All my friends have mums who can easily look after their grandchildren. For my mother, though, caring for my daughter seems impossible. She tells me the same thing over and overShes your child, I raised mine. My daughter, Charlotte, is five now and goes to nursery. Two years ago, after my maternity leave, I had to return to work; Im a primary school teacher, so, regrettably, I cant get time off very often. At times like these, I wish my mum lived nearby or could help out.
I have plenty of free timeespecially in winter, when theres no garden work or holidays to plan. Mum spends the whole day at home, mostly watching telly and chatting with her friends on the phone. She doesnt really have any other activities. Last week, I took Charlotte to the optician and discovered shes having trouble with her eyesight. I rang Mum and explained that wed need to take Charlotte to the clinic every day for about ten days. Wed pick her up from nursery at one in the afternoon and take her straight to the doctor in the morning. Everythingnursery, clinic, Mums flatis close by.
Charlotte is a well-behaved child, and my mum knows it. She isnt moody, never makes a fuss or a mess, and eats whatever shes given. Still, Mum has a really strong aversion to looking after her. The other day, I desperately needed her help, as both my husband and I had to be at work.
It would be a real blessing if Mum could just come to ours and lend a hand for a few days, but she refuses. Luckily, weve got other relatives nearby who can step in when needed. My nan lives just around the corner and doesnt seem to be doing much these days, so it makes sense for her to watch Charlotte while were at work. It wouldnt cost us any extra, as she lives close by, and it would save me and my husband a great deal of worry.
Ever since Mum retired, Ive supported her financially. Im constantly sending her money and covering her rent in fulltwice a month, no less. When my husband and I go shopping, we always take her with us, and she insists on paying for her own things. For every holiday, I give her lovely, expensive gifts. Yet Mum just takes all this help for granted. She assumes that, because Im her daughter, its my duty to bring her food and pay her rent. But I dont understand it at all. My child is my responsibilitybut needing help now and then isnt so unreasonable, is it?
It seems grandmothers arent expected to help their children, and still, some do, while others dont. Is this how things should be? It hurts me deeplyI do so much for Mum, and yet she never seems to appreciate it. The lesson, I suppose, is that while you can give love and support generously, you cant force someone to give it back.
