For about an hour, I found myself watching these soon-to-be parents, both of whom looked as though theyd just finished their A-levels.
Not long ago, I was at the womens clinic. As usual, the waiting room was crowded, and the doctor was running late. Behind me stood a young pregnant girl, no older than eighteen. She hadn’t come alone; by her side was the expectant father, looking equally adolescent. The parents seemed blissfully unaware of the queue, behaving as if waiting rooms were some private stage. The boyfathers laughter echoed throughout the corridor, his exuberance punctuated by one loud declaration:
Isnt it brilliant that its a boy? Haaaaaaaaaa
He said it a dozen times before suddenly exclaiming, as though struck by a revelation:
Oh, we havent picked a name yet! Lets call him after one of these doctors!
He started to wander up and down the corridor, reading the doctors names off the plaques with grand commentary. When his circuit was done, he plopped down beside the girl and burst into giggles again. An elderly lady passing by paused to scold him:
Young man, compose yourself, please!
He twisted around, startled by her interference, then grinned and replied, Nans got a bun in the oven too! Hoo-hoo-hoo
His girlfriend let out a little titter, her face fixed with that same vacant smile. I summoned my last ounce of self-restraint, unwilling to start a row with a pregnant teenager. Before long, the father shifted topics, now obsessing over food.
Im starving! Ba-ba-ba-ba-baaaa
Im famished and theres still half an hour left in this queue
Lets nip out for a pie and mash! Pop back after!
I dont fancy pie.
Youve gone all picky! Wah-ha-ha-ha
The head-numbing chatter pressed on everyones temples, but thankfully, the pair finally wandered off. Pie and mash or spotted dickit didnt really matter; what mattered was that theyd left.
With horror, I imagined the sort of upbringing this child would have. Most likely raised with as little decorum as their parents showed. I held onto a slim hope that the grandparents might intervene, but if theyd managed to raise such a couple themselves, there seemed little chance for improvement with the grandkids.
