Friends found out that my wife and I were renting out a flat, and now they want to move in. How do we explain that we dont want to rent to friends? Its always harder to negotiate this way.
After we married, life between my wife and me was wonderful. Wed tied the knot with the idea of living with her parents. At the time, my own mum and dad were moving to the seaside, and their flat was sold, with the money split between me and my sister. With those funds, plus what my father-in-law contributed, we managed to buy a large one-bedroom flat where we put up a partition to create two rooms. Wed thought one would be for a child, but it never quite happened.
At first, we simply didnt want to, then our careers took off and there was no time. Later, we realised we couldnt manage it, and my wife refused to see a doctor. I wasnt particularly keen on children either. We were happy together, and neither of us worried too much about whod bring us a glass of water in our old age. Our friends, already weighed down by parenthood, played a big role toodrowning in debt and far from content. In the end, we decided wed do without that kind of happiness, since life seemed to be steering us that way anyway.
When we both turned thirty-three, my wife and I invested in a small apartment block. The sum wasnt enormous, so we took the risk, though many tried to talk us out of it. Still, by thirty-seven, we had a flat ready to move into. We gave it a light refurbishment to make it perfect. My wife called it our insurance policyin case we ever had children, or if not, something to leave to our nieces and nephews in old age.
For now, we decided to rent it out, trying to handle it ourselves without an agent. To spread the word, we mentioned it to friends, hoping theyd suggest where else to advertise. Then came the awkward questioncould they, with their kids, move in? Theyd been stuck in shabby rentals for years, and here was a brand-new building, nicely done up, and they might even get a “discount.”
Our mistake was telling friends about the flat. We hadnt expected some of them to want it.
“Its only one bedroomyouve got too big a family,” my wife tried to say.
“So what? We live in a one-bed now. Your pictures make it look more spacious.”
“But its new, and youve got kids and a cat”
“What, you think were some kind of slobs wholl wreck the place?”
We said wed think about it, though personally, I didnt want to. Id been to their home and seen the mess. In the end, my wife left it to me to call and refuse, giving some flimsy excuses.
What I heard in response was:
“Youve got a second flat, and your parents will leave you theirs when theyre goneyet youre still greedy! Youll sit on your properties, withering away without kids, without friends, without any joy in life!”
Was that a fair response? We owe them nothing. Its not our fault they had children without a home or family support, and now theyre stuck. Everyone lives as they chooseso why shouldnt we rent to a stranger for the proper price instead of cutting deals and doing favours for friends?
In the end, kindness shouldnt come at the cost of your own peace. Some people will always see your boundaries as their inconvenience.
