It was some years ago, just after Charles, my son, married for the second time. A month had passed since the wedding when he arrived at our old family cottage in Derbyshire, bringing with him his new wifes daughter a striking young girl of thirteen named Alice. Charles and his wife left Alice with me, her fresh step-grandmother, for a whole week.
Before leaving, Alices mother took me aside and whispered, Just so you know, Alice has never been to the countryside before. And her temper is no small thing. You understand that age. Be firm with her, please. If anything goes wrong, ring me and I’ll come fetch her.
What do you mean, if anything goes wrong? I asked, a bit puzzled.
My new daughter-in-law only smiled, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, hopped into the car with Charles, and off they went.
Now, Alice dear, would you fetch us some water? I asked, passing her an empty pail.
Where from? Alice looked at me, utterly bemused.
From the standpipe out past the front gate.
Whats a standpipe?
Its a spout out there by the lane. You set the pail underneath, pull the handle down, and fill up with water for the house.
Grandma, surely you cant be serious? Alice stared at me, wide-eyed. Dont people just turn on the tap in the kitchen? You do have one, dont you?
We do indeed, I replied, smiling. Only trouble is, water hasnt come out for a week now.
Why ever not?
Well, our local plumber, Stephen, shut off the supply along the street, said he needs to replace a valve, so well have to make do with the standpipe for the time being. Theres always water there.
No way Alice plonked the pail down, indignant. If theres a tap, water should come out of it.
Well, I shrugged, in that case youll have to wash up out here for now. I led her to the big rainwater butt under the eaves. Scoop up some rainwater with your hands and wash your face here.
Oh, Grandma, really? There are worms swimming in there!
Just mosquito larvae, I told her. They wont bother you in the least.
And how am I supposed to brush my teeth? Use that water too?
Of course. Theres no water in the scullery basin.
Alice, sulking, picked up the bucket and trudged through the gate. She came back all hot and flustered fifteen minutes later, the bucket barely a third full.
What kept you so long? I asked.
I didnt know how to turn the standpipe on. Lucky a gentleman passed by and showed me.
Well done, then. I emptied the bucket into the scullery and handed it right back. Now that thats sorted, we need water for cooking tea.
What? She gaped at me as if Id asked her to walk to Scotland. You need water for that too?
Certainly, unless youd rather the rainwater from the butt, I offered with a gentle smile.
Please no! she cried, grabbed the pail and dashed off for more.
She ended up back and forth five times, bless her. Meanwhile, I set about preparing supper.
Grandma, why doesnt someone just come and fix the tap? Alice asked, exhausted. Back home, if anything breaks, you just ring and they sort it within the hour.
Here, you have to walk over to Number Fifty-Eight on Church Lane, tell them about it, I explained. But since Stephens house does have water, hes in no rush.
Why dont you go and insist?
I have Ive been round umpteen times, I said, waving it off. Stephens always somewhere out in the fields, at the dairy, goodness knows. Always Ill be round tomorrow. Hes the only plumber for miles.
After a short thought, Alice asked, Which house did you say?
Number fifty-eight, that way. I nodded down the lane. What are you plotting?
I’m going myself to see Stephen, she announced, slipping out before I could stop her.
When she didnt come back half an hour later, I hurried over to Stephens. His wife, Emily, met me at the door.
Did my granddaughter come by? I asked.
That cheeky one? You mean her? Emily shot me a dark look.
Cheeky?
She stormed in here demanding I fetch Stephen at once, then started scolding us, saying Stephen only thought of himself! My Stephen, whos always running about helping the whole village. When I raised the broom at her, she threatened to set the barn alight if he didnt get your water running today! Can you believe it?
Good heavens, I clutched my chest. Are you sure that’s what she said?
She did, alright! Well, I dont envy anyone dealing with that one
And where is she now?
How should I know? Off looking for Stephen, I suppose. Hes out in the field mending the tractor, likely. Ive enough to do without children threatening me!
I dashed off, praying she hadnt gotten herself into trouble, and made for the field across the way. But I didnt make it far. I soon spotted a tractor chugging toward me, Stephen in the drivers seat and Alice up beside him, face like thunder.
Stephen stopped with a jolt.
This yours? he hollered over the engine, jerking his thumb at Alice.
I nodded, fearful. Where are you taking her, Stephen? Youre not hauling her off to the constable, are you? Shes just a child she cant be arrested!
Constable? No, Im off to change your valve at last! Your little firebrand heres been larking about, saying shell throw herself under the combine, puncture every tyre with a nail if I dont fix your water. Bless her heartdoesnt even know you cant puncture a combine tyre with a nail! He burst out laughing. We could do with more of her spirit round here maybe wed sort a few things out in our village for once.
Now then, young rogue, he added, turning to Alice, fancy taking the wheel?
Oh yes! Alice beamed, climbing onto the seat. But I get to pass the spanners, right?
Thats the deal! laughed Stephen as she grabbed the wheel, triumphant.
Charles and his wife returned to the city with Alice twenty days later on the thirtieth of August, just in time for the start of term. Truth be told, shed have stayed on if she wasnt needed back at school. Theres no end to chores in the English countryside come autumn, after all.
