For my mum, looking after her grandchild feels like an impossible task.
All my friends have mothers who can easily watch their kids, but my mum insists, Its your child, I raised mine. My daughter, Emily, is five and goes to a local nursery. Two years ago I returned to work after maternity leave; Im a primaryschool teacher, so I cant take many days off. It would be a relief if my mum could step in at those moments.
I have plenty of free time in the winter, especially since we dont own a summer cottage. My mum spends the whole day at home, apart from the television and phone calls with her friends. She has no other activities to occupy her. Last week we visited the optometrist and discovered that Emily has vision problems. I called my mum to tell her wed need to take Emily to the clinic for ten days. We pick her up from the nursery around 1p.m. and drive her to the clinic in the morning; everything is close bythe nursery, the clinic, and mums house.
Emily is wellbehaved, and my mum knows that. She isnt grouchy, she makes no noise, she doesnt cause trouble, and she eats what we give her. Yet she has a strong aversion to looking after a baby. One day I needed her help because my husband and I both had to go to work.
It would be wonderful if she could stay with us for a few days, but she simply isnt able. We are lucky to have other family nearby who can step in when needed. My grandmother lives next door and has seemed idle lately, so it would make sense for her to watch the baby while were at our jobs. She lives close by, so there would be no extra cost, and it would lift a great deal of stress from both of us.
Since my mum retired, I support her financially. I send her money regularly and cover the rent in full twice a month. When my husband and I go shopping, we take her along and she pays for everything herself. For every holiday I buy her lavish presents, and she takes this assistance for granted, assuming its my duty as her daughter to provide meals and pay her rent. I dont understand that mindset at allmy child is my responsibility, not something Im obliged to outsource.
It seems grandparents arent required to help their children, yet many do. Do you think thats fair? It hurts me deeplyI try so hard for my mum, and she never seems to appreciate it.
The lesson Ive learned is that love and support must be balanced with realistic expectations; caring for others should never come at the expense of ones own wellbeing.
