every day is unpredictable.
With Mums agreement, Dad installed a camera in Grans flat. Now, we could see her from the hallway as she pottered by. Any worried relative could check she was perfectly fine. Whenever Gran passed the camera, shed pull funny faces.
She insisted on paying the bills herselfher living alone meant they werent too high. She flatly refused help, so long as everyone left her in peace. Thanks to a bit of technology, everyone could relax and Gran could finally enjoy her home without unwanted intrusions.
Everything turned out well. The only thing is, Gran still wont let anyone in, not even for a cuppa. When I visited yesterday, I found a jar of homemade jam waiting for me on the doorstep. Clearly, Gran still values her independence and is wary of anyone threatening her freedom. I just hope, in time, she finds comfort in the knowledge that shes earned the right to choose how she livesand that independence can be a gentle kind of happiness, not just for her, but for all of us as we grow older.
