All my friends have mums who can easily look after their children. For my mum, though, taking care of her granddaughter seems impossible. She constantly repeats the same thing: Shes your child; I raised mine already. My daughter, Emily, is five and attends nursery school. Two years ago, after my maternity leave ended, I had to return to work; I teach young children, so I cant take time off very often. In situations like that, it would be so helpful to have my mum nearby.
I have plenty of free time, especially during the winter when we dont go away. Mum spends her days at home, mostly watching telly or chatting with her friends on the phone. She doesnt have any other commitments. Just last week, we visited the optician and learnt that Emily has some trouble with her eyesight. I rang mum and mentioned that Emily needs ten mornings at the clinic. We pick Emily up from nursery around one in the afternoon, and the clinic is all quite localnursery, the clinic, and mums place.
My daughter is very well-behaved, and my mum knows that. Emily doesnt moan, make a mess, or cause a fuss; she eats whatever shes given. Despite this, mum seems to harbour a strong reluctance toward looking after her. Once, I needed her help quite urgently because both my husband and I had to be at work.
It would be such a relief if mum could step in to help for a few days, but she just wont. Thankfully, we have other relatives close by who can lend a hand in times of need. My grandmother lives next door, and she hasnt kept busy lately, so it would only make sense for her to mind Emily while were both working. It wouldnt cost us anything extra as shes nearby, and it would spare us a lot of stress.
Since mum retired, Ive been supporting her financially. I give her money regularly and cover her bills entirelytwice a month, in fact. When my husband and I do the food shop, we invite mum along and let her choose what she fancies. I also buy her thoughtful, sometimes rather pricey gifts for every special occasion. But she takes all this for granted, as if its simply my dutybecause Im her daughterto bring her groceries and pay her rent. I confess, I really dont understand that mindset! My daughter is my own responsibility, but that doesnt mean I wouldnt welcome some support.
It seems that grandmothers arent obliged to help with their grandchildren, yet many do so willingly. Is this really fair? I find it deeply upsettingI go to such effort for my mum, and she just doesnt see the value in it.
The truth is, we cant force others to give the sort of love or support we hope for, even from our own family. In the end, what matters most is that we offer our kindness without expectation, finding peace in the knowledge that weve done what we can.
