Eleanor hailed from a quaint village that barely made it onto maps. There, Cupids arrowprobably tipped with glitter for effectstruck her square in the heart. She fell for Ben, and Ben, for his part, fell for her. The pair decided their little patch of rural England wasnt big enough for their love story and announced to their parents that they were heading to London to save up for the grand wedding. And off they went, bird in hand, to earn their nest egg.
Of course, they’d heard enough about Londons young folk swanning about at their own weddings, turning up in trainers and faded Levis, only accepting cards stuffed with cash, and skipping the classic dinner for something involving finger food orworsehosting the whole thing on a Zoom call. The wedding money inevitably vanished into the bottomless pit of their mortgage.
Thats precisely what Eleanor and Ben did. Their mums threw them a modest shindig back at home, but in London, they barely knew anyone beyond the bloke at the bakery. Still, youre not here for party detailsthis whole spiel is just to paint a picture of our charming couple and their wonderfully tangled personalities.
Five years have galloped past since their nuptial binge. They decided to hold fire on children, focusing instead on paying off their mortgage. Eleanors mother was a force of nature, raising her daughter solo; and every phone call was a gentle (or not-so-gentle) reminder that she, personally, was ready for grandchildreneven if the rest of Britain wasnt. But Eleanor knew that moving in with her mum would put their marriage on a fast track to Splitsville. No rush, so children could wait.
Then, Eleanors familiar little resentments cropped up, ones shed brushed off before but now seemed stickier. She rang me up:
He chats to other people on the phone for ages, but with me its hello, goodbye, and see ya later!
Hell be home soonyou can talk his ear off then.
I want to unwind with a gentle rom-com, but he sticks on some horror nonsense.
How many televisions do you two even own? Its 2024you can always watch stuff on a laptop with headphones. Though, I guess that isnt exactly domestic bliss: two folks side by side, heads in totally different places.
Exactly! I genuinely dont think Ben gets me!
Thats quite the claim.
Why are you laughing?
Alright, alright, Ill stop.
So Eleanor, when do you two actually have a good time together?
On holidays or when weve got visitors. Hes ever so attentive then
Our chat went on for nearly an hour. Eleanor reminisced about how they met, how she made all the girls jealous. One thing became painfully obvious: Eleanor had this unsatisfied urge to showcase herselfher city life lacked an audience. That was her main dilemma (number one), and then there was
So Eleanor, what does your dream marriage look like?
Oh, definitely with kids.
Sure, people love talking about children, but babies can break a marriage quicker than a dodgy washing machine.
My husband should care about my mood, how my days been Maybe notice what Im wearing, praise my dinner
Does he never say anything?
No, he says it’s nice but its just not enough.
Lets role-play. He gets home, you serve him bangers and mash with peas, what then?
He rubs his hands, grins, tucks in.
Thats a compliment! Imagine if he pushed the plate away and said he wasnt hungrygrim!
Eleanor fell silent, perhaps not grasping the full heart of her complaint. But she certainly felt miffed with Ben. The cause? Id already deduced it. To confirm, I asked her about her relationship with her mum.
Turns out, her mum was the emotional sort, forever asking after every little detail, always quick to support as soon as anything went pear-shaped, always reassuring.
They say we marry people who remind us of our parents or at least people who shower us with affection. Eleanor never had a dad and hadnt considered that not everyone expresses themselves as eagerly as her mum.
I told Eleanor, Frankly, youve been married to your mother for five years and just expect Ben to act like her. He cant. Hes Ben, not Barbara.
Eleanor was surprised, then thoughtful, before agreeing with me. So how do I divorce my mum?
Easy. Whenever you feel a grudge, imagine Bens not the culpritits your mum at the other end, being her affectionate self. Ben cant out-cuddle her!
And thats it?
Thats all! Soon youll find the resentment disappears like a plate of Victoria sponge.
And honestly, life became a whole lot lighter after that.
