My mother regards looking after her granddaughter as something she simply cannot do.
All my friends have mothers who can mind their grandchildren without a fuss. My mother keeps telling me the same thing over and over: Its your child, I raised mine. My daughter, Charlotte, is five and goes to a nursery in Manchester. Two years ago, after returning from maternity leave, I went back to work as a primaryschool teacher, and I cant afford to take many days off. In situations like this, having my mother nearby would be a blessing.
I have a lot of free time in the winter, especially since we no longer have a holiday cottage. My mother spends the whole day at home, apart from a few TV programmes and telephone chats with her friends. She has no other activities to occupy herself. Last week we visited the eye doctor and discovered that Charlotte has vision problems. I called my mother and told her that Charlotte would need to stay in the clinic for ten days. We pick her up from the nursery around 1p.m. and have to drive her there in the morning. Everything is within a short distance the nursery, the clinic, and my mothers flat.
Charlotte is well behaved and my mother knows that. She isnt grumpy, she doesnt make a racket, she doesnt cause trouble, and she eats whatever is put before her. Yet my mother has a strong aversion to looking after her. One day I needed my mothers help because both my husband, Mark, and I had to go to work.
It would be wonderful if my mother could come and help us for a few days, but she is simply not able to. We are lucky that we have family nearby who can step in when needed. My grandmother lives next door and has seemed to have nothing on her agenda lately, so it would make sense for her to watch the baby while we are at work. It would cost us nothing because she lives close by, and it would really ease the pressure on Mark and me.
Since my mother retired, I support her financially. I send her money regularly and pay the entire rent for her flat twice a month. When Mark and I go shopping, we take my mother along and she pays for everything herself. On every holiday I give her an expensive gift, and she takes all this assistance for granted. She assumes its my duty to bring her meals and cover her rent because I am her daughter. I cant understand that mindset; my child is my responsibility, not something I should be forced to manage on my mothers terms.
It seems that grandmothers are not obliged to look after their grandchildren, yet many do. Do you think thats right? It hurts me deeplyI try so hard for my mother and she doesnt seem to appreciate it.
The truth is that caring for family should be a choice made out of love, not a burden imposed by expectation. When we respect each others limits, we protect the bonds that hold us together.
